Good Bye, Good Riddance 2008!

Sweet Jesus! Are y’all as fucking happy as I am that 2008 is over? This year has basically sucked ass for me. Yeah, I have some bright spots. Learning a new skill. Other than being pretty much insane, I’m healthy. Gas prices have gone down. I have some absolutely fabulous friends in “real life” and in Blogland. My daughter’s been cancer free for over two years. Giggles had a healthy baby girl. My son is working full-time. I still have a job and Mulder has one, too. There’s some other things but I’m a glass half-empty kind of person unless the glass is half-full of Guinness then I know I’m feeling happy. Anyway, my con side of the scale is weightier than the pro side. So, I’m looking forward to kicking 2008 to the curb and jumping on 2009 with gusto!

I figure everyone will be off drinking, partying and recovering this week so I’m going to wait until next week to post another installment of “Rocky.” Don’t whine. It’s not attractive.

Back in April John-Michael tagged me with a MeMe. I’m going to do it now followed by the MeMe DJ Kirkby tagged me with in May. Yeah, yeah! I know I’m slow but better late than never.

Five Fascinating Facts About Me ~ I find this totally hysterical! I’m SO NOT fascinating.

1. My mother was 45 years old when I was born. My father was 53.
2. I had a poem published when I was in high school.
3. I majored in art both in high school and college.
4. I can drive a stick shift.
5. I attended a party at Robin Gibbs house in Miami and met Sylvester Stallone.

Five Years Back I Was ~

Richer, Younger, Happier

Five Snacks and Treats I Enjoy ~
1. Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia Ice Cream (NOT that low-cal shit!)
2. Lay’s Low Salt Potato Chips
3. Sam’s Choice Tropical Trail Mix
4. Chocolate anything
5. Ramen Noodles

If I Were A Billionaire I Would Be ~

FREE!

Different Jobs I’ve Had ~
1. Switchboard Operator
2. Typesetter
3. Sales Person
4. Advertising/Marketing Manager
5. Seamstress

Different Places I Have Lived ~
1. Peekskill, New York (Original home of Mel Gibson!)
2. Ossining, New York (Home of Peter Falk and Sing Sing Prison!)
3. Dania, Florida (I got nothin’ for here.)
4. Coral Springs, Florida (Nothing here, either.)
5. ALMOST in Melbourne, Australia (Too old, they didn’t want me.)

And now for D.J. Kirkby’s!

7 Things I plan to do before I die ~

1. Get to visit Scotland and England
2. Go back to Australia
3. Make enough money to tell the bastards to go to hell!
4. See my children’s children
5. Be well and truly happy
6. Have a MMF and a FFM threesome
7. Be an excellent esthetician

7 Things I do now ~
1. Work
2. Go to school

3. Work some more
4. Sleep
5. Watch TV and DVD’s
6. Work
7. Create

7 Things I won't do ~
1. Pick up a snake
2. Eat Liver
3. Betray a friend
4. Listen to country, rap or hip-hop music
5. Like George Clooney
6. Hurt an animal
7. Make judgments
.
7 Things that attract me in the opposite sex ~
1. An excellent sense of humor
2. The ability to speak in full sentences
3. Nice arms and hands
4. A HUGE bank account and one foot in the grave (Nah, just kidding. Really!)
5. The ability to LISTEN
6. A sense of adventure
7. Able to make decisions and take charge

7 Celebrities that I admire ~

1. Tim Burton
2. Johnny Depp
3. George Romero
4. Chad Kroeger
5. Kim Harrison (Author)
6. Tom Brokaw
7. Stephen King (Author)

7 Foods That I Enjoy ~

1. Massman Curry
2. Pasta
3. Chocolate
4. Vegetables – except squash
5. Shrimp
6. Real French Fries
7. Blackberries


So, have you found me fascinating? Please forgive me while I laugh my ass off! I’m doing everyone a favor by NOT tagging any of you. If you want to do them, by all means, have at it. Let me know if you do, I’ll come read more about you. You’ve got to be more interesting than me!

