Friday, August 29, 2008

That's insulting!

My niece, who knows me very well, gave me a calendar last year called, “An Insult a Day.” It’s one of my favorite calendars, ever! Here’s a few of the best from January through today:

The last bit of methane left in the intestine of the dead cow that is post-modernism.
~ critic Robert Hughes on Jeff Koon’s “Jeff in the Position of Adam” *

Men are such idiots, and I married their king.
~ Peg Bundy (Married With Children)

You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!
~ Lewis Carroll

California has the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites. The reason? New Jersey got first choice!
~ Joan Rivers

He’s got two brain cells: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
~ anonymous

Do you want me to accept you as you are – or do you want me to like you?
~ anonymous

Hunched in its ravine, it is a hard-bitten, proletarian town, populated by immigrants … from beyond the Carpathian mountains. Bingo parlors abound, as do establishments dealing in prosthetics.
~ journalist Peter Conrad about Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in The Observer Review of London

She was a professional athlete – of the tongue.
~ Aldous Huxley

He who joyfully marches to music in rand and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since, for him, the spinal cord would fully suffice.
~ Albert Einstein

She truly has the soul of a moth and the brain of a dead trout.
~ Scott Sandler, friend of actor James Woods, on Wood’s ex-girlfriend

Converse with any plankton lately?
~ anonymous

You look like a haggis with pointed toes. A tight old bladder skin holding together some rotting offal.
~ Saffron, to her mother after a Botox treatment on Absolutely Fabulous

Who among us has not gazed thoughtfully and patiently at a painting by Jackson Pollock and thought, “What a piece of crap”? *
~ critic Rob Long 1992

What she lacks in tact, she makes up for in being a complete moron.
~ political blogger John Amato

She gives lunatics a bad name.
~ Billy Crystal about Courtney Love

Do they ever shut up on your planet?
~ anonymous

She’s uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.
~ Southern expression

* In "Dust Bunny" world, I'm an artist. In the real world, I'm a Nickelback fan so I really hate pompous needle-dick critics but a good insult is a good insult. That's the way I roll.

29 blew out from under the bed:

Deech said...


Anonymous said...

those are awesome


Akelamalu said...

I just love those. I wish I could remember them just at the right time!

A good one I heard was

"He has the IQ of a dead plant!"

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Ha...I love Absolutely Fabulous...and that was so funny.

Bunny...I love how you roll. And I just love you more knowing you are a Nickelback fan...Cause they fucking ROCK!

Ciao babes...sweets, you have an absolutely fabulous weekend. :D

Riff Dog said...

Those are really funny!

Jackie Adshead said...

Some great lines - love the Jackson Pollock one!!! Very funny!

DJ Kirkby said...

Hah!! These are hilarous. Come on over to mine on Sunday, I'm going to post a vid that will make you giggle. xo

Constance said...

And some of those were VERY good insults :)

Utter Basketcase said...

PMSL!!! I love the 'Men are idiots and I married their King' one! Too funny! xx

Ron said...


Every single one of these is friggin' BRILLIANT!

But the Joan Rivers one about California and New Jersey is my FAV!

DAMN..that's funny!

And I LOVE the AB FAB photo!

Great post, Lady Nitebyrd!

Casdok said...

They are brillient!!
I will have to look out for this calendar!

Trixie said...

Oh you reminded me just how funny Peg Bundy was! I so MISS married with children!

Anonymous said...

Giggle is a tart over at my place!
Ya might wanna bring a bucket because you'll probably puke!!!

Anndi said...


"Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own"
- Anonymous

Fire Byrd said...

as someone once said to me;
They knew everything and i knew everything else....

Brian Gardes said...

I love those. I wonder if I could get away with using those on middle school students.

trublmaka said...

I'm with you.. I LOVE a good insult.. if only my brain could contain more than how to change nappies, clean puke off polished floor boards without harsh chemicals or smell and every line to all the disney/pixar movies, I'd be able to recall some of these when the time is right!! lol

nitebyrd said...

Flyinfox ~ Yeah, they made me laugh, too!

Sage ~ TY!

Akelamalu ~ Me, too! I always need time to get my brain in gear.

Spiky ~ Nickelback, ROCKS! Listen for a new song due out 09/30. AbFab is one of the greatest TV shows ever made.

Riff ~ They are, aren’t they?

Jackie ~ I knew you’d get a charge out of the Pollock one.

DJ ~ OMG! Although I was late watching the video, it was hysterical!

Annie ~ I loves me some good insults!

Giggle ~ That “King” one is excellent, isn’t it?

Ron ~ Joan definitely can be very funny at times. She’s no Dane Cook but then who is?

Casdok ~ Good to see you! Just check your local bookstore.

Trixie ~ I only watched it once. The husband reminded me of my brother-in-law and I don’t like him much.

Rat Girl ~ Please forgive me for being horrid and not visiting you recently. I’m so bad. 

Anndi ~ Oh! I LOVE that one! LOL

Fire Byrd ~ I like that one, too! I used to have a sign in my kitchen that said, “I married Mr. Right. Mr. ALWAYS Right!

Garbonzo ~ Sure, why not? Oh! Wait … we must be kind and courteous to the little darlings now. Dammit!

Trublmaka ~ Oh! Girl!! You definitely need a grown-up night out!

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