Saturday, September 27, 2008


Even a crazy bitch like me has a bit of altruism in her heart. The two I'll be adding later are near and dear to me. This is a new one

Hit up Always Aroused Girl's blog for how YOU can win a signed calendar and personalized day. Or, just go and buy a calendar to be sure of getting your special day.


You know that breast cancer has touched my life. Unfortunately, it has also touched many of my friends and people in their lives. Finding a cure is so important, not only for women but men as well. PLEASE go to Girl Gone Thread Wild and donate.

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness month but it's also "Proctober." Men, go and get your prostate exam. Ladies, go get your mammogram. Just fucking DO IT!


I'm not an Oprah fan but happened to catch her show recently. The story about Angel's Gate had me in tears. I visited the Angel's Gate and even though I'm piss poor at the moment, I signed up for a monthly donation. This is an incredible place. Since I don't love as many people as I do animals, I NEEDED to do this. I hope y'all will stop by the site.

The economy sucks. Yeah, I know that as well as everyone. Sometimes you just have to give, even a little wee bit, just to reach out. Your one dollar just might be the one to help someone that desperatly needs help, find the cure, comfort a dying kitten.

(No need for anyone to attend church this weekend. You've just been preached to at The Temple of The Dust Bunny!)

Monday, September 22, 2008

On this day ....

Friday, September 19, 2008

Piss, Moan and Apologize

Hi! How y’all doin’? Good? Sick? Shitty? Happy? Psychotic? Giddy?

You can tell me because I’m going to tell you how I’m doing. So grab a comfy chair and some cheese, I’m going to supply the whine!

By nature, I’m not a happy-go-lucky person. I worry. A lot. About EVERYTHING (the ozone layer, penguins, the economy - Oh! Sweet Jesus, the fucking economy!, Obama or McCain? Will the Dolphins ever win a fucking game? Is this really organic? Gods! I’m fat!), gas prices . I tend to think and over think. Spontaneity isn’t something that I have in me. I like a plan. For many years prior to Mulders “unwise career decision”, I was unhappy. Very, very unhappy. (Clinically depressed, actually.) I felt trapped, hopeless, despondent, and miserable but way down deep, in the depths of me, “something” was trying to be born. Since the “unwise career decision” has come and gone, although with lingering effects, that “something” has birthed itself and is continuing to grow within me. (No, I haven’t gone all “Alien” on you!) So, now here I am with two separate, totally opposite “selves.” I’ve named them ~ Martha (for Stewart), the old “me.” Martha is the perfectionist, the good wife and mother, Betty Crocker, Suzy Homemaker, Florence Nightingale, Eleanor Roosevelt … you get the idea. Lizzie (for Borden) is the “new” me, she’s one fucking, crazy, bitch. Lizzie is the younger of the two. She’s devil-may-care, going to hell in a hand basket; Fuck the Establishment, stick-it-to-the-man, Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll, PAAAAAARRRR-TAY! Type of woman. You can see where having these two constantly wrestling for dominance is disconcerting at times. Before you call an army of Psychiatrists or break out the butterfly net, neither Martha nor Lizzie are actual separate people that pop out at different times to deal with my life. They are me, I am them. We are just one (psycho?) person.

Since I’ve been living with Martha and Lizzie for awhile now, I’ve come up with several “plans” for my life. One year ago, I had rented an apartment, was leaving Mulder and selling sex toys (Slumber Parties). Lizzie was extremely dominant at that time. I stopped worrying about every fucking thing, couldn’t have cared less about foreclosure, bankruptcy, vehicle repossession or much else. I was off to be single, have fun, kick some ass, and enjoy myself. Mulder’s epiphany changed that plan. He talked to me for the first time in 34 years and we decided to give the relationship a go. No, I wouldn’t re-marry him and Yes, I was going to keep dating. So far, we’ve made some progress in our relationship but basically, in my opinion, it’s two steps forward, one step backwards. We seem to be at a lull in progress right now. Being an optimistic pessimist, I’m sure things will proceed once I can get a balance between Martha, Lizzie and the NEW plan I’m on.