May you all have a peaceful, prosperous, happy, safe, fun, amazing, joyful, beautiful New Year!

Look out 2009, here we come!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

May you all have a very, Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, Joyful Yule, or a wonderful whatever-you-celebrate!

101 Posts

Hi! How’s everybody doing? I’m okay. Semi-zombie, semi-insane. You know, the usual. I wanted to do this post as my 100th post but as you can see, among my other talents, I can’t count. I know everyone in Blogland is on tenterhooks waiting to hear about my romp with Rocky but y’all will have to wait a little while longer. It’s worth it, I think.

I’d like to celebrate my 101st post by saying, THANK YOU!, to a few people and by pimping some other things that are near and dear to me.

DJ Kirkby mentioned this

on her blog and I think it’s a very worthwhile thing. Just think about something, anything!, that matters to you and write it down for the entire internet to see. Beauty! Isn’t it? C’mon, even a wicked old bitch like me has something(s) that matter.

I also would like to thank DJ Kirkby for once again awarding me her Wordless Wednesday Award for this caption. Actually, Trousers found my comment, “My tits are alive with the sound of music!” award worthy. Thank you both, very much.

Trixie also gave me an award for her first ever, Tickle Trixie’s Fancy – Wordless Wednesday. I’m so honored. Thank you, Trixie!

If y’all don’t read Garbonzo, Should Have Been Here Yesterday blog, you should. At least PLEASE do yourself a favor and read this one .
If you don’t pee yourself laughing and wonder about this guy being a teacher, then there is something wrong with you.

The lovely Giggles! Introduced me to Daren Callow, who is a wonderful singer/songwriter. I requested one of his sample CD’s and was so pleasantly surprised at what a great performer he is. His songs are stories and I like that. I’m partial to When The Snow Fell On Denver and Obsession. Please go listen and watch Daren if you haven’t already. It’s a little free Christmas (Hanukah) gift you can give yourself. I hope when I get to the UK, if I haven’t gone deaf and blind with age, that I’ll be able to see Daren in person. Or better yet, I hope he gets more famous and will have a US tour, first stop – Florida!

In case you don’t know, a fellow blogger, Butterfly Temptress, is battling cancer. Babeland is offering a 10% discount through December 31st, to everyone that orders through a Babeland affiliate link (see my sidebar) when you enter BUTTERFLY at checkout. Now, I know with the economy the way it is, money is tight but take a look at this for twenty bucks! And you’ll get a discount AND help a fellow blogger. Even if you have insurance, treating cancer costs major money. I know from my daughter’s treatment. Babeland has tons of awesome items under $25.00. I’ve asked to be able to review and give away one of the Pink Kink Kits, so stay tuned in January!

(Babeland's Come For The Cure Kit)

Now, another gift to my wonderful readers. Twisted Pleasures is a new online sexual community for all of us with … well … kinks and who love sex of all kinds! There are some truly fantastic members, amazing pictures, advice, videos, chat, stories, role-playing, forums, groups and more. All of it with a sexy edge. It’s also FREE to join! Yup, FREE! The owner is also offering FREE Gold Memberships to the first 250 people who join. What’s better than FREE? Yeah, I know FREE with whipped cream and blindfolds but you gotta supply them. Twisted Pleasures can only give so much!

Here’s my shameless self-promotion. I’ve opened my ETSY store. Go visit, please.

You don’t have to buy but could you go look? Please. I’m adding things at my usual snail’s pace and will soon do charity donations as soon as I start selling stuff! Thanks!

Once again, I want to say THANK YOU! to every single person that has visited my blog whether you’ve commented or not. Special thank you’s with big, sloppy, wet kisses to the people that do comment. I love you. I get tingly when you leave a comment because I know that you’ve read the words I’ve written. I know that I’m not alone, that you understand and care. That you’ve taken the time to let me know that makes my itty, bitty zombie heart swell with love. Each and every person who is on my blog roll is special to me just as those who read my blog are. Very, very, very special love to Lady In Red, Ronjazz and Cherrie (Sensuous Libertine) who were the very first commenter’s when I hadn’t even written a word yet! Y’all rocked my world and inspired me to continue. I hope that everyone will stick around for the next 100 posts.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

TO ALL MY FRIENDS ...

