Tuesday, December 29, 2009

TMI Tuesday



1. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2009?

A negative 27

2. What are your favorite/naughtiest/sexiest/most fun 2009 memories?

My daughter was 3 years cancer free. Seeing an old friend and
meeting Ron in Chicago.

3. What’s the one thing you thought you would never do, but did in 2009?

File bankruptcy.

4. What do you want to change in 2009?

Many things. However, I think I’ll be changing more in 2010!

5. What is your all-time favorite gift (whether given or received by you)?

Diamond earrings from Mulder. Chocolate from Art. My favorite gifts to give or receive don’t have to be expensive, they just have to show that thought was put into the gift. Whatever the gift, it’s what it tells the recipient – you care about them.

Bonus (as in optional): On special holidays- like birthdays, anniversaries, ringing in the New Year -are you more inclined to do a sex act that you wouldn't "normally" do? (things like fellatio/cunnilingus, anal sex, strap-ons/toys, videoing yourself/pictures, menage-a-trois/quatres, etc.)

No. I’m game for most anything most anytime. I just need the
right person to be with me.

Go see who else is giving TMI today!


I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Rambling and stuff ...


From A Dust Bunny In The Wind



My son and his friend call Tim Tebow, the quarterback for the Florida Gators – Little Baby Jesus.
For some odd reason, I find that one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.


Women, please tell me why the fuck you send your clueless husband and sugar-high children to the grocery store? He has no idea what you want so he’s on the cell phone with you while the little bastards children wreak havoc in the aisles. Is this saving you any time? No, you just want to punish us people without Satan’s spawn kids, don’t you? Bitches! While I’m on that topic, old women, why do you bring your old fart husbands with you? I realize you’re on a “fixed income” (Who the hell isn’t?) but will the .25 difference in price between store brand and name brand Shredded Wheat that you are discussing like it was a cure for cancer in the middle of the damn aisle with your cart, push you over the edge into destitution? Will it?


Does the fact that Tiger Woods can’t keep his dick from sinking putts in every female hole he encounters really affect his golfing ability? Does anyone really care?

One of my absolute favorite things to do is give an amazing blow-job. I do them very, very well.
Thankyouverymuch!

A woman I work with laughs CONSTANTLY. Even while she is talking. Nothing is that fucking funny and she gets on my last nerve.

Sometimes doing something nice, just because, gets you a little kiss from Karma. I made those Rolo Pretzels and brought some to the women in the shop that does my facials. They were a big hit and I got a free pedicure. Sweet!

Art said something that makes a whole lot of sense. He’s not religious, he’s spiritual.  Art also gave me some fabulous chocolate from a local candy maker for Christmas.  Can you guess what I gave him? 


I have finally succumbed to the "Twilight" mania. I bought "Twilight" and "New Moon" books. (Just to keep things in perspective, I also finally got Rachel Green's "An Ungodly Child" which I've wanted forever!) Now, I adore a good vampire story but I was resistant about this whole "Twilight" thing because of the hype and because of teenagers. I haven't seen the movies and may not because that Robert Pattinson guy just isn't my idea of sexy.  Brad Pitt, now HE'S a sexy vampire.

Is anybody else just skeeved out by those PSA commercials with some random male TV stars telling you to get your wife, girlfriend, etc. a PAP smear for Christmas or Hanukkah? Seriously, WTF?


Guess what? Tonic water with lime and gin makes me want to dance! At my office Christmas party, I danced like no one was watching. Just between us, I looked FABULOUS! (I love me some Spanx!) The DJ wanted to dance with me and when I said I was hot, as in hot from dancing, one of my co-workers (young) husband said, "Yes, you are!" He meant I was, "HOT!" It made me feel so good, I had another gin and tonic.

I'll be back on Thursday for the Three Wishes HNT.  Right now I only have one thought out. Guess I'd better get my ass in gear for the other two!

Oh! FETLIFE is have one helluva giveaway.  Go visit.  NOW!

THESE are hysterical!

Friday, December 11, 2009

ASM Treat Exchange




Another Suburban Mom is doing a blogger holiday recipe exchange so me being so well versed in the kitchen, I figured I’d join in.

This is a fun, easy candy recipe that only uses three things – none of which you actually have to measure!  You can make as many or as few as you want but I suggest making plenty because people seem to love ‘em.



Rollo Pretzel Turtles

1 bag of Rollo candies  (These are chocolate covered caramel candies)  The bag has about 50 or so pieces.

1 bag of tiny pretzel twists or Snyder “Snaps” (These are small square pretzels)

Pecan or Walnut halves – one for as many “turtles” you are making

Place the pretzels on a baking sheet and top each one with a Rollo candy.  Bake in a 250 degree oven for 1-2 minutes or until the candy just starts to melt.  Take them out, squash a nut half on top of each.  Let the cool and harden and you’re ready for some sweet/salty goodness!



Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Blogger Holiday Spirit



The sexy, wonderful Amorous Rocker is doing a fund raiser over at her place. Hit her up, it's for a good cause and it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy!

Thanks!

Friday, December 4, 2009

So cute, you'll gag!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Toy Review!






I came home from work the other day generally pissy and grouchy.  Not that this is unusual.  This day however, there was a package waiting for me from the wonderful Babeland.  They sent me the most adorable vibrator!   It perked me right up and just looking at it, made me smile.  The I Rub My Duckie Holiday Ornament is just so freakin’ cute, you’ll squeal even before you try him!




Since I own a full sized I Rub My Duckie Bondage Duck, I decided I’d give this little guy away to the first reader that sends me an email.  He comes in his own clear plastic ornament.  You can hang him on the tree and no one will know what you’re going to do later.  How cool is that?

Personally, I need something more along the Hitachi line to really get off but the I Rub My Duckie vibes are fun for warming up in the bath or shower because they’re waterproof.  The bends and curves of the duck’s head, breast and tail give a variety of angles for clitoral and labial stimulation.  The vibrations are powerful enough to “get the party started” or for some nice coming down, soothing vibrations after you’ve had an orgasm (s).   The cute factor is also a plus; I Rub My Duckie is unique and can get a vibrator novice over the first hump, so to speak. I definitely like how well he fits in my hand.  Being waterproof, the duck is easy to clean, lube friendly and definitely able to go where others can’t.  Having your little Santa Duckie sitting on the edge of the bathtub won’t shock guests like a huge penis shaped vibrator or dildo would.  I Rub My Duckie Santa Travel Vibrator is decorative AND useful!  With the economy being what it is, it’s nice to get something that can multi-task.

I Rub My Duckie is made of PVC.  The duck itself is approximately 3 ¼” x 3”.  He uses one AAA battery.  The package says the battery isn’t included but Babeland says it is, so I don’t know for sure.  I do know since its Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, etc.  You’ll have batteries in the house if you don’t already.

Babeland is running all kinds of holiday specials – go visit them!  They made my day with I Rub My Duckie, I’m willing to bet Babeland has something that will make yours!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Yeah, I know ...






 We have Muscovy ducks in Florida.  They are not pretty ducks like Mallard.  They’re ugly and dirty.  Neanderthal ducks, they eat, shit and mate.  That’s it.  The male duck will pin the head of the female duck down while they mate.  Since this happens all the time and the ducks have no sense of decency, this is something that is seen almost daily.

Many years ago, I was driving my daughter to school.  It was a rainy day so lots of puddles were around.  Off on the side of the road, I noticed a pair of ducks mating.  The male had the female’s head pinned down in a large puddle.  He was oblivious to the fact that she was drowning.  He just banged away.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t break the pair up to save the female as they were on the opposite side of the road.  After I dropped my daughter off at school and was going back, I passed the body of the female lying in the puddle, dead.  The male had gone off to eat and shit, I guess. 

The image has stayed with me all these years and it’s often I think of it as a metaphor for life.  Life will pull you under until you feel you’re suffocating, fuck you over and just when you think something great will happen, you die. 


Yeah, I know.  I need help. 

However, being an optimistic pessimist, I was watching a herd of squirrels at my house yesterday.  The babies were out with the adults and all hell was breaking loose.  They were playing, fighting, eating, pooping and fucking like rabbits.  All the while, they were chattering and just seemed to be having the time of their lives.  They made me smile.


Just like I’d rather be the hammer than the nail, I’d rather live life like a squirrel than a Muscovy duck.  I’m fighting the rising tide, dear readers.  I’m fighting.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Chicago! And Give-A-Way


Taking a trip to Chicago was a nice break for me. Hell is full and Florida must be in the running to house the overflow because it’s been so freakin’ hot here, the birds are flying back north for the winter! When I found out it was 41 degrees in The Windy City (5 Celsius) I was so excited. I was gonna be cold and see some real trees with fall leaves!!! We have trees in Florida but they aren’t “real” trees, they’re palm trees, some mutant pines called – Australian Pines (which I never saw in Australia, by the way) and some wretched excuses for oak trees. Pathetic foliage in The Sunshine State, if you ask me. Kudzu and Florida Holly (HA!) seem to grow with abandon as does the fabulous St. Augustine grass or as everyone else knows it, CRAB GRASS!



Oh, shit! I’ve lost the thread, haven’t I? Back to my trip to Chicago. It was blissfully cool, not quite cold, but cool. I could shower and walk from the bath to the bedroom without sweating like a Sumo wrestler. I got to wear jeans with boots and an actual sweater as Ron escorted me around the city and I was actually comfortable!


