Sunday, November 29, 2009

Toy Review!

I came home from work the other day generally pissy and grouchy.  Not that this is unusual.  This day however, there was a package waiting for me from the wonderful Babeland.  They sent me the most adorable vibrator!   It perked me right up and just looking at it, made me smile.  The I Rub My Duckie Holiday Ornament is just so freakin’ cute, you’ll squeal even before you try him!

Since I own a full sized I Rub My Duckie Bondage Duck, I decided I’d give this little guy away to the first reader that sends me an email.  He comes in his own clear plastic ornament.  You can hang him on the tree and no one will know what you’re going to do later.  How cool is that?

Personally, I need something more along the Hitachi line to really get off but the I Rub My Duckie vibes are fun for warming up in the bath or shower because they’re waterproof.  The bends and curves of the duck’s head, breast and tail give a variety of angles for clitoral and labial stimulation.  The vibrations are powerful enough to “get the party started” or for some nice coming down, soothing vibrations after you’ve had an orgasm (s).   The cute factor is also a plus; I Rub My Duckie is unique and can get a vibrator novice over the first hump, so to speak. I definitely like how well he fits in my hand.  Being waterproof, the duck is easy to clean, lube friendly and definitely able to go where others can’t.  Having your little Santa Duckie sitting on the edge of the bathtub won’t shock guests like a huge penis shaped vibrator or dildo would.  I Rub My Duckie Santa Travel Vibrator is decorative AND useful!  With the economy being what it is, it’s nice to get something that can multi-task.

I Rub My Duckie is made of PVC.  The duck itself is approximately 3 ¼” x 3”.  He uses one AAA battery.  The package says the battery isn’t included but Babeland says it is, so I don’t know for sure.  I do know since its Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, etc.  You’ll have batteries in the house if you don’t already.

Babeland is running all kinds of holiday specials – go visit them!  They made my day with I Rub My Duckie, I’m willing to bet Babeland has something that will make yours!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Yeah, I know ...

 We have Muscovy ducks in Florida.  They are not pretty ducks like Mallard.  They’re ugly and dirty.  Neanderthal ducks, they eat, shit and mate.  That’s it.  The male duck will pin the head of the female duck down while they mate.  Since this happens all the time and the ducks have no sense of decency, this is something that is seen almost daily.

Many years ago, I was driving my daughter to school.  It was a rainy day so lots of puddles were around.  Off on the side of the road, I noticed a pair of ducks mating.  The male had the female’s head pinned down in a large puddle.  He was oblivious to the fact that she was drowning.  He just banged away.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t break the pair up to save the female as they were on the opposite side of the road.  After I dropped my daughter off at school and was going back, I passed the body of the female lying in the puddle, dead.  The male had gone off to eat and shit, I guess. 

The image has stayed with me all these years and it’s often I think of it as a metaphor for life.  Life will pull you under until you feel you’re suffocating, fuck you over and just when you think something great will happen, you die. 

Yeah, I know.  I need help. 

However, being an optimistic pessimist, I was watching a herd of squirrels at my house yesterday.  The babies were out with the adults and all hell was breaking loose.  They were playing, fighting, eating, pooping and fucking like rabbits.  All the while, they were chattering and just seemed to be having the time of their lives.  They made me smile.

Just like I’d rather be the hammer than the nail, I’d rather live life like a squirrel than a Muscovy duck.  I’m fighting the rising tide, dear readers.  I’m fighting.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Chicago! And Give-A-Way

Taking a trip to Chicago was a nice break for me. Hell is full and Florida must be in the running to house the overflow because it’s been so freakin’ hot here, the birds are flying back north for the winter! When I found out it was 41 degrees in The Windy City (5 Celsius) I was so excited. I was gonna be cold and see some real trees with fall leaves!!! We have trees in Florida but they aren’t “real” trees, they’re palm trees, some mutant pines called – Australian Pines (which I never saw in Australia, by the way) and some wretched excuses for oak trees. Pathetic foliage in The Sunshine State, if you ask me. Kudzu and Florida Holly (HA!) seem to grow with abandon as does the fabulous St. Augustine grass or as everyone else knows it, CRAB GRASS!

Oh, shit! I’ve lost the thread, haven’t I? Back to my trip to Chicago. It was blissfully cool, not quite cold, but cool. I could shower and walk from the bath to the bedroom without sweating like a Sumo wrestler. I got to wear jeans with boots and an actual sweater as Ron escorted me around the city and I was actually comfortable!

The city of Chicago reminds me of New York City but ratcheted down a couple levels. Not as crazy as NYC but close. I spend some time people watching on the corner of State Street and Randolph while Ron was taking care of some business. (He didn’t just leave me on the corner; I chose to be outside near Borders and a lovely teashop.) I was amused by the brazenness of the city pigeons and bike messengers. Both seem to have death wishes. Although, I pondered the possibility of breeding a pigeon to a bike messenger and coming up with the fastest, most insane (and ugly!) creature on earth.