SELECTIONS FROM H.P. LOVECRAFT'S BRIEF TENURE AS A WHITMAN'S SAMPLER COPYWRITER.
BY LUKE BURNS

White Chocolate Truffle

What black arts could have stripped this chocolate of its natural hue? The horror of the unearthly, corpselike pallor of this truffle's complexion is only offset by its fiendish deliciousness.



Nut Cluster Crunch

This eerie candy will test the sanity of all but those who possess the strongest of constitutions. Strange congeries of almonds, walnuts, and pistachios dance hypnotically within, promising to reveal their eldritch secrets to anyone foolish enough to take a bite of these ancient nut clusters!

Coconut Creme Swirl

They say that the Coconut Creme Swirl sleeps. But if the dread Coconut Creme Swirl slumbers, surely it must also dream. It is certain that while it dozes the Coconut Creme Swirl is absorbed by terrifying visions of exacting its creamy tropical vengeance upon mankind! Consume the Coconut Creme Swirl before it awakens to consume you!

Dark Chocolate Fudge

Dark! All-encompassing, eternal darkness! Human eyes cannot penetrate the stygian blackness of this unholy confection!

Peanut Butter Cup

In 1856, a fisherman from a tiny hamlet on the New England coast made a terrible pact with serpentine beasts from beneath the sea, that he might create the most delicious sweet seen upon the Earth since the days of the great Elder Race. Thus was forged the satanic pact between peanut butter and chocolate that resulted in the mutant offspring you see before you!

Chocolate Cherry Cordial

You must not think me mad when I tell you what I found below the thin shell of chocolate used to disguise this bonbon's true face. Yes! Hidden beneath its rich exterior is a hideously moist cherry cordial! What deranged architect could have engineered this non-Euclidean aberration? I dare not speculate.

Caramel Chew

There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.

Toffee Nugget

Few men dare ask the question "What is toffee, exactly?" All those who have investigated this substance are now either dead or insane.


A very close friend sent this to me awhile ago. I figured after last week it was time for some fun!

President Barack Obama

I would like to know how people in other countries feel about the United States of America electing a bi-racial man as president.

All you lurkers out there please post a comment. I'm very interested in your views.

Thanks!

Get your ass out and VOTE!

*** I've cast my ballot. My son went with me, it was his first time voting. Have you voted? What the fuck are you waiting for? :) ***


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I am not political. I don't engage in political discussions, or religious ones for that matter. I do feel that it is important to understand what the candidates are saying (even if it all is bullshit) and to make an informed decision then cast your vote for the candidate you think will do the best job for the country. Like assholes, everyone has a opinion. I definitely have mine. The economy sucks, corruption and stupidity are rampant, homelessness, poverty, racism, bigotry, intolerance and oppression know no bounds at present. But, this is our country. We cannot ignore the problems while we revel in the freedom. It is the responsibility of each and every one of us to help make America prosperous, tolerant, safe and joyful.

Go vote on Tuesday, make a fucking difference!

Happy Halloween!

BLOGIVERSARY GIVE AWAY!

As usual, I'm late. Yesterday was my one year blogiversary. In the past year so much as happened. Some good things, some bad things. I may have taken backward steps but I've continued to try move forward. My friends that come here have been a huge inspiration. I still marvel that people find my posts interesting enough to read, to comment on and to come back! Thank you, all so very, very much.

In honor of my blogiversary and because it's breast cancer awareness month, I'm doing a raffle. Leave a comment and IF YOU CAN (not required) make at least a $1.00 donation to my daughter's Susan G. Komen Race for The Cure team and you'll be entered! Pass the word, I don't care if people never come back to read me as long as they make the donation and leave a comment. In case you don't know why this is important to me go HERE.

