Friday, May 3, 2013

Eat it, dammit!

Few things really piss me off. (All right, there are A LOT of things that really piss me off but I’m not writing War and Peace right now.)  If you want to see my head explode and hear my Exorcist voice, ask me, “What’s for dinner?”  Those three words make my blood boil.  Another thing that makes me furious is half-donut-eaters.
Y’all must know people like this.  They are either the largest person in the group or the skinniest bitch around.  From my experience, they are never average to slightly overweight people.  They are always the extremes.  And, their donut etiquette sucks.

Nothing is more pathetic than seeing a box of donuts that is riddled with halves.  Poor mangled (‘cause Gods forbid you use a knife!) glazed, sad filled ones oozing jelly or cream like a zombie ravaged head, wretched chocolate covered pieces, their ends drying out by the minute.  It’s disgusting and downright rude.

Grow a set people and eat the whole damn donut!  I know you can do it.  For the large/BBW or M/fat/fluffy/roly-poly/big, etc. folks, you’re not fooling anyone by only eating half a donut.  I know you can eat a whole one and probably have on more than one occasion. I DON’T CARE!  You obviously eat and do a damn good job of it.  Just because there are other people around won’t make you look thinner if you only eat part of a donut (or half your lunch salad with lemon, for that matter)!  If you’re on a diet, don’t eat any part of a donut!  By ripping it in half doesn’t mean the ratty part you left in the box kept the calories.  Jeez!

For all you waifs that are model thin and look like heroin addicts, I know you’re skinny.  Your adolescent boy-like figure is a perfect size -0.  Lots of men love women without tits.  I’m sure that a whole donut will fill you up for days and days.  I DON’T CARE, eat the whole damn donut!  If you are a full-grown woman that only weighs 99 pounds and you can’t eat a whole donut, get some medical and/or psychological help.  Worrying that the donut will make you gain a pound and whining to everyone, "How bloated!" you are will burn up those calories in no time. Bitches!

So now you’ve been warned.  I’m a slightly overweight, mildly psychotic, rage filled-woman that will throw out with abandon anymore donut halves I see (or I might stab you in the ear with the knife you didn't use).  I don’t care much for donuts myself but the wanton destruction of pastry is just too much for me to bear.  I won’t even get started on half-cookie-eaters.

From Millan.Net

8 blew out from under the bed:

little monkey said...

This post makes me sooooooo happy!!!

but dammit, I thought I looked thinner when I only eat half. Thanks for bursting my bubble :)

Ron said...

I sooooooo agree, Nitebyrd! And if someone only wants to eat part of a donut, then wrap it up and put it somewhere until they decide to eat the rest of it. But to take a bite, and then place it BACK INTO the box is disgusting. AND rude.

And god, if you ever want to see me freak out, watch how react if someone leans over from across a restaurant table and sticks their fork into my food in an attempt to taste it. OH. MY. GOD.

X ya, Sis!

Akelamalu said...

All or none, I'm with you on this one!

vixen kitten said...

Wait....I weigh 98 pounds, HAVE tits and eat entire donuts!

I agree with you completely...well, the part about leaving 1/2 behind. Eat it or throw it away, but I don't want the half your dirty paws were all over that you leave in the box!


CrystalChick said...

Oh my, I have to admit to doing that with pieces of chocolate from assortment boxes. My hubby goes in after me and gets all the ones I didn't like. LOL I would never do that at anyone's house but mine, however, I know it was a little disgusting.

I don't eat donuts anymore, but when I did.... NO.FREAKING.WAY would I left half of one. They have to be eaten in their entirety. Absolutely all or none!

Anonymous said...

It's just like when people leave a swallow of something in the frige. Not enough for a full glass but too much to just throw out.

I throw it out....

Britnie said...

hahaha you crack me up! This is great! I hate donuts, so I'll never be that person ;) But I won't leave half a cookie around, cookies are meant to be eaten!!!!

and thank you again for the Wedding present, it meant so much to us that you cared!!!

nitebyrd said...

little monkey ~ Sorry to be a bubble burster but it is something that makes me nuts! Eat the whole thing, the calories are minimal after the first half! Thanks for stopping by!

Ron ~ Someone eating off my plate is another pet peeve with me, too. My sister does it all the time. I HATE it! Thank you for coming by, bro!

Crystal Chick ~ You do whatever you want in your own house with your own box of chocolates, girl! I do! It's the "community" thing that boils my blood. Thank you for stopping by!

Akelamalu ~ Thanks, girl!

Vixen Kitten ~ That's 'cause your a woman with balls! You know you're awesome and don't have to try to impress anyone! Thank you for comin' by, hun!

Random Girl ~ You're most welcome! I am so in awe and impressed by how you are creating your wedding. It is going to be so amazing. I can't wait to see pictures and more pictures! Glad I made you laugh. Thanks for taking time to stop by!