Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Revenge of the Dildos

Just so y’all know I torment my children with equality.

My son has recently started to date a very Christian girl. She has him going to church and has made him cut back on his partying. Even though I'm basically a Pagan, I think she is a good influence on my son who sometimes gets carried away with enjoying himself.

A couple of weeks ago he was bringing her home for the first time. I was under strict instructions not to have any of my sex toys and/or catalogs lying around the house. Just so you know I’m a “Slumber Parties” distributor. I don’t just leave dildos scattered hither and yon around the living room. That would be fun though, don’t you think?

Having just received a stock order of these:

I put them into a cardboard box and left it on a small table until I could put batteries in them to “test them out.” (*wink, wink*) The table happened to be by the DVD holder.
I then left to do something else. Leaving the room “dildo” free …. Kind of.

My son and his girlfriend come home, introductions were made and they decide to watch a movie. My son is a big boy, tall and solid. He is not particularly graceful and was nervous that his new girl was meeting his somewhat odd mother. Needless to say, as he went to get a DVD, he kicked the table and the vibrators, dildos, plus assorted lubes and lotions came flying out of the box all over the floor!

I only wished I had a camera to capture the look on his face. It was something like this:

His girlfriend initially had a “deer in the headlights” look but quickly dissolved into hysterical laughter and damn near passed out from laughing as my son made diving leaps to snatch up the toys and bottles. That “double header” is 18” long, about 4” around and is wobbly – I almost broke a vein in my head laughing at him with that one in his hand. He didn’t find the whole escapade too funny which made is so much better for me.

Somehow I feel like I scored a little “gotcha” for Tony as well as myself and gave him a dog/human high-5. It was a good day!

12 blew out from under the bed:

Vi said...

The first one is my Thumper! Happy New Year!

Ronjazz said...

You're a cruel woman, Byrd...I love it!

Jackie Adshead said...

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!! Love it, nitebyrd! Isn't it lovely when you get your own back like this?

Happy New Year to you, hope it fulfills your desires and dreams!

HSWLOVER said...

Very funny! I will say, however, on behalf of some of my friends, that Very Christian Women can also be Highly Sexual Women.

Lady in red said...

aww don't feel neglected

but your post has made me laugh so much lol

Eve in Chains said...

At least the girl has a good sense of humor!

Have a Happy New Year, nb. Looking forward to reading more in 2008!


Anonymous said...

Nitebyrd, that is fantastic!
Have a great New Year.

Constance said...

That was classic :) I'm sure it'll be long remembered and always laughed over !

DJ Kirkby said...

and give that girlfriend of his a perfect 10 for being so completly tolerant of others and she has a sense of humour...loved this post, how hilarious!

nitebyrd said...

Vi, that first one is "top 'o the line!" It has 350 different combinations. It scares me a little bit. :-O

Ron, sometimes being cruel is so damn much fun!

Jackie, my favorite words to my kids are, "I told you so." Revenge is always sweet in nitebyrd world.

Welcome, hswlover - I think EVERY woman has the potential to be highly sexual. They just need the right stimulation, so to speak.

Lady, glad you got a kick out of it. I sure did. I know you won't be too neglectful - you love us all so much! ;)

eve - she'll need a good sense of humor to date my son. He actually is very funny. Most of the time.

racy, Thanks! Hope your New Year's was wonderful.

Annie, I do have some classic stories for the grandchildren (when they arrive.)

dj - Thank you! My son just wanted me to make a good impression during the first meeting. I made an impression, not sure how good it was but the girl came through with flying colors.

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