Here's what you'll get:

*A Mini-Wantchi Waterproof Vibrator with batteries
*Sample of Just Like Me Lubricant - Wet Watermelon
*A pair of Softy (silicone) Cock Rings
*Watermelon-Kiwi Shower Gel and Body Lotion
*Lacy, crotchless panties
*Pink "Awareness" Duckie to remind you to self-exam
*A pair of edible strawberry pasties

All wrapped up in a gift bag to be given to a special someone or just to make YOU feel special.

I'll do a random drawing next Saturday from all people who've left a comment.

I do hope that y'all will continue to come to read about my weird, wonderful, horrible, crazy life. This "bunny" loves each and every one of you.

And now for something completely different ...

Recently I did a post about shaving my friend Art. Although it wasn’t really sensual or erotic, it did show me how trusting people can be when you care about each other. I now will tell you about how much Mulder cares for me and trusts me. It’s not pretty.

Since I decided to kick office work to the curb and become an esthetician, not only do I do facials, waxing and make-up in school but I have to practice at home. When you ask friends and relatives if they’d like to be your guinea pig test model, they all want a facial (hold the extractions) and be made up. Getting waxed on any body part – not so much. My daughter has allowed me to do her legs. My son let me rip hair off his back. I really, really enjoyed that. Sort of payback for his birth. My son-in-law has let me wax and tweeze his unibrow. He does look much better with two eyebrows. I can’t wait to do the guys nose hair.
So, I’ve had some waxing practice. But no bikini or Brazilian recruits.

A few weeks ago, the class was shown a video on doing male Brazilian waxing. It didn’t look too hard. The main thing was to pull the skin taunt and have the victim subject assist in the process by holding dangly bits out of the way. Mulder, bless his heart, volunteered to be my first male Brazilian client.

To wax smaller, more sensitive areas such as the pubic zone, you use “hard” wax. It’s a wax that doesn’t need have pressure applied onto a fabric strip for removing the hair. It adheres only to the hair, not the skin, and is pulled off in its entirety just as you’ve placed the wax on the area to be de-haired. This wax will be less traumatic for the skin that is growing the pubes. Definitely a plus when you’re ripping hair out of a guy’s balls and butt crack. Being a newbie to the whole esthetician arena, I didn’t know the subtleties of the actual wax to be used. “Hard” wax, I knew was the product to use but didn’t know that there were so many qualities of hard wax. So I heated up the hard wax that I purchased at the suggestion of the Sally Beauty Supply salesperson. (I can hear y’all now going, “Uh!OH!)

Mulder had showered and exfoliated the night before. He happily stretched out nude on the bed while I arranged the supplies, tested the wax and did a little hair trimming. When all was ready, I started to apply the wax to his groin. I figured the entire process would take about 45 minutes (it took the video woman about 20). My first clue that this wasn’t going to be easy was when the wax took a very long time to “set up.” Meaning it got hard enough to be stripped off. Once it finally was ready I flicked the edge. Flicking the edge is done to get a grip in order to tear it and the hair off. Remember, this type of wax is not supposed to stick to the skin. This wax wasn’t coming up with the normal flick. It appeared to be stuck to hair AND skin. I needed to PRY the end up to begin the ripping. Once that was done, much to Mulder’s shock of my fingers digging into the area, I began to use my smooth wrist motion to remove the strip quickly, parallel to the skin. This is supposed to be an instantaneous action. 1-2-3 wax off! Except when the wax breaks. And break my wax did. Over and over and over again.


