Saturday, September 28, 2013

Things I can't un-see and things I can't un-know. Thanks, internet!

 First off, let me tell y’all how knock down happy I was to see that one of my all-time favorite bloggers commented on my Miley Cyrus post.  Spiky Zora Jones!!!  I love this woman!  She is an amazing writer and just a damn fine human being.  I’m hoping she will start writing again.  Spiky, you made my day by posting a comment and gave me inspiration for this post! 

 As I’ve mentioned before, I love to read and I love to learn new things.  I don’t want to stagnate me by not embracing technology or by sticking with what’s safe.  Learning new techniques for crafting, cooking (even though I HATE cooking), sewing, etc. keeps me excited and fresh.  The internet is a cornucopia of information, that’s a great thing, right? I can find articles and/or videos on a huge assortment of topics.  Reading others blogs is also a way to keep up to date on trends.  Seriously, I can watch videos of bot flies being hatched from someone’s skin, read about the “god particle”, look at an amateur photographers awesome pictures and then laugh at photos of captioned animals, read that Bank of America is as skeevy and ruthless as I thought  – all in about 30 minutes!  Technology is BRILLIANT! However, no good deed (or thing) goes unpunished.  Because of the internet, I know things that I never wanted to know.  Seen things I never needed to see, such as Miley Cyrus’s tongue – over and over and over.  I could have lived my life very happily without ever hearing the name Miley Cyrus.  I would have been infinitely happier had I never seen her ever present tongue. From Millan.Net

Because of the internet, I know all the Kardashians names and what they look like.  I know who Miley Cyrus is. I’ve seen what two girls do with a cup. I know the words to “Call Me Maybe”, seen the definition of “goetze”. Watched a tattooed penis go from larva to full grown “butterfly”, know who Honey Boo Boo and Mama June are.  The internet is a bottomless pit of muck and useless information that is IN YOUR FACE simply because you turn on your computer, tablet or telephone.
Spiky questioned as to why Miley was taking all the heat from me and none was given to Robin Thicke.  Well, to be honest, I didn’t realize she had a partner in crime until I heard it on the TV news. Can you even imagine Walter Cronkite reporting on this!?! Of course, I “googled” Mr. Thicke. Did y’all know he had the #1 song of the summer? I don’t know what it is but he had it.  AND … Alan Thicke is his father! Robin Thicke obviously isn’t as “out there” as either Miley or any of the Kardashians.  I didn’t watch the VMA’s.

 I don’t watch the Kardashian show(s), nor do I watch the show with that horrid Boo Boo child.  I know about these people because it and/or they are plastered on the web 24/7 for weeks!  I could have lived for 100 more years without ever hearing about or seeing Kanye West after the Taylor Swift thing. (I don’t listen to either’s music but I know who they are!) But then he goes and knocks-up Kim Kardashian (she has such exquisite taste in men, doesn’t she?) it was ALL-KANYE-ALL-KIM-ALL-THE-TIME!  You’da thunk the woman was going to birth the new Messiah.   

The internet isn’t just dumbing down America, it’s dumbing down the world!  Okay, Okay!  That’s extreme but it could happen if the entire world was as obsessed as we are with celebrity.  Didja know that if you ask little kids nowadays what they want to be when they grow up, the main answer is, “Famous!”  Not an astronaut, cowboy, ballerina, doctor or teacher.  They want to be famous. Hopefully parents will teach them the difference between famous and infamous.    Separate the wheat from the chaff.  In the future, I’ll try to bash everyone who participates is shockingly miserable performances equally but since I refuse to fill my already taxed brain with more utterly useless information, I’ll still continue to only do superficial and visual research.  Sorry, Spiky!  

From Millan.NetPS. (I'm alive!  I made it. Well, so far!) 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Fear and loathing by this Virgo

 I’m pretty sure that everybody has had an episode in their early life that has affected them in a way that will endure until they pass onto the next world.

Some have had positive experiences that they will gladly tell you about in reverent tones.  Others have had something horrible happen to them and they won’t discuss it with anyone.  Then there are those who’s life-altering experience is terrible, they won’t talk about it until the time comes when they can no longer remain silent.  When these poor folks tell you what they’ve been living with for years upon years, your reaction is, “Holy Crap! You’re goofier than a box of rocks!”

My dear readers, I fall into that third category.  Since you already know, because I’ve repeatedly told you, I’m a few flowers short of a bouquet; you’ll refrain from the “box of rocks” comments.

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On December 5, 1960, my father died.  It was his 60th birthday.  He. Died. On. His. BIRTHDAY!  I’m sure it was a miserable, horrible surprise (a massive heart attack at work) for him but it left an indelible mark on me, his daughter.  For 53 years, I’ve lived with the absolute terror of my 60th birthday.  I know that my fear is irrational.  My fear of clowns is also irrational but it’s there and no matter what I tell myself, clowns still make me pee my knickers a little every time I see one.

For a long time, it was just a vague thought that would swirl around in my brain.  I wasn’t too worried because I was only 19, 27, 34, 47, but now that my 60th birthday is smack dab in front of me, I am crazier than usual.  My family and friends are constantly “pooh-poohing” me when I bring it up (which is daily since January) but I think they are secretly scared shitless. The lunacy of an already on-the-edge-post-menopausal-white-woman could be epic.  I’ve requested no cards, no gifts, no cake, and no mention of my birthday at all.  I’ve told them this isn’t a ploy – PLEASE, do not do one thing to mark the occasion.  I am, excuse the pun, deadly serious. I’ve made an attempt to get all my ducks in a row, just in case, but per usual there are a bunch of stragglers wandering hither and yon.  I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about them ‘cause should the worst happen, I’ll be far from caring.

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So, there you have it.  My deepest, totally wacko, life-changing event.  You can now feel relieved that you aren’t the most insane person you know.  Hopefully, I’ve made you happier about your own irrational fear.  I’ll be awake from 11:59 pm September 21 through 12:01 am September 23.  Why tempt fate?  If you see me online, please just say, “Hi!” ... Birthday wishes will not be accepted. 

 From Millan.Net