Friday, June 20, 2008

A Treat for Your Eyes

PLEASE! go visit here - HELP BEKAH WIN A CAMERA! Bekah is a fellow blogger, so go and look at her wonderful pictures.

The more views her photos have, the better chance she has to win. Then go say, "HI!" to Bekah over at MY QUEENDOM!

A side note: I received my copy of "You're Not The Only One" today. I started just to skim through it and ended up finishing half the book. I can't wait until Sunday when I intend to complete it. If you have not purchased this book yet, do so IMMEDIATELY. Blog world has some infuckingcredible writers! The info to buy is here, just scroll down a little bit. Now, go and buy it!!!

Monday, June 16, 2008

At Home With The Dust Bunny & Mulder

Ten years ago, I bought myself a Mother’s Day present. His name is Biscuit, he’s a Maltese. I lurvvve him very, very much. When I got Biscuit, he was just about the size and color of a buttermilk biscuit. Hence the name.

I gave him one of my daughter’s old stuffed animals to play with when I brought him home. Biscuit’s idea of “playing” and mine were miles apart. Biscuit decided that the small stuffed lamb was not a toy but was his girlfriend. Biscuit, at the tender age of about two months old, started humping that stuffed animal like it was the last female on earth! Many days, I had to hide the girlfriend up in the closet just to get Biscuit to eat or take a nap. He wasn’t particularly interested in other dogs and/or cats – male or female; he was head over heels in love with his stuffed lamb.

When Biscuit was three months old, it was time for the “operation.” I know that all you guys out there are touching your balls reassuring yourselves that yours are still there. Yup, I just KNOW it! I whisked Biscuit off for the de-balling one morning and was told to pick him up about five that afternoon.

I went to get him at the designated time. The vet gave me all the instructions, which are minimal and then took my sweet, slightly goofy Biscuit home. He was still under the effects of anesthesia so he wasn’t much interested in food but he did stand by the closet his girlfriend was in, looking wistfully upwards. I figured it couldn’t hurt for him to have the stuffed lamb because after all, he’d just had his balls cut off and probably wasn’t feeling very amorous. I forgot for a brief moment that a male is male whether human or dog. Biscuit, woozy with drugs and a sore nether region, went after the lamb like a man possessed. I was shocked but respectfully turned away so that Biscuit could enjoy the last of his testosterone.

After several minutes, I heard Biscuit sort of whining. I looked back over to where he was. I noticed he’d stopped humping and was standing a bit bow-legged. I went to pick him up and realized that my sweet, adorable, cute, cunning, baby Biscuit had the biggest, fucking erection I’d ever seen out of a porn movie!

Biscuit is approximately 10” tall, 13” long and weights 10 pounds. His penis was as hard as marble, jutting from his body at least 7.5 inches. Needless to say, I was totally horrified. “MULDER! MULDER!” I screamed. “Call the vet! Quick, CALL THE DAMN VET!” Mulder comes running from another part of the house, panic stricken that something awful had happened. I lifted Biscuit up by his front legs to show Mulder what was wrong. I swear to Gods, Mulder had a prideful look in his eyes, like – “That’s MY dawg! Damn!” Then reality hit and it dawned on Mulder he was going to have to call the vet to ask them what to do about HIS dawg’s world-class boner!

You know how you hear stories at work about the stupidity or naivety of customers, co-workers, patients, etc? Well, if you ever get a job at the XXXXX XXXXXXX Animal Hospital in Florida, you’ll hear about the guy that wanted to know how to deflate the ginormous erection his post-surgical Maltese had. Mulder says that on days the wind is just right, he can hear the vet, the technicians, the receptionists and anyone else who happened to be there that day, pissing themselves laughing.

I don’t tell him, it’s just me re-living the moment of his phone call.

(You put an ice-pack on the affected area and that hard-on goes down faster that a $10 hooker!)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day!

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

~Gloria Naylor

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
~ Author Unknown

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


THE book is published! Peach and her fellow editors have completed the blogger book, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE. Sales of the book will benefit the WARCHILD charity.

Over 100 bloggers contributed to the book. Many are my favorite reads and I'm sure some are yours. We'll also have the opportunity to find some new favs as well.

You can buy either a hard copy or download the book here:

Support independent publishing: buy this book on Lulu.

This book should be a must read, not only for bloggers, but for anyone who need to know that they are not alone.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

And they needed ... ?

Nude couple crash SUV in XXXXX with drugs, empty alcohol bottles inside

By Will Greenlee
Originally published 02:23 p.m., May 27, 2008
Updated 02:23 p.m., May 27, 2008

XXXXX COUNTY — A nude 18-year-old woman who admitted dealing marijuana was arrested after crashing a Toyota into a utility pole with a naked man as a passenger, according to an arrest affidavit obtained Tuesday.

Megan M. Douglas, of the 6300 block of Gardena Street, was behind the wheel of a blue Toyota Highlander on Friday night, eastbound on 25th Street. About 9:50 p.m., Douglas went down a swale and hit a utility pole head on.

Arriving deputies found Douglas and a passenger — a naked man — and both said they'd just had sex.

In the back seat, investigators turned up a purse with roughly 5 ounces of marijuana, a glass pipe, plastic bags and a digital scale.

"I asked Douglas if this was for personal use and she said she deals it," the affidavit states.
Investigators found alcohol bottles and cans in the driver's and passenger's areas.

Douglas and the passenger were taken to XXXXX Medical Center & Heart Institute, where Douglas was treated and arrested.

Douglas faces charges including possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana, possession of marijuana with intent to sell, possession of drug paraphernalia, DUI with property damage/personal injury and possession of alcohol by a person under 21.

Douglas was released Saturday from the XXXXX County Jail on $13,500 bail, a jail official said.

© 2008 Scripps Treasure Coast Newspapers
I love to read. I'll read most anything. I really love to read weird stuff about strange things. I read this story a few days ago and can't stop thinking about it.


Seriously, they had alcohol and drugs. They had sex so a condom run couldn't have been priority. Was it the munchies? Was the siren song of Doritos and Ding Dongs so strong that it caused them to rush from the house (?) naked? Did they hear a news report that gas had gone down to $1.99 a gallon and had to get it at that moment?

The idiotic things that people do fascinate me. Can you imagine how many dead and/or dying brain cells these two had to drive naked, stoned and drunk, and then crash? And ... and .... and - then admit to being a drug dealer???? Holy! Fuck! The preponderance of stupidity is staggering.

I've been having so much fun imagining what was going on in their pitiful minds that my inquiring mind really doesn't want to know the the real reason for their trip because I know it will disappoint me.

Let me know what YOU think what they were planning on. 'K?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Sorry ...

Jeez! I just noticed it's been a week since I posted. I'm working on a couple things right now, so I promise something new very soon.

Here's a couple of my favorite comics to read in the meantime!

OH! Vote in my poll, okay?