Mulder remained stoic throughout the entire 2.5 hour process. He never screamed or punched me. Now, we did take several breaks to smoke and drink beer. Seriously, I should have given Mulder beer intravenously, the poor guy. I asked a few times if he wanted me to stop but he bit the bullet and told me to continue. I tried a thicker application of wax. I tried smaller areas, bigger areas, cooler wax, hotter wax – this was when Mulder’s testicles high-tailed it into his body and I was worried we’d never see them again – no matter what I did, the wax refused to cooperate. Instead of watching and feeling a lovely ballet supplied by the cremaster reflex, I prayed to The Waxing Gods that I wouldn’t accidently rip his balls off with the wax and have a cremaster muscle fly out of the carnage. I do have to say that after about 4-5 beers, we began to laugh. Laugh like lunatics. I’m pale, shaky and sweating from stress and Mulder is naked with his crotch looking like a failed science experiment. But we were able to laugh.

It felt good to be with someone that loves and trusts me enough to let me apply hot wax to his most delicate, precious area and then rip it off, all so I can become a really good esthetician. He actually is going to let me do it again. AFTER I’ve gone to the esthetician convention this weekend and have purchased some much better quality wax. He’s a very brave man. Well … very brave or very stupid. Probably a little of both considering he still wanted to be with me even after the divorce. As you’ve might have guessed, I’m not really an easy person to live (be) with.

There was absolutely nothing sexy, erotic or sensual about doing a male Brazilian wax on Mulder but it was a bonding experience. Bonding is something we need. To be totally honest, I don’t remember if we had sex afterwards or if I even had the strength to give him a world class blow-job. I truly think that if his cock had seen me coming anywhere near it, it would have gone into hiding, trembling with fear. If it could, it probably would have screamed like a banshee


P.S.(Check out my entry in the SKULLADAY contest! It's the last one.)

PSA's

Even a crazy bitch like me has a bit of altruism in her heart. The two I'll be adding later are near and dear to me. This is a new one
.

Hit up Always Aroused Girl's blog for how YOU can win a signed calendar and personalized day. Or, just go and buy a calendar to be sure of getting your special day.

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You know that breast cancer has touched my life. Unfortunately, it has also touched many of my friends and people in their lives. Finding a cure is so important, not only for women but men as well. PLEASE go to Girl Gone Thread Wild and donate.

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness month but it's also "Proctober." Men, go and get your prostate exam. Ladies, go get your mammogram. Just fucking DO IT!

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I'm not an Oprah fan but happened to catch her show recently. The story about Angel's Gate had me in tears. I visited the Angel's Gate and even though I'm piss poor at the moment, I signed up for a monthly donation. This is an incredible place. Since I don't love as many people as I do animals, I NEEDED to do this. I hope y'all will stop by the site.

The economy sucks. Yeah, I know that as well as everyone. Sometimes you just have to give, even a little wee bit, just to reach out. Your one dollar just might be the one to help someone that desperatly needs help, find the cure, comfort a dying kitten.

(No need for anyone to attend church this weekend. You've just been preached to at The Temple of The Dust Bunny!)

On this day ....

Piss, Moan and Apologize

Hi! How y’all doin’? Good? Sick? Shitty? Happy? Psychotic? Giddy?

You can tell me because I’m going to tell you how I’m doing. So grab a comfy chair and some cheese, I’m going to supply the whine!

By nature, I’m not a happy-go-lucky person. I worry. A lot. About EVERYTHING (the ozone layer, penguins, the economy - Oh! Sweet Jesus, the fucking economy!, Obama or McCain? Will the Dolphins ever win a fucking game? Is this really organic? Gods! I’m fat!), gas prices . I tend to think and over think. Spontaneity isn’t something that I have in me. I like a plan. For many years prior to Mulders “unwise career decision”, I was unhappy. Very, very unhappy. (Clinically depressed, actually.) I felt trapped, hopeless, despondent, and miserable but way down deep, in the depths of me, “something” was trying to be born. Since the “unwise career decision” has come and gone, although with lingering effects, that “something” has birthed itself and is continuing to grow within me. (No, I haven’t gone all “Alien” on you!) So, now here I am with two separate, totally opposite “selves.” I’ve named them ~ Martha (for Stewart), the old “me.” Martha is the perfectionist, the good wife and mother, Betty Crocker, Suzy Homemaker, Florence Nightingale, Eleanor Roosevelt … you get the idea. Lizzie (for Borden) is the “new” me, she’s one fucking, crazy, bitch. Lizzie is the younger of the two. She’s devil-may-care, going to hell in a hand basket; Fuck the Establishment, stick-it-to-the-man, Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll, PAAAAAARRRR-TAY! Type of woman. You can see where having these two constantly wrestling for dominance is disconcerting at times. Before you call an army of Psychiatrists or break out the butterfly net, neither Martha nor Lizzie are actual separate people that pop out at different times to deal with my life. They are me, I am them. We are just one (psycho?) person.