The Chicago theatre district was cool. My tour guide(s) were excellent at pointing out landmarks and things of interest. I ate a bagel in the Thompson Center where scenes from the movie “Running Scared” were filmed. (Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines – hysterically funny!) The Navy Pier, of course is a “must see” but as I was told, it’s much busier and more exciting during the summer. I can understand that. Inside was a fantastic stained glass exhibit and outside on the lake, there was a very cool ship sailing by as you can see. From the Pier, you can look across Lake Michigan to Gary, Indiana. WOW! The weather was beautiful for the most part. I got to see plenty of trees getting dressed in their autumn finery during our walk near Northwestern University. My, my, some of those college guys looked good enough to eat with a spoon. Yummy!

Not only did I see Ron on this trip but I got to see an old friend from the Nickelback message boards that I’d seen a couple years ago. Wild and her daughter, Wilder came to have lunch and chat. Wild is younger than me and DAMN! Is she GORGEOUS! She looks even better than when we met in Florida. She is a good, funny, friend who happens to be an incredible writer. Her poems, to me, are legendary. Ages ago, she wrote a poem that was so damn erotic, I was embarrassed when I was all squirmy and aroused at the end finding out she was writing about a fucking DONUT! Neither of us saved the poem and I’ll be eternally pissed off about that. Oops! I’m off in the weeds again, sorry. Srsly, she is a great writer, I just wish she’d do it more often.

Wild, Wilder and I had a nice lunch and chat. Wilder is a teenager so she texted most of the time but is a really nice and very funny kid. It was really wonderful to see Wild again. I’m going to say it again; Nickelback fans are the absolute best people – EVER!

All in all, I had an absolutely wonderful trip. I couldn’t have asked for better people to see Chicago with and to have a needed holiday with. It was relaxing, exciting, fun and peaceful – at the same time. I’m glad I went.
Thank you, Ron and Wild. Love you both!  MmmmmmWAH!


My “Better Late Than Never” Breast Cancer Awareness Give-a-way!

I’m going to run this until December 1, 2009. I’m posting it here (Shhh! My blog is secret) on Facebook and on Twisted Pleasures.

Leave a comment. That’s all you have to do. One comment, one entry. If you want to get three (3) additional entries, donate $5.00 to my daughter’s team for the South Florida Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure to be held January 30, 2010.

I’ll put all the comments from all three locations into a random draw at and let the winner know by an announcement on each location.

Here’s what you get:

A “placemat” purse made by ME! This is a Ralph Lauren placemat made into a purse. It’s lined in a soft green with two slip pockets inside. Oxidized silver handles with a rose quartz breast cancer ribbon charm as the closure. The purse is approximately 13” x 7.5” x 4”. Handle drop is approximately 14.25”.  Recycle in style, baby!

Four handmade glycerin Victorian rose heart soapies. They each measure 2 x 2 x 1/2 approximately. These soaps are made of pure vegetable glycerin soap and enriched with Aloe and Vitamin E. The scents and colorants I use are skin safe as well. Lavender scent. From Agony’s Decay at Etsy.

A 6 oz 100% SOY, TRIPLE SCENTED, LEAD FREE WICK Pink Sugar scent candle in a blue tin from Redneck Candles at Etsy.

A sample of 96% Organic Lavender Oil-Free Hydrating Serum from Spa Goddess at Etsy.

Organic Lavender & Aloe soothe & aid the regeneration of skin cells.
Use this ultra-healing Lavender serum as a soothing, lightly moisturizing, clarifying facial treatment.
Scent is richly Lavender with a subtle hint of apricot.
Lavender & Aloe soothe Rosacea and help heal & prevent blemishes. Clarifies pores for a cleaner, more refined appearance.
Apply a thin layer of Lavender Oil-Free Hydrating Serum after cleansing & toning. Use a facial spritz such as Angel Face Botanicals Lavender Mist to achieve an even application and follow with moisturizer. This serum will enhance your moisturizers therapeutic, emollient properties. For oilier skin try using the serum in place of moisturizer, or mixing it with a little bit of moisturizer.

A glass tube of Black Cherry scented incense with holder, Sephora “Precious Pink” lip gloss, Breast Cancer Awareness Rubber Duckie, a cool key fob (also made by ME!), a stuffed Breast Cancer Awareness teddy bear, a Mega-Mite waterproof vibrator, Dust Me Pink, edible body powder with feather duster in Barely Berry, a “surprise” goody bag and a ceramic “Thanks A Bunch” plaque.

Okay, get commenting (and donating, if you can and/or want to!)  THANKS!