A few months after Mulder and I decided to live together, I felt the need to CHANGE my job. Even though I’ve worked, full-time, since I was 18 years old, I do NOT consider what I do and/or have done a career. I have “jobs.” In all those working years, 36 to be exact, I’ve had exactly 24 months “off.” Those months were in 1977, 1985 and 1999, for the birth of two children and relocation. Is it any wonder that I’m depressed and feel trapped like a rat? What I have done is started working part-time in my current job and am going to school to become and aesthetician. I’m going to break out of the office and make a living by rubbing people! How fucking awesome is that! I’ll be out and about, not stuck behind a desk listening to people scream about their doctor’s bill. I won’t even really have to talk to the clients because it’s supposed to be quiet while I soothe them and make them look beautiful! I’m very excited about this new, CAREER! Whoopee! I figure it’ll work well for all of me (us). When you give someone a facial, you transfer energy to them. I also get to wax. Legs, eyebrows, pubes. I’ve got nitebyrd, Martha and Lizzie energy. Those are going to be some facials and waxings, I think.

Now, here’s the problem. (Wait! You’re saying to yourself, she’s been whining and bitching for a long time here. Dear readers, what you’ve just read is the aperitif – here comes the Grappa. Get a big glass.) If you’d like, I’ll wait while y’all go pee and grab some more cheese.

Back? Ready? The problem is that I can’t get me (us) motivated and into a routine to get anything done in an orderly or at least, semi-orderly fashion! You know that old saying: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well, you can, it’s just extremely difficult! I feel like a newly restored 1964 ½ Mustang. My exterior is sparkly and the engine is racing. I’m ready to go but have no wheels. Zip, nada, zilch – the only thing that I need to be tearing down the highway.

I go to school three nights a week, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. I work two full days a week, Wednesday and Thursday. I’m off, Monday until 4:00, Tuesday’s and Friday’s, plus weekends. I cannot, simply cannot get onto a schedule. I forget to take my medication, walk the dogs late, neglect household chores and generally procrastinate. I found this little doll in Michael’s. I cannot believe that they actually used me without my permission. Click on it to see how I’m dealing with things lately.

This is where I’d like to apologize to all my favorite bloggers. I’ve been hit-and-miss lately. I don’t like to skim posts, I want to read with comprehension and understanding. If I feel like my thoughts are too scattered and that “Fun with Dick and Jane” is beyond me at that time, I won’t read or comment. Will y’all PLEASE forgive me for not being punctual in my blog reading and posting while this old dog is learning some new tricks?

In addition to the school and working, I’m still attempting to sell Slumber Parties and to make dolls. Lizzie, Martha and I NEED to be creative. It’s one of the few things we all agree on. I went to college to be an artist. Somewhere along the line, I lost the desire to be creative. During the time Lizzie was forming, the need to create was forming along with her. I hope to be able to invite you to my Etsy shop soon to see my creations. I believe you all know me well enough to figure out that my dolls won’t be Barbie or Betsy Wetsy type dolls. *Insert Evil Laugh*

I am trying - really, really trying, to get Martha to get her ass in gear and help with time-management. I have faith that we are going to work this all out and get on track with my life. While I know that what I’m dealing with may seem minor to some, it’s GINORMOUS to me. If you guys have some thoughts, suggestions and/or criticisms, please tell me. I’m figuring if you’ve read this far, you have to have some.

Do you still have eyes? They haven’t burnt out from reading all this, have they? The whining has come to an end. (Aren’t you overjoyed?) I’m going to go have a couple of Dead Guy Ales and tuck us all into bed.

By the way, if you happen to see my libido somewhere, send it back home.

‘K? Thanxbye!

Not to leave you without actually giving you something for your time – read this book!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Holy Shit!

(WebMD) Sex triggered a life-threatening stroke in a healthy 35-year-old Illinois woman, her doctors report.

