Saturday, March 29, 2008

Was it an alien abduction?

After meeting Powder and before meeting Art, I met Slick. Slick was also from the dating site. He seemed like a nice guy and maybe he truly is but to me he’s a:

On my dating site profile, I post my age minus 2 years but am truthful about everything else. I’m a middle-aged, mother of two grown children, not Playboy material. I go on to say that I have a good sense of humor, I’m willing to experiment, am pretty much up to do anything and that I have a variety of interests. I told the truth. Slick’s profile was close to mine in the fact that we wanted “Friends with Benefits” and not a life partner. He also seemed to have a great sense of humor. He sounded like an up-front kind of man.

We exchanged approximately 40 emails and talked several times on the phone before we met. Here’s some of his emails:

HI again
I think we may have a rhythm going, but it looks like we may be on the same wavelength.
I am not looking for one-night stands, looking for a good friend for more then one night.
I hope we can get to know each other soon, look forward to talking to you

Thanks for writing, I am not married and have a good sense of humor.
I would love you to show me your body art, and your piercings gave me a few carnal thoughts, so no nothing you have said have bothered me only got me more interested.
You sound like you may be a lot of fun and someone I would like to get to know. I like your pic, and I think I like your mind. Let's talk soon

Your programmed in my phone, hope we talk soon, have a feeling we have the same sense of humor. I don't go to as many concerts as in the past; my last was Dave Mathews, but am up for it. Talk soon

I like hearing things about you more is better. You have a busy mind, little like me, never rests.
Sorry you have had a tough time lately, you need some fun. It's funny; my business partners' wife sells pure romance stuff, so I know a little about your new products.
I know your going to be an interesting woman to get to know and I know you are fun in and out of bed.
If it's OK I will call tomorrow, know your busy today

I like the way your brain works, I know your going to be a hard one to BS, my name is Slick. I did that because it's so easy to find out where I live because of my license and I had this woman a couple of years ago who I had one lunch with, she would show up at my house a lot and I had a hard time getting her to leave me alone. Ed actually used to work for me, so I have been a little more careful, I don't think you’re a nutball, well maybe but in a good way.
I am going out of town next weekend, maybe the next or whenever you can find the time, I am flexible. Talk to you tomorrow
(His profile name was "Ed Smith.")

Actually, I thought it was great talking to you, we talked 92 minutes. It was very easy and if the rest of our interactions go that well, we are going to have a lot of fun together. Talk to you soon
(This was after our second phone call.)

your so much fun, can't wait to you have your way with me and I will let you hurt me so good, you do make me smile a lot, I wish I didn't have to go out of town this weekend, anticipation

Sounds great, right? I believe that nice guys will tell the truth. I might be naïve in thinking they will. However, I’m honest so I expect them to be.

Now, I know – y’all will call me on the age lie but that isn’t the type of thing I mean. When I meet a man and feel that it won’t work, for whatever reason, I tell them. I’ll also tell a guy, “Yes, I like that.” Or “I’m not sure, let’s talk about it some more.” I also expect honesty from them. The men I’m meeting are not youngsters and neither am I. We should be beyond the games and fear of rejection. I am. Rejection can hurt but I’m old enough to pout for a day and then build a bridge to get over it. Shit happens – all the fucking time!

I met Slick at his house. He was personable, funny, intelligent and not bad looking. We talked for quite a while before he leaned in to kiss me. He was a good kisser. Starting out softly then building the intensity. He didn’t use his tongue like a toilet snake. Very nice. We sat on his couch kissing, feeling and getting our clothing generally disheveled. After a little while, Slick suggested we go in to the bedroom.

Now I probably should have had a little flash of insight at this point. His bed wasn’t made and the TV was on. I apparently was in a lust filled fog because it didn’t set off an alarm. Not even a teeny-tiny one. After all, he had gone out and bought Guinness for me. We proceeded to get undressed and fall onto each other, still kissing. He got right down to business. His hands went to my breasts, squeezing then pinching my nipples. He kissed my neck. His tongue trailed down my chest and he sucked on each erect nipple in turn. Meanwhile, his hand moved between my legs. I moved to open them and he plunged in. He fingered me with one finger while his thumb rubbed my clit. I bit his neck and pushed against his hand. He was very adept at making a woman cum just with his fingers but when he withdrew his hand and applied his tongue, I decided he just might be related to Gene Simmons. He was crazy mad with his lips, tongue and teeth. Gods! He was brilliant! I came several times. Now, I was really turned on. I struggled to a semi-seated position, put my hands on either side of his head and told him to come up.