Since I’ve been living with Martha and Lizzie for awhile now, I’ve come up with several “plans” for my life. One year ago, I had rented an apartment, was leaving Mulder and selling sex toys (Slumber Parties). Lizzie was extremely dominant at that time. I stopped worrying about every fucking thing, couldn’t have cared less about foreclosure, bankruptcy, vehicle repossession or much else. I was off to be single, have fun, kick some ass, and enjoy myself. Mulder’s epiphany changed that plan. He talked to me for the first time in 34 years and we decided to give the relationship a go. No, I wouldn’t re-marry him and Yes, I was going to keep dating. So far, we’ve made some progress in our relationship but basically, in my opinion, it’s two steps forward, one step backwards. We seem to be at a lull in progress right now. Being an optimistic pessimist, I’m sure things will proceed once I can get a balance between Martha, Lizzie and the NEW plan I’m on.

A few months after Mulder and I decided to live together, I felt the need to CHANGE my job. Even though I’ve worked, full-time, since I was 18 years old, I do NOT consider what I do and/or have done a career. I have “jobs.” In all those working years, 36 to be exact, I’ve had exactly 24 months “off.” Those months were in 1977, 1985 and 1999, for the birth of two children and relocation. Is it any wonder that I’m depressed and feel trapped like a rat? What I have done is started working part-time in my current job and am going to school to become and aesthetician. I’m going to break out of the office and make a living by rubbing people! How fucking awesome is that! I’ll be out and about, not stuck behind a desk listening to people scream about their doctor’s bill. I won’t even really have to talk to the clients because it’s supposed to be quiet while I soothe them and make them look beautiful! I’m very excited about this new, CAREER! Whoopee! I figure it’ll work well for all of me (us). When you give someone a facial, you transfer energy to them. I also get to wax. Legs, eyebrows, pubes. I’ve got nitebyrd, Martha and Lizzie energy. Those are going to be some facials and waxings, I think.

Now, here’s the problem. (Wait! You’re saying to yourself, she’s been whining and bitching for a long time here. Dear readers, what you’ve just read is the aperitif – here comes the Grappa. Get a big glass.) If you’d like, I’ll wait while y’all go pee and grab some more cheese.

Back? Ready? The problem is that I can’t get me (us) motivated and into a routine to get anything done in an orderly or at least, semi-orderly fashion! You know that old saying: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well, you can, it’s just extremely difficult! I feel like a newly restored 1964 ½ Mustang. My exterior is sparkly and the engine is racing. I’m ready to go but have no wheels. Zip, nada, zilch – the only thing that I need to be tearing down the highway.

I go to school three nights a week, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. I work two full days a week, Wednesday and Thursday. I’m off, Monday until 4:00, Tuesday’s and Friday’s, plus weekends. I cannot, simply cannot get onto a schedule. I forget to take my medication, walk the dogs late, neglect household chores and generally procrastinate. I found this little doll in Michael’s. I cannot believe that they actually used me without my permission. Click on it to see how I’m dealing with things lately.

This is where I’d like to apologize to all my favorite bloggers. I’ve been hit-and-miss lately. I don’t like to skim posts, I want to read with comprehension and understanding. If I feel like my thoughts are too scattered and that “Fun with Dick and Jane” is beyond me at that time, I won’t read or comment. Will y’all PLEASE forgive me for not being punctual in my blog reading and posting while this old dog is learning some new tricks?

