Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Mother's Day and a Review

Since I’m a blogger of a certain age, I don’t like to “mommy blog.” However, it being near Mother’s Day, I thought I’d give y’all something to read about having older children. No “potty or puke” talk here, SEX is my topic!

My mother was born in 1908. Me in 1953. For a woman that had four husbands and numerous boyfriends, you’d think my mother would have been all over the sex talk thing. You’d have thought wrong. She never once mentioned sex, Penises, vaginas or how babies are made. She actually bestowed this gem on me on the night before my wedding: “Use the Margaret Sanger method to prevent getting pregnant.” WTF? I’d been on birth control pills for three years. Who the hell was Margaret Sanger? If my BFF’s mother wasn’t as open as a barn door and I wasn’t as curious as all get out, today I’d be Susan Boyle without the voice! When my daughter was dropped off by the stork in the cabbage patch, I knew that I’d right up front with her about sex, love, pregnancy and disease, among other things.

As she grew, I did what I believed were age appropriate sex talks with her. Books were read, pictures shown, etc. I took her for her first GYN exam and went with her when she filled the birth control pill prescription. I was a good post-sexual revolution mother. I felt confident that my daughter would make proper and informed choices. While talking openly and honestly about all that sex has to offer, you cannot know (even your own offspring’s) what goes on in their twisted teenage brain.

At 2:30 AM not long after her 17th birthday, my daughter woke me up to tell me “we had to talk.” If you think having “The Talk” with your children will be scary, them wanting to “Talk” to you is Hannibal Lecther scary! She told me she’d had sex for the first time a couple months ago and only now realized that the boy was “an asshole of the nth degree.” She cried about her “mistake.” She was bereft that the choice she’d made was so wrong.

At 2:45 AM on a hot, summer morning, I held my newly deflowered daughter while she sobbed. All my efforts in education seemed to have been for naught. I didn’t say anything while she cried, I just held her as I did when she was a baby. She needed comfort not criticism. I also realized that being a parent was like being a tenured professor – you didn’t stop teaching until you died.

Her tears were drying as I discovered that they had used condoms because she wanted to be safe from disease. She had enjoyed sex but didn’t think it was like, “in the movies.” She was terribly hurt that she “chose the wrong one for the first.” While I couldn’t change that, I did tell her she needed to go over the whole experience in her mind, take out the best parts to savor and to build on in the future. I told my daughter that even though her boyfriend had turned out to be an idiot, she had seen something in him that made her want him to be first. She needed to focus on that good point, not dwell on the bad ones. I compared her fledgling sexual experience to those of her taking her first steps as a baby. When she first started, she fell. She got bruised and bumped. Yes, she cried sometimes. But she didn’t give up. Now she s able to walk, run, skip, jump, climb, swim and dance. I said, learning about sex and making love was the same, after some false starts, you eventually learn the steps to a wonderful, exciting, mind-blowing dance.

My daughter told me recently that she's glad she had a supportive, understanding instructor while she was learning. She also mentioned how much she loves to "dance" now that she has the right partner.

Babeland definitely knew about my love of all things in the Leporidae family when they sent me this cute, knock-my-socks-off vibrator for Easter. He hides a powerful bullet vibe within his body and that cunning little nose waggled my clit and made me scream his praises in no time at all! Ramsey Rabbit is made of, "IntraMed (c) which is a Thermoplastic Elastomer-base material that has been formulated to give a silicone-like feel. It is non-porous, eco-friendly, phthalate-free material that can be sterilized and compatible with all lubricants." He feels firm yet silky. I liked his nose and back of his head pressed against me as the RO-80mm Bullet Vibe did it's incredible thing. His ears are a little too pointy and stiff for me and could end up actually hurting when really getting into the orgasm. Other than that, I've got no complaints at all with Ramsey. Cleaning him and the vibe were a breeze. He's a sweet, waterproof vibrator at and excellent price. I keep him right on my night table for easy reach.

Babeland is also running a discount of 10% on May 9 & 10, just enter SEXYMOMS at checkout. It might be after Easter but your mother might love Ramsey Rabbit or the Hello Kitty vibe!

I'm also proud to be part of the Babeland Sexy Moms Blog for 2009. I hope you'll go and check it out. Why not join yourselves? I know many very sexy moms come here and deserve a nice item from Babeland.

18 blew out from under the bed:

Frequent Traveler said...

You were a really good Mom, Nitebyrd - and in my humble opinion, have handles things exactly right with her all the way through.
It is anything but easy to be a parent - actually probably one of the hardest things ever - and I wish I'd had one like you !

Fat Controller said...

You're clearly an exceptional mother. There are times when you can dispense practical advive and other times when you just need to be there for them.

Anonymous said...

I am starting to have these talks with my daughter as well.

You are a good Mom Nitebyrd!

nitebyrd said...

Annie ~ My mother was 45 when I was born, my half-sister was 20. I was like an after thought. She actually thought I was a tumor when she was pregnant. My mother was out of touch and became very bitter after the death of my father. I knew I didn't want to be a mother like her. I wish kids came with an instruction booklet! Thanks!

Fat Controller ~ Thank you. Being a parent is like being on a game show where they keep changing the rules. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I always try to handle things the way I would have like them handled when I was young. You and Heather seem to have done a fine job!

Flyinfox ~ Oh! Lucky you! My daughter was more vocal and interested than my son. I'll have some horrifyingly funny stories about him this month. This: http://www.amazon.com/Womans-Body-Owners-Manual-Wordsworth/dp/0809226189 is an excellent book to use.

Akelamalu said...

