Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Think you're smart? Think again.

No matter how prepared (or smart) you think you are to talk to your children about sex, sexuality, love, puberty, etc. They’ll always throw you a curve ball at one time or another.

When my daughter was about eight years old, we were watching the movie, “Carrie.” During the shower scene when Carrie gets her first menstrual period and the other girls are throwing tampons and pads at her, my daughter wanted to know what was “wrong” with Carrie.

I was prepared to discuss this topic and launched into the – How, What, Where, possibly When and Why girls have their “period.” The pearls of wisdom spilled from my mouth for about 15 minutes. All the while my daughter sat silently looking at me with what I thought was total enthrallment at my words. I was thorough and detailed. When I finished, I asked her if she had any questions. She did. Her question was, “What’s for dinner?”

Apparently, I’d totally over estimated the quantity of information imparted. Timing and evaluation of the moment is essential for passing along your learning to your child.

My son is a man of few words. Usually when he does talk, it’s to say something profoundly funny, wise or stupid. I spoke with him about sex, just as I spoke to my daughter. His father also talked to him about things that I preferred come from a man. “Morning Wood” was one of the topics I left to my husband.

At around the age of 15, my son began wearing boxer shorts. I gave him the lecture about scrotal support, to no avail. The boy likes boxers. He is modest by nature but had no qualms about walking around the house in his boxers. Tighty whiteys didn’t give him the same sense of “freedom.”

After about a week of him coming into the kitchen at attention every morning, casually scratching some itchy parts (once boys find their penis at about the age of 31 minutes old, it becomes their BFF), I mentioned the possibility of me, his mother, witnessing the escape of his pride and joy during this morning ritual. I further stated that perhaps he might want to make sure that his penis was in a more relaxed state and behind some shorts prior to his appearance in the kitchen. The method behind my madness was that I'd embarrass him into not appearing before me in all his "glory."

My son yawned, continued to scratch and looked me dead in the eye as he told me, “Some call it “The Stairway to Heaven!” Smiling, he removed himself and his skyward pointing junk from the room. I was left open-mouthed and blank brained.

Be prepared for the occasional non sequitur and brain exploding possibilities when talking to your teen-aged child. Keep sharp objects out of your hands, as well.

Join me and these other Sexy Mom's ~

Christen Clifford
Always Aroused Girl
A Dust Bunny In The Wind
Lesbian Mommy
Domestic Anarchy

Friday, May 15, 2009

On becoming a crone ...

I was one of the lucky women who didn’t experience horrible menstrual cramps or raging PMS. Now, Mulder and my children might disagree on the PMS thing but, this is my story and their input has not been requested.

Nature is of course a woman and therefore a bitch. Going from the “mother to crone” part, she decided that since my “maiden/mother” part was so easy, she was going to kick my ass with the becoming a crone part. I began to have hot flashes and the ever delightful, night sweats in my early 40’s.
My hormones (I assume) were in constant battle. If the government drafted menopausal women to fight wars, we’d win hands down. I was angry, mad, happy, sad, homicidal, hot, sweaty, weepy, busy, lazy. Basically, you name an emotion and I was experiencing it. Usually in rotation every 5 minutes. On top of all this, I still got my period EVERY FUCKING MONTH until I turned 50. Then it stopped. Just like that. Like someone turned off the faucet.

Some women face menopause with dread and a deep sense of loss. They feel they’ve lost their purpose because they can’t reproduce. They are afraid of hair growing in weird places, drying skin, drying hair, wrinkles and a hundred other things. Not me.

I discover after about 6 months of officially being post-menopausal I truly felt liberated. I refused to take HRT so I use and still do natural supplements. They work fairly well and IMO are safer. There are amazing face/body cleansers, toners and moisturizers for the dry skin and wrinkles. Surgery is an option. You know there’s great products for hair, too. I discovered I was more comfortable with my body. I never was a Playboy model and I realized I never would be and I couldn’t have cared less. My body is good, not perfect, but it’s soft, curvy and welcoming. And the best part, for me, was finding how sexual I was becoming.

Was it the freedom from birth control and knowing that I could never, ever have another child? I don’t know. I just know that my libido increased as well as my curiosity about sex and all things sexual. I purchased my very first vibrator at the age of 50 ½. That “Rabbit” is well-used and has been joined with a whole batch of sister vibrators, dildos, eggs, butt plugs – you name it, I’ve probably got it! I want to try new positions, spanking, some bondage. I found I enjoy sex much more and in turn have it more.

My hot flashes and night sweats are diminishing. I still have those moments of irrational anger and weepiness but I chalk them up to “Phantom PMS.” I never once was sad about becoming a crone. I have to be glad that Mother Nature decided that since she made me suffer for so many years in peri-menopause that she cut me some slack when it was over and made me way too sexy. THAT’S a really, really good thing! Right? Isn't the saying, "You never can get too much of a good thing!"