In addition to the school and working, I’m still attempting to sell Slumber Parties and to make dolls. Lizzie, Martha and I NEED to be creative. It’s one of the few things we all agree on. I went to college to be an artist. Somewhere along the line, I lost the desire to be creative. During the time Lizzie was forming, the need to create was forming along with her. I hope to be able to invite you to my Etsy shop soon to see my creations. I believe you all know me well enough to figure out that my dolls won’t be Barbie or Betsy Wetsy type dolls. *Insert Evil Laugh*

I am trying - really, really trying, to get Martha to get her ass in gear and help with time-management. I have faith that we are going to work this all out and get on track with my life. While I know that what I’m dealing with may seem minor to some, it’s GINORMOUS to me. If you guys have some thoughts, suggestions and/or criticisms, please tell me. I’m figuring if you’ve read this far, you have to have some.

Do you still have eyes? They haven’t burnt out from reading all this, have they? The whining has come to an end. (Aren’t you overjoyed?) I’m going to go have a couple of Dead Guy Ales and tuck us all into bed.

By the way, if you happen to see my libido somewhere, send it back home.

‘K? Thanxbye!

Not to leave you without actually giving you something for your time – read this book!

Holy Shit!

(WebMD) Sex triggered a life-threatening stroke in a healthy 35-year-old Illinois woman, her doctors report.

Sex- and orgasm-triggered strokes in relatively young women and men are rare, but not unheard of. They require a combination of factors and events not unusual in themselves, but which are highly unlikely to occur at the same time.

The 35-year-old woman's symptoms were typical of this unusual kind of "cryptogenic" stroke, says Jose Biller, MD, professor and chair of the neurology department at Loyola University, Chicago.

"This young woman ... while having intercourse had numbness on the left side of her face, slurred speech, and weakness in her left arm," Biller tells WebMD. "When she was transferred to our care six hours after onset, she was completely unable to move her left arm, her face was paralyzed, her speech was garbled, and she was in a state of panic."

It was too late to inject the woman with the clot-busting drug tPA, which must be given within three hours of a stroke. So Biller's team quickly ran a catheter from an artery in the woman's groin up into her brain to find the blood clot by angiography. Once it was found, they had only one option: to apply tPA directly to the clot.

It was a risky decision. "We did this with a lot of sweat," Biller says.

The woman's symptoms began to improve almost immediately; within an hour she was out of the woods and within 12 hours the symptoms were almost gone. Today she is well, with only an almost imperceptible fold in the skin under her nose and slight loss of dexterity in her left hand.

Stroke From Sex

Why did sex trigger this young woman's stroke? She shared one thing in common with six other young people who suffered sex-related strokes: a small opening in the wall between the two upper chambers of her heart.

One in four adults has this minor heart defect, called a patent foramen ovale or PFO. A PFO allows some blood to flow from the right side of the heart to the left side. This blood bypasses the lung and goes straight to the brain.

Most people with a PFO have no symptoms and don't know they have it. But 40% of people who suffer a cryptogenic stroke -- stroke of no known cause -- have a PFO.

Blood flow through a PFO increases when a person strains, such as bearing down during a bowel movement or breathing out with the mouth closed and nostrils pinched shut.

It also happens during sex, particularly during orgasm, says Brett L. Cucchiara, MD, director of the Penn Stroke Center at the University of Pennsylvania. Cucchiara was not involved in the Biller report, but studied two cases of sex-related stroke in 2006.

"In one of the cases we presented, it is a little embarrassing, one woman had stroke onset coincident with orgasm and having this sort of spontaneous guttural utterance or moan," Cucchiara tells WebMD.

But just having a PFO isn't enough to cause a stroke. A person also must have a blood clot, and that blood clot must break loose and enter the heart just in time to be sucked through the PFO during sex.

Normally a small blood clot would simply get stuck in the lungs and dissolve. But a blood clot that passes through a PFO can lodge in the brain and cause a stroke.

