Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Installing A Husband


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
• Romance 9.5 and
• Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

• Please note I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?




First, keep in mind,
• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
• If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
• Please note Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

9 blew out from under the bed:

Constance said...

That's always a good one to read ! Happy Wednesday to you, Nitebyrd !

Ronjazz said...

Excellent! Very witty stuff.

Deech said...


Oh it hurts! Too much Laughing! Oh it hurts!

Sameera Ansari said...

He he,that was cute!

Dropped here by the black box :)

Spiky Zora Jones said...

ha...awesome post. I think everything is covered.

I like cooking 3.0 and hot lingerie7.7 hehehe.

Ciao babe.

Trixie said...

So if it does crash, then you upgrade to exhusband 1.0? I wonder for the applications for that one would be?

Riff Dog said...

Well, if you don't want to hear the consequences of Beer in 6.1, you certainly wouldn't want them in 5.1!

Oooo, that's two really silly jokes in one day. Don't worry, it won't happen again.

Ron said...

This is fucking BRILLIANT, Nitebyrd!!!

OMG...I laughed my ass off!!

God...YOU'RE GOOD!!!!

I think Microsoft VISTA needs to actually install some of this stuff on their software!!

Thanks for a wonderful laugh, Nitebyrd!

nitebyrd said...

Annie ~ It's very timely, I think. Have a GREAT weekend!

Ronjazz ~ I'm envious of talented, intelligent people that have WAY too much time on there hands.

Flyinfox ~ I made you laugh. My job here is done.

Sameera ~ Don't you just love that Black Box thingy? Thanks for stopping by, hope you come back.

Spiky ~ I'm worried that they are going to have a Windows Vista version and marriage will become extinct. Wait! That might not be such a bad thing.

Trixie ~ My theory is if the first operating system sucks then don't install in new one.

Riff ~ Funny and sexy. What more could we want?

Ron ~ Glad you liked it. I aim to please.