Once he lay next to me, I reached down to grasp his modest cock. He was very hard, so I stroked him and cupped his balls. He moaned deep in his throat. I bit his neck and then toyed with his nipples. He pushed himself against me. I whispered, “Would you like me to suck you?” His reply was, “No. I’m going to fuck you.” He swiftly donned a condom and knelt between my legs, he pulled them up to his shoulders and without preamble, slid into me. He pounded away for a bit. It was good because he was a bit rough, which I like very much. I watched his face. He looked at me and smiled before his head went back and a silent scream escaped his mouth. His arms tightened and trembled under my hands. I knew he had cum. He sighed then lowered his body to mine. His head was on my chest and I stroked his back as we lay there, catching our breath.

It was really quite lovely, laying there until I felt something wet and cold on my hip. I jumped, he jumped off me and the scream died in my throat when I saw it was his dog, a Great Dane that had come in to see what was going on. He decided to get a bit too close with his sniffing. A Great Dane has a fucking huge nose!

Slick and I laughed when the dog looked at us, snorted and returned to the living room. After that, we lay in bed with each other sharing a beer and just talking about nothing.
I was relaxed. He seemed happy. There were rainbows, lollipops and Smurfs dancing around us. Well …… not really but you know the feeling after a good fuck.

I was starting to get too relaxed and knew I had a long drive home so I told Slick it was time for me to leave. I excused myself to his bathroom to get myself together. He slipped on a pair of shorts and met me in the living room. He pulled me to him, kissed me deeply and held me closely. He said, “Would you come back if I asked you?” I assured him I would. He was intelligent, nice, a decent lover and a good guy. So? What’s not to like, right? He walked me to my car, gave me one more kiss and I left.

The next day, I thought I would receive an e-mail or text saying, “Thanks!” or “Had a good time.” Or “See you soon.” Or “Go fuck yourself!” or “This isn’t going to work.” Something! Anything! I mean, even Powder had the good grace to shut the fucking door on the friendship. I heard not a peep from Slick. Late in the day, I sent him an e-mail.

I thanked him for a lovely evening and hoped that he also enjoyed himself. I know full fucking well he did but I had to say something. No response from him that night or all the next day. This from a man that had e-mailed and called on a regular basis! Then two more days went by with silence. Had he died? Did I have the “Pussy of Death?” Had he been in an accident and was stuck in a ditch or canal? Was he abducted by aliens? I went onto the dating site to check if he had been there. Sure enough, the man had been on the site everyday since I’d seen him.

I sent one last e-mail:

Slick ~ You’re not a gentleman but I’m a lady, so I won’t write what I’m thinking. I’m also a grown woman with a great mind and a healthy ego. If you didn’t enjoy yourself nor don’t think we’d work as FWB, then you should have just told me. Instead, you withdrew and hid like a child that’s broken his mother’s favorite figurine. Good-bye.

I have never heard from Slick again. I thought, briefly, that I was a horrid lay or that I had bad breath but I decided, rather quickly, that it was him and not me. I guess that after Powder and Slick, I could only do better in my quest for “Friends With Benefits.” And I have. Mulder (since he's had his epiphany) and I are having regular and better sex than ever. Mulder is a wonderful student who loves to learn new and exciting sexual things. He’s a good friend, an excellent father and a good man. I have Art who makes me laugh. Art loves to talk about all kinds of things; he’s a wonderful lover, cook and friend. I also have Vincent. He’s the man I credit for lighting the spark in my zombie heart that opened a whole new world for me. You’ll be hearing more about Vincent and Mulder in the future.

Slick could have put me off the whole “dating” thing but he didn’t. His lesson to me was to enjoy the moment and don’t worry too much about what’s coming tomorrow because it could be something even better. If it's not, at least you had fun yesterday. I can't in good conscious let this end on a sweet note, being a BITCH, I feel I must award Slick with my:

19 blew out from under the bed:

Mortuis said...

That which does not kill me better run damn fast!

There are always assholes; there will always be assholes. You were lucky to learn what he was so early on.

And sometimes you have to kiss a lot of horny tods before you find your handsome prince.

And that's enough cliches for one day....

Dazzed and Confused said...

I have mixed emotions about your adventures but the one thing I do know without a doubt is this guy is a total asshole. He has no clue of the potential friend he has dismissed.