Sex- and orgasm-triggered strokes in relatively young women and men are rare, but not unheard of. They require a combination of factors and events not unusual in themselves, but which are highly unlikely to occur at the same time.

The 35-year-old woman's symptoms were typical of this unusual kind of "cryptogenic" stroke, says Jose Biller, MD, professor and chair of the neurology department at Loyola University, Chicago.

"This young woman ... while having intercourse had numbness on the left side of her face, slurred speech, and weakness in her left arm," Biller tells WebMD. "When she was transferred to our care six hours after onset, she was completely unable to move her left arm, her face was paralyzed, her speech was garbled, and she was in a state of panic."

It was too late to inject the woman with the clot-busting drug tPA, which must be given within three hours of a stroke. So Biller's team quickly ran a catheter from an artery in the woman's groin up into her brain to find the blood clot by angiography. Once it was found, they had only one option: to apply tPA directly to the clot.

It was a risky decision. "We did this with a lot of sweat," Biller says.

The woman's symptoms began to improve almost immediately; within an hour she was out of the woods and within 12 hours the symptoms were almost gone. Today she is well, with only an almost imperceptible fold in the skin under her nose and slight loss of dexterity in her left hand.

Stroke From Sex

Why did sex trigger this young woman's stroke? She shared one thing in common with six other young people who suffered sex-related strokes: a small opening in the wall between the two upper chambers of her heart.

One in four adults has this minor heart defect, called a patent foramen ovale or PFO. A PFO allows some blood to flow from the right side of the heart to the left side. This blood bypasses the lung and goes straight to the brain.

Most people with a PFO have no symptoms and don't know they have it. But 40% of people who suffer a cryptogenic stroke -- stroke of no known cause -- have a PFO.

Blood flow through a PFO increases when a person strains, such as bearing down during a bowel movement or breathing out with the mouth closed and nostrils pinched shut.

It also happens during sex, particularly during orgasm, says Brett L. Cucchiara, MD, director of the Penn Stroke Center at the University of Pennsylvania. Cucchiara was not involved in the Biller report, but studied two cases of sex-related stroke in 2006.

"In one of the cases we presented, it is a little embarrassing, one woman had stroke onset coincident with orgasm and having this sort of spontaneous guttural utterance or moan," Cucchiara tells WebMD.

But just having a PFO isn't enough to cause a stroke. A person also must have a blood clot, and that blood clot must break loose and enter the heart just in time to be sucked through the PFO during sex.

Normally a small blood clot would simply get stuck in the lungs and dissolve. But a blood clot that passes through a PFO can lodge in the brain and cause a stroke.

Biller's team did indeed find that their patient had a small blood clot in her leg, probably as a side effect of the oral contraceptives she used for birth control.

"This is a rare occurrence," Biller stresses.

"The vast, vast, vast majority of people with PFOs go through life and never have any problems," Cucchiara says. "You have to keep this risk of stroke during sex in perspective. The risk is very low.

"If you develop sudden neurological symptoms during sex, it could be a stroke and you need to seek help urgently and go to the emergency room," Cucchiara says.

"But you should not spend a lot of time worrying about this. Even if you have a PFO, of all the things to worr about in life, this ranks near the bottom in risk."

There are devices available for closing PFOs. But Biller and Cucchiara both note that doctors currently don't recommend this procedure -- even for most people who have already suffered a stroke.

That recommendation didn't convince Biller's young patient.

"She was scared to death, and she and her boyfriend and family were pushing us very hard to close the defect, so that is what we did," Biller says. "So she had the device implanted to close the PFO."

Biller's report appears in the September issue of the Journal of Stroke
and Cerebrovascular Diseases.

Installing A Husband


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
• Romance 9.5 and
• Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

• Please note I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?




First, keep in mind,
• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
• If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
• Please note Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

Monday, September 15, 2008

Thank you!

I've had over 10,000 hits ...

Thursday, September 11, 2008


remember 911 Pictures, Images and Photos

~ from Photobucket

Thursday, September 4, 2008

WTF? Where's the Force?

I'm thinkin The Dark Side is just totally awesome!

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