Join me and these other Sexy Mom's ~

Babeland Blog
Mommy Mandy
Christen Clifford
Always Aroused Girl
A Dust Bunny In The Wind
Lesbian Mommy
Domestic Anarchy

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Mother's Day and a Review

Since I’m a blogger of a certain age, I don’t like to “mommy blog.” However, it being near Mother’s Day, I thought I’d give y’all something to read about having older children. No “potty or puke” talk here, SEX is my topic!

My mother was born in 1908. Me in 1953. For a woman that had four husbands and numerous boyfriends, you’d think my mother would have been all over the sex talk thing. You’d have thought wrong. She never once mentioned sex, Penises, vaginas or how babies are made. She actually bestowed this gem on me on the night before my wedding: “Use the Margaret Sanger method to prevent getting pregnant.” WTF? I’d been on birth control pills for three years. Who the hell was Margaret Sanger? If my BFF’s mother wasn’t as open as a barn door and I wasn’t as curious as all get out, today I’d be Susan Boyle without the voice! When my daughter was dropped off by the stork in the cabbage patch, I knew that I’d right up front with her about sex, love, pregnancy and disease, among other things.

As she grew, I did what I believed were age appropriate sex talks with her. Books were read, pictures shown, etc. I took her for her first GYN exam and went with her when she filled the birth control pill prescription. I was a good post-sexual revolution mother. I felt confident that my daughter would make proper and informed choices. While talking openly and honestly about all that sex has to offer, you cannot know (even your own offspring’s) what goes on in their twisted teenage brain.

At 2:30 AM not long after her 17th birthday, my daughter woke me up to tell me “we had to talk.” If you think having “The Talk” with your children will be scary, them wanting to “Talk” to you is Hannibal Lecther scary! She told me she’d had sex for the first time a couple months ago and only now realized that the boy was “an asshole of the nth degree.” She cried about her “mistake.” She was bereft that the choice she’d made was so wrong.

At 2:45 AM on a hot, summer morning, I held my newly deflowered daughter while she sobbed. All my efforts in education seemed to have been for naught. I didn’t say anything while she cried, I just held her as I did when she was a baby. She needed comfort not criticism. I also realized that being a parent was like being a tenured professor – you didn’t stop teaching until you died.

Her tears were drying as I discovered that they had used condoms because she wanted to be safe from disease. She had enjoyed sex but didn’t think it was like, “in the movies.” She was terribly hurt that she “chose the wrong one for the first.” While I couldn’t change that, I did tell her she needed to go over the whole experience in her mind, take out the best parts to savor and to build on in the future. I told my daughter that even though her boyfriend had turned out to be an idiot, she had seen something in him that made her want him to be first. She needed to focus on that good point, not dwell on the bad ones. I compared her fledgling sexual experience to those of her taking her first steps as a baby. When she first started, she fell. She got bruised and bumped. Yes, she cried sometimes. But she didn’t give up. Now she s able to walk, run, skip, jump, climb, swim and dance. I said, learning about sex and making love was the same, after some false starts, you eventually learn the steps to a wonderful, exciting, mind-blowing dance.

My daughter told me recently that she's glad she had a supportive, understanding instructor while she was learning. She also mentioned how much she loves to "dance" now that she has the right partner.

Babeland definitely knew about my love of all things in the Leporidae family when they sent me this cute, knock-my-socks-off vibrator for Easter. He hides a powerful bullet vibe within his body and that cunning little nose waggled my clit and made me scream his praises in no time at all! Ramsey Rabbit is made of, "IntraMed (c) which is a Thermoplastic Elastomer-base material that has been formulated to give a silicone-like feel. It is non-porous, eco-friendly, phthalate-free material that can be sterilized and compatible with all lubricants." He feels firm yet silky. I liked his nose and back of his head pressed against me as the RO-80mm Bullet Vibe did it's incredible thing. His ears are a little too pointy and stiff for me and could end up actually hurting when really getting into the orgasm. Other than that, I've got no complaints at all with Ramsey. Cleaning him and the vibe were a breeze. He's a sweet, waterproof vibrator at and excellent price. I keep him right on my night table for easy reach.

Babeland is also running a discount of 10% on May 9 & 10, just enter SEXYMOMS at checkout. It might be after Easter but your mother might love Ramsey Rabbit or the Hello Kitty vibe!

I'm also proud to be part of the Babeland Sexy Moms Blog for 2009. I hope you'll go and check it out. Why not join yourselves? I know many very sexy moms come here and deserve a nice item from Babeland.