Tuesday, March 31, 2009

motorbikes,ducks,and crispy, sweet apples

I only know Chopper (Christopher I. King) via his witty blog - Full of Bull! and through D.J. Kirkby’s writings about him in her blog but I can tell he’s a funny and caring man. He’s not clown (Gods forbid!) or Jim Carrey funny. Nope, Chopper is smart funny and that’s the best kind.

Most of you already know that Chopper has written a book – “motorbikes,ducks,and crispy, sweet apples”. If you’ve read it, you know just how smart and humorous this man is.

I read “motorbikes,ducks,and crispy, sweet apples" in a weekend because I desperately wanted to know what Jimmy decides to do with his life. Jimmy, Ash, Katrina and even Avril, are characters so well written that they almost cease to become fictional. Chris’ writing style is sharp and crisp as those apples. The story zips along like a nitro-fueled motorcycle and sometimes is as funny as a duck on dry land. I was sad when I finished the book but I took solace in the fact that *I* know exactly what Jimmy did, he made the right choice.

D.J. also made the right choice in cajoling Chris into writing his first novel; he’s definitely a natural storyteller.

Go and buy this book! You’ll thank me.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Randomness, Chin Hair and a Contest

The U.S. has “sprung ahead”. I loathe this time change. Yes, I know – we get more hours of daylight, yadda, yadda. I don’t care. The whole thing screws up my body clock or whatever the hell you call it. It gives me brain fog. I have phantom PMS to the max!

I cry every time I hear Sarah McLachlan sing that song in the animal commercial. I read Real Live Lesbian’s blog the other day about The Best Ice Cream in the World – cried. I went over to Loving Annie’s Travel Treasures. She had a post about Your Cell Phone Is Ringing – cried. Luckily, Annie had a recipe for cherry pie in a different post that kept me from drowning in tears and snot.

Even before the time change, I’ve been feeling zombie-ish and icky. *sigh* This also means I haven’t felt very sexy or horny. I’ve been clearing out Slumber Parties stuff because I have a “store” on Twisted Pleasures. Even holding and turning on vibrator after vibrator didn’t get me going. It’s a pitiful situation. I’m seeing Art on Friday so I hope that I’ll be feeling more “in the mood” by then. For Art’s sake, I’ll be making a heroic effort. I’ve got a DVD to review for Babeland, maybe I’ll bring that for inspiration.

Okay. I’ve whined enough. Now I’m going to bitch. As most of you know, I recently graduated from esthetician school. I’d LOVE to be able to get a job in this field but as you also may know, the economy sucks ass right now and people don’t consider facials a necessity. (They are, you know. Your skin is very important to take care of!) Anyway, while I was in school, we did “clinicals “ on actual people.

Some men, but mostly women. I started to become aware that women, no matter what their age, seem to be unaware of their chin hair. It’s shocking! Women coming in for a facial, eyebrow and lip wax – don’t want or aren’t interested in having their chins waxed! FFS!!! The majority of the women I worked on desperately needed their chins waxed. Some had five o’clock shadows! Ladies, we are in the 21st century. The ‘60’s are long past and crunchy-granola, let’s be all natural, days are gone. Seriously, look in the mirror and get rid of your chin hair. It’s unattractive. You’ve got styled eyebrows, a clean lip, landscaped pubes, bare pits and legs but you have a fuzzy chin! If your esthetician offers to wax your chin. for God’s sake – LET HER! Don’t go through all the expensive of a facial and waxing then come out looking like Maynard G. Krebbs! (Google! him.) I’ll stop ranting now. But this is something that really appalled me and it was something I never noticed before I went to school. I’m giving you words of wisdom here, pay attention!

Now, I’m not only giving you advice but I’m going to give you a chance for an actual BABELAND Gift Card! How about that! Just answer the questions below in a comment and at the end of March, I’ll do a random drawing of all the correct responses for a $20.00 Babeland Gift Card. You can find the answers at Babeland.

Yeah, I know – I’m making you work for it. But who doesn’t want to peruse the Babeland pages. Think of it as window shopping for what you can buy if you win the gift card!

The questions:

1. Balls with a Ph.D. would be _______________.

2. Jesse James was a _______________.

3. A water Wizard would have a _______ ________.

They’re easy. Go. Look. What are you waiting for!