Biller's team did indeed find that their patient had a small blood clot in her leg, probably as a side effect of the oral contraceptives she used for birth control.

"This is a rare occurrence," Biller stresses.

"The vast, vast, vast majority of people with PFOs go through life and never have any problems," Cucchiara says. "You have to keep this risk of stroke during sex in perspective. The risk is very low.

"If you develop sudden neurological symptoms during sex, it could be a stroke and you need to seek help urgently and go to the emergency room," Cucchiara says.

"But you should not spend a lot of time worrying about this. Even if you have a PFO, of all the things to worr about in life, this ranks near the bottom in risk."

There are devices available for closing PFOs. But Biller and Cucchiara both note that doctors currently don't recommend this procedure -- even for most people who have already suffered a stroke.

That recommendation didn't convince Biller's young patient.

"She was scared to death, and she and her boyfriend and family were pushing us very hard to close the defect, so that is what we did," Biller says. "So she had the device implanted to close the PFO."

Biller's report appears in the September issue of the Journal of Stroke
and Cerebrovascular Diseases.

Installing A Husband

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
• Romance 9.5 and
• Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

• Please note I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
• If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
• Please note Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

Thank you!

I've had over 10,000 hits ...

09/11/2001

~ from Photobucket

WTF? Where's the Force?

I'm thinkin The Dark Side is just totally awesome!


see more puppies

That's insulting!

My niece, who knows me very well, gave me a calendar last year called, “An Insult a Day.” It’s one of my favorite calendars, ever! Here’s a few of the best from January through today:



The last bit of methane left in the intestine of the dead cow that is post-modernism.
~ critic Robert Hughes on Jeff Koon’s “Jeff in the Position of Adam” *

Men are such idiots, and I married their king.
~ Peg Bundy (Married With Children)


You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!
~ Lewis Carroll

California has the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites. The reason? New Jersey got first choice!
~ Joan Rivers

He’s got two brain cells: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
~ anonymous

Do you want me to accept you as you are – or do you want me to like you?
~ anonymous

Hunched in its ravine, it is a hard-bitten, proletarian town, populated by immigrants … from beyond the Carpathian mountains. Bingo parlors abound, as do establishments dealing in prosthetics.
~ journalist Peter Conrad about Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in The Observer Review of London

She was a professional athlete – of the tongue.
~ Aldous Huxley

He who joyfully marches to music in rand and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since, for him, the spinal cord would fully suffice.
~ Albert Einstein

She truly has the soul of a moth and the brain of a dead trout.
~ Scott Sandler, friend of actor James Woods, on Wood’s ex-girlfriend

Converse with any plankton lately?
~ anonymous


You look like a haggis with pointed toes. A tight old bladder skin holding together some rotting offal.
~ Saffron, to her mother after a Botox treatment on Absolutely Fabulous

Who among us has not gazed thoughtfully and patiently at a painting by Jackson Pollock and thought, “What a piece of crap”? *
~ critic Rob Long 1992


What she lacks in tact, she makes up for in being a complete moron.
~ political blogger John Amato



She gives lunatics a bad name.
~ Billy Crystal about Courtney Love

Do they ever shut up on your planet?
~ anonymous

She’s uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.
~ Southern expression

* In "Dust Bunny" world, I'm an artist. In the real world, I'm a Nickelback fan so I really hate pompous needle-dick critics but a good insult is a good insult. That's the way I roll.

Mary's got goodies!

This has nothing to do with Mary but it made me laugh. Gods! I love those damn lolcats!

more cat pictures

LOL!

more cat pictures

WANT!

If y'all don't know by this time, I have a dark side. I love horror and have a particular passion for skeletons and skulls. This dildo is just calling my name. Actually it's probably whispering in a creepy voice. Don't you just love it! Always Aroused Girl did a review of it for Jane's Guide. The minute I saw it's bony little self, I have lusted for it. Wish me luck at my sales at Swingfest because if I turn a profit, this little darling will be mine!