You are a great Mum. I was given an encylopedia to read, marked at the page where it described conception and that was when my mother was pregnant with my youngest brother - I was 10. Everything else I learned from girl talk at school. I never had a daughter but if I had I was determined to do as you did. I at least was able to talk to my two sons quite frankly but I think they preferred talking to their Dad.

Ron said...

What a touching post, Nitebyrd!

Loved the photos you've chosen to tell the story!

What a wonderful mom you are. As I was reading the words that you spoke to your daughter, I was thinking, "Yes! Yes!...she's absolutely right."

Even though I'm not a parent, I know it has to be challenging at times, because there's a point you must get to in guiding your children, and then allowing them to choose for themselves. And then supporting them in whatever choice they made.

Sounds like you have a wonderful open relationship with your children. Not many people can say that!

Hey...and I LOVED reading about Ramsey Rabbit! What a cute little STUD muffin!


Anonymous said...

Nitebyrd you have been tagged for a sexy blogger award (see my little patch for details hon).

CrystalChick said...

Awesome story. Thanks for sharing it. My Mom was also older when she had me, about 40, and 43 with my sis. I don't ever remember talking to me about anything sexual. I had Health class in school for that. LOL

The toy sounds interesting. ;)

Have a great weekend!!!

Fire Byrd said...

Having had sons with 5 yrs between them it made for interesting mealtimes when the youngest would enquire .... what's a blow job, whilst we his brother just curled up with embaresment!
Sounds like your one cool mum with a daughter to match.

Chris King said...

I got a chocolate egg for Easter. I ate it with my mouth!!

Jackie Adshead said...

Your daughters a lucky girl to have a mum like you - supportive, informative, loving and caring, and knowing when to listen as well as when to talk.

rage said...

This was an excellent read nytebyrd...thank you so much for sharing intimate details about yourself.

Happy Mother's Day...

Indi said...

My mum gave me a booklet to scan my eyes over. I didn't ask any questions as I felt totally embarassed about the whole ordeal. My mum's mother dressed and fed the 4 children but apparently never showed a great deal of effection to them. I guess that's kinda handed down the generations, although I do know my mum did her best, she did love me n my brother, and still does. Love comes in varying degrees I guess.You have obviously done a wonderful job 'Mom'... well done, you should feel very proud of yourself. Yes learning never stops, teaching never stops either, we all learn from our mistakes, that's what makes us stronger, better people, not that I or my mother or Grandmother were.. are bad people. Love rules the world, doesn't it?

Moon~ said...

good morning dear--
I can attest to the fact you are an awesome MOM, I have met your kids. :D My daughters I am sure will be fine..that son of mine...welll LOL
know you are loved and as always thanks for the awesome read :D
love ya!!1

Autumn said...

that was so beautiful to read nitebyrd. really lovely. your daughter is a lucky/blessed woman to have you for a mother. it's wonderful that she was able to speak openly with you that way. awww. so nice to read.

btw...i fucking LOVE your new layout. very nice. :)

rht said...

I so applaud you for talking and listening to your daughter! You are an amazing lady! I too talk to my daughters. I've learned a lot from them and they've learned that sex is not a bad thing (from me). My oldest has already had her first sexual experience. She was very careful (thank the gods)and used protection. Like your daughter, she came to me asking to talk. When I found out what happened, I think we both cried. My baby is no longer a baby...she's a woman. It's nice to see the young adult she's turned out to be. :)

Happy Belated Mom's day Nitebyrd

Riff Dog said...

What a sweet, sweet story with your daughter! This world would be a whole lot better place if more daughters could come to their mothers like yours did with you.

This isn't just a testament to how you handled that night (morning,) by the way. It's a testament to all the years leading up to that point that made her feel she could have this talk with you. You handled that night perfectly. But it sounds like you did pretty darn well before that too.

nitebyrd said...

Rosie ~ Thank you for the award. I’m totally amazed that two bloggers find me “sexy!” I’ll be posting it next week.

CrystalChick ~ I remember “Health Class”, too. Taught by my very uncomfortable, lesbian gym teacher. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, her or us. LOL Ramsey Rabbit is fun and a pretty good vibrator. Wait till you see the one I have coming up!

Fire Byrd ~ Oh! I would have LOVED to be there for that conversation! LMAO. Thank you, my friend.

Chopper ~ Did your mouth enjoy it? ;)

Jackie ~ Thank you, hun. I’m pretty lucky to have a daughter like mine. Although, I didn’t always think so. She was an odd child.

Rage ~ Thank you. Wait ‘till I get to the crazy details. They’re so much more fun!

Indigo ~ My mother was a bitch on wheels. She personified WASP behavior and that stoic persona. I had a ghostly mother (my real mother) and a substitute mother, my sister. I really, really needed a father! Love does rule and overcomes a way dysfunctional upbringing.

Thunderstruck ~ Thank you. I think you’re pretty damn awesome yourself.
Sons will be the death of all of us. I’m hoping to see you for the graduation party.

Autumn ~ I definitely wanted both my kids to be able to ask questions and I always gave honest answers. Sometimes graded on the curve but always honest.

Rht ~ You must be damn amazing yourself because your daughter wanted to share with you! It’s tough when they grow up ‘cause you start thinking about all the shit you did and seriously don’t want them to do the same thing. They will though, that’s a fact.

Riff ~ Thanks! Nice of you to say that. Part of it is realizing your child is an actual person. They’ll do stupid and brilliant things. They need to learn by mistake but don’t need to be beaten up. It’s hard to balance. Parents that think their kids are the next best thing are usually wrong. I know whence my kids came and there aren’t any Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking or Donald Trumps on either side of the family. I did want my kids to be the best they could be but they are no better than anyone and needed to know that life wasn’t perfect.

Somehow, I've missed my "bro" Ron and the lovely Akelamalu ~ Thank you both!