Thursday, August 21, 2014

When dreams become nightmares.

 As usual, I'm right on top of current events. But in this case I'm cutting myself some slack. Robin Williams suicide hit me like a tsunami.  I was overwhelmed.  He was and will remain one of my favorite actors and human beings.

Y'all know that I suffer from depression. I take medication but those that sit on the edge of The Abyss everyday also know that there are events, etc. that will send you tumbling down - medicated or not.  That one of the most brilliant, talented, generous spirits could end his life, pushed me right over the edge, into the void for days.  Even now, I feel deep, deep sadness. I feel it for his family, friends and millions of fans like me that couldn't understand, "Why?"

I read this quote posted on a friend's Facebook page ~

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”

                                                                                                                            ― David Foster Wallace

It's helped me comprehend what Robin Williams may have felt.  It makes me sadder to know that those flames were moving ever closer to him and that he believed no one could or would keep them at bay.  It also makes me feel better knowing that I don't even have anything smoldering.

From Millan.Net

4 blew out from under the bed:

Anonymous said...

That you have nothing burning, makes my heart lighter. That depression and darkness steal so many beautiful people, it's a well of sorrow without bottom.
seeing your words here, is a ray of sunshine.. ((nitebyrd)))

Ron said...

Like you, the passing of Robin Williams hit me like a tsunami. For days afterward, I walked around with feelings of loss and sadness, as if I knew him personally. It felt like a void in my heart. I was stunned.

Thank you so much for sharing the words of David Foster Wallace because it does help to comprehend what Robin Williams may have felt.

But even still, he will be greatly missed.

"It also makes me feel better knowing that I don't even have anything smoldering."

(((((((( You ))))))))

X ya, Sis!

CrystalChick said...

It was such sad news. I adored Robin Williams. A talented actor and a wonderful man.
Thanks for the quote, it makes sense.
Good to know you aren't experiencing any flames.

flying solo said...

So very well said. Those of us who don't deal with depression have no clue of the pain and anguish others who are dealing with it have to endure. The analogy of the burning building puts in very much into perspective. How we all wish he would have had a net tho... he will be dearly missed.