The one piece of advise I have for you is not to gauge other men by me. Remember once you’ve had the best there’s no need to screw the rest. Hehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady in red said...

lol at Mulder

now I know why he has been too busy to blog!!

this guy sounds so much like coach. The guy I met in january who was so wonderful and full of promises. I didn't blog what happened after we met because there was nothing to tell, like slick he just disappeared........I thought that was very foolish of him becasue if I wanted to stalk him it would be so easy. I know where he lives, where he works which teams his son plays football for. But no he had to treat me like a mug he took me to his home then later to his bed whilst making me promise I would see him again in two days time and how soon would we meet each other's kids.
I could have been bitter about this but I chose to set my own standards of who to meet and now I have found Romeo who is 100 times the man coach is. Am I bitter no just better he he he

so let me get this straight, Art, Mulder and Vincent ...... me thinks you are very lucky

Eve in Chains said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you, sweetie. I've had this happen numerous times, unfortunately. For some reason men don't feel the need to be courteous or respectful of someone they've been intimate with. Even briefly. I find it to be beyond rude. It is outright mean. And hurtful.

Yes, I'm generalizing. I suppose not all men will do this, but that's not been my experience.

I'm glad you have found other "friends" who continue to play and show you the respect you deserve.



Ron said...

Evening Nitebyrd~ hit the nail on the head when you mentioned "the fear of rejection."

I think there are some people(Slick the Prick) who would rather reject FIRST...for NO other reason, than the fear of BEING rejected!

And I applaude you dear lady, for taking the chance and putting yourself out there to be open!!!

BRAVO to you!

But it still doesn't change the fact that he TRULY deserves the ASSHOLE MERIT BADGE!!

P.S. I KNEW I liked you!

Casdok said...

Great award!!
As you say enjoy the moment!

John-Michael said...

With "lighting the spark in my zombie heart that opened a whole new world for me" on their resume', anyone would be worth some serious consideration of. Such a lovely thing to be able to attribute to any fellow human being.

(and I consider that worthless waste of life, just a bit of 'something' stepped in along life's path. wipe it off your slippers, and enjoy the next step.)

I love who-you-are.

Jeff B said...

What a fucking loser he is!

nuf said.

Enigma said...

Het Nitebyrd, good on you for telling Mr modest dick' what you thought...i had that happen whern i was dating, there really doesnt seem to be a reson, except that after they get what they want, they disapear....
i,m glad your not cynical, and i dont think it matters the age, people have a real problem with being upfront, especially men, they would rather disapear, than tell you why.

DJ Kirkby said...

Ah fuck am I gladthat I am out of that dating game! He most def deserves that badge, what a tosser.

Utter Basketcase said...

Ahhhh so that's who Mulder is!

Hello :-) I'M BACK! :-)

That Slick is a real Prick! Omg! What a Loser!!! That's ok, you sound like you'll do just fine with out the bastard!

Hey... I have a little something special for you in my latest post! :-) Hope you like it! xx

Ronjazz said...

Well...nothing I can add here, except to say that you deserve a whole lot better. If he had simply been honest and just said, "Byrd, I just wanna fuck", it might have been better. You just remember, honey, that what happened is absolutely NO reflection on you...none! He obviously had/has an agenda, and you were an unwitting victim. Put it all away, attribute the night to what it was and move on.

You're a real babe, honey. Don't you ever doubt that.

Vi said...

What a fucking spineless git! I hate guys like that, do all the chasing, then as soon as they've got what they want, move on to somebody else. The thrill of the chase. He rightly deserves that badge! I know a few blokes I could award it to! You should have started this up as a meme. Getting others to give an 'Areshole' award to! LOL!!!

Constance said...

Slick was most definitely an ass++++ and your e-mail to him was perfect, Nitebyrd.

Glad he didn't turn you off men altogether. It was definitely his problem.

Bad manners and a modest dick - NOT a good combo. Add to that being a b.s. artist - ugh.

It's never fun being a one night stand. Regardless, you´are way better off without this creep in your life.

Ms Leather N Pearls said...

I'm really sorry you had to run into a "slick". They should come with warning signs ... You deserve better!

Chris King said...

But you lied about your age!!

Indi said...

Your worth a hell of a lot more than what he was worth.. You'll find some one better and not an ASSHOLE like what her obviously was! Never give up... life's for living ... I always lie about my age!!Lol

nitebyrd said...

Hi!, everyone ~

I'm being lazy and just doing a general reply. I have to say that after Powder and Slick, I really wondered if I was desirable or interesting at all. I thought about and bitched about it for awhile then decided it was them and not me.

There are always going to be pricks and assholes in the world so none of us can really do much about them. The best we can do is try to limit contact until we're allowed to strangle them. ;)

Thanks y'all for the support! I love you guys.

The Middle Child said...

Wow, some people lack the common sense and maturity needed to live as respectable adults. Maybe he thrives on the chase and once he has what he was chasing he's just not into it anymore and moves on to the next chase. Still, to act like a child... whatever! Count your lucky stars, sounds like someone like him wasn't worth keeping around anyway if it was just going to bite you in the ass eventually.