Ferris Bueller had a totally rockin’ day off – me not so much.
Last Friday, I took the day off work because my grandson had his 4-month check-up and his mom had a doctor’s appointment. The
appointments were both scheduled early in the morning and since the
offices are right next door to each other, I figured I could get some
stuff done the rest of the day. Ah! The best laid plans of mice and grandmothers do quickly go awry!
Lemme give you the highlights.
at 6 pm, I took a swig of Z-Quil. I don’t sleep well because according
to the sleep study I had done several years ago, I chase rabbits all
night. My legs never stop moving. (Apparently sleep
running does nothing to build more shapely thighs. Sad.) I also snore
like a drunken sailor. (True. I’ve woken myself up. Very embarrassing.) Anyway, the Z-Quil is a lovely thing – I sleep like the dead. Luckily,
I was out by 9 pm ‘cause at 1:30 am, my rabbit pursuit was curtailed by
my son loudly requesting I, “Come look at the baby’s arm.” Panic
out of bed, I went to their room to inspect said arm. There I found mom
crying hysterically, my son pacing and baby happily sucking on his
binky seemingly without a care in the world. However, one look at me sent him into a crying fit. His left arm wasn’t moving. OMFG!!!! His arm was pink and warm but bending it at the elbow intensified his crying. Seems mom went to lay him in the crib, he stuck his arm out and it ended up twisted under him. I decided a trip to the ER was in order.
That brought on more hysterics by both mom and dad thinking that baby would be snatched up by CMS or the men in black. I told them both to calm down that it would be fine. I also decided that coffee and nicotine were in order while the readied the baby.
After going in to wash up, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I knew why the baby started to cry when he saw me. I was terrifying. I am so not a morning person. Especially 1:30 in the morning.
My thoughts were that since the weekend hadn’t really started that the ER would be fairly quiet a 2:15 am. Wrong. A
double shooting in "the ‘hood| brought 2 ambulances, numerous friends,
relatives and neighbors with children and dogs, and various police
agencies to the hospital. In my still semi-Z-Quil stupor, I forgot my coffee in the car but wasn’t allowed out of the ER until the “lockdown” was lifted. This was not going well.
approximately 3:05 am, stoner Doogie Howser, M.D. came to check the
baby. He stretched, pulled and pushed his arm much to the baby’s
discontent then ordered x-rays. I mentioned to him that my grandson’s
shoulder or elbow might be dislocated but he being an M.D. and all, said
that “nursemaid’s elbow” was more of a pulling injury, not a pushing
one. The x-ray tech showed up at 3:20 am. Doogie came back
at 3:50 to inform us that all was well, no dislocations and it was
probably just a bruise. Watch him and if it wasn’t better in the real
morning, take him to the pediatrician. Brilliant! (By the way, the charges for this excursion totaled $1,990.00!)
arrived back home somewhere around 5:00 am. At that point, time had
become irrelevant. Baby and mom went to bed while Mulder, my son and I
drank some more coffee. Mulder and my son went off to work around 6:30 am and
I took a much-needed shower.
At 8:30, I woke mom up. She in turn got the baby up, fed, dressed and we were off to the doctor. The
pediatrician was told what had transpired in the wee morning hours. She
took one look at the baby’s arm and said his elbow was dislocated. She also wondered why the ER doctor didn’t see it on the x-ray. Well, there was no answer for that, was there? The doctor set about popping the baby’s elbow back in. This was not an enjoyable procedure – for baby, mom or grand. Especially when our doctor couldn’t quite get it and she called in the other doctor. OH! MY! GODS! I’m not sure who was crying harder, the baby, mom or me. It was horrible! I thought that since babies bones are soft that the procedure wouldn’t be too bad. WRONG!
trauma stopped once the elbow was realigned but he still wasn’t moving
his arm. The doctors assured us he’d be A-OK shortly. We left after he
was weighed, measured, inspected and injected. Mom got her doctor’s visit over and it was time to head home. Or so I thought.
By now, I was damn near incoherent. I truly began to hear my bed calling to me. It was only 10:45 am. Sleep would have to wait, though. In all the confusion, I forgot that mom has also scheduled a dental appointment for that morning! A trip to Starbucks was the only thing that saved me. Their regular coffee is like crack.
arriving home at 1:30 pm on my much anticipated day off, I was too
tired to do anything but watch some Law & Order: Criminal Intent
re-runs and drift off to sleep to dream about becoming a recluse, alone
in a mountain cabin.
Of course, when I see this face ~
running away, sleeping, pressure, stress, all fade away and I realize that life - if not perfect - is okay.