The city of Chicago reminds me of New York City but ratcheted down a couple levels. Not as crazy as NYC but close. I spend some time people watching on the corner of State Street and Randolph while Ron was taking care of some business. (He didn’t just leave me on the corner; I chose to be outside near Borders and a lovely teashop.) I was amused by the brazenness of the city pigeons and bike messengers. Both seem to have death wishes. Although, I pondered the possibility of breeding a pigeon to a bike messenger and coming up with the fastest, most insane (and ugly!) creature on earth.


The Chicago theatre district was cool. My tour guide(s) were excellent at pointing out landmarks and things of interest. I ate a bagel in the Thompson Center where scenes from the movie “Running Scared” were filmed. (Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines – hysterically funny!) The Navy Pier, of course is a “must see” but as I was told, it’s much busier and more exciting during the summer. I can understand that. Inside was a fantastic stained glass exhibit and outside on the lake, there was a very cool ship sailing by as you can see. From the Pier, you can look across Lake Michigan to Gary, Indiana. WOW! The weather was beautiful for the most part. I got to see plenty of trees getting dressed in their autumn finery during our walk near Northwestern University. My, my, some of those college guys looked good enough to eat with a spoon. Yummy!




Not only did I see Ron on this trip but I got to see an old friend from the Nickelback message boards that I’d seen a couple years ago. Wild and her daughter, Wilder came to have lunch and chat. Wild is younger than me and DAMN! Is she GORGEOUS! She looks even better than when we met in Florida. She is a good, funny, friend who happens to be an incredible writer. Her poems, to me, are legendary. Ages ago, she wrote a poem that was so damn erotic, I was embarrassed when I was all squirmy and aroused at the end finding out she was writing about a fucking DONUT! Neither of us saved the poem and I’ll be eternally pissed off about that. Oops! I’m off in the weeds again, sorry. Srsly, she is a great writer, I just wish she’d do it more often.

Wild, Wilder and I had a nice lunch and chat. Wilder is a teenager so she texted most of the time but is a really nice and very funny kid. It was really wonderful to see Wild again. I’m going to say it again; Nickelback fans are the absolute best people – EVER!

All in all, I had an absolutely wonderful trip. I couldn’t have asked for better people to see Chicago with and to have a needed holiday with. It was relaxing, exciting, fun and peaceful – at the same time. I’m glad I went.
Thank you, Ron and Wild. Love you both!  MmmmmmWAH!

*******************




My “Better Late Than Never” Breast Cancer Awareness Give-a-way!

I’m going to run this until December 1, 2009. I’m posting it here (Shhh! My blog is secret) on Facebook and on Twisted Pleasures.

Leave a comment. That’s all you have to do. One comment, one entry. If you want to get three (3) additional entries, donate $5.00 to my daughter’s team for the South Florida Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure to be held January 30, 2010.

I’ll put all the comments from all three locations into a random draw at Random.org and let the winner know by an announcement on each location.

Here’s what you get:

A “placemat” purse made by ME! This is a Ralph Lauren placemat made into a purse. It’s lined in a soft green with two slip pockets inside. Oxidized silver handles with a rose quartz breast cancer ribbon charm as the closure. The purse is approximately 13” x 7.5” x 4”. Handle drop is approximately 14.25”.  Recycle in style, baby!

Four handmade glycerin Victorian rose heart soapies. They each measure 2 x 2 x 1/2 approximately. These soaps are made of pure vegetable glycerin soap and enriched with Aloe and Vitamin E. The scents and colorants I use are skin safe as well. Lavender scent. From Agony’s Decay at Etsy.

A 6 oz 100% SOY, TRIPLE SCENTED, LEAD FREE WICK Pink Sugar scent candle in a blue tin from Redneck Candles at Etsy.

A sample of 96% Organic Lavender Oil-Free Hydrating Serum from Spa Goddess at Etsy.

Organic Lavender & Aloe soothe & aid the regeneration of skin cells.
Use this ultra-healing Lavender serum as a soothing, lightly moisturizing, clarifying facial treatment.
Scent is richly Lavender with a subtle hint of apricot.
Lavender & Aloe soothe Rosacea and help heal & prevent blemishes. Clarifies pores for a cleaner, more refined appearance.
Apply a thin layer of Lavender Oil-Free Hydrating Serum after cleansing & toning. Use a facial spritz such as Angel Face Botanicals Lavender Mist to achieve an even application and follow with moisturizer. This serum will enhance your moisturizers therapeutic, emollient properties. For oilier skin try using the serum in place of moisturizer, or mixing it with a little bit of moisturizer.

A glass tube of Black Cherry scented incense with holder, Sephora “Precious Pink” lip gloss, Breast Cancer Awareness Rubber Duckie, a cool key fob (also made by ME!), a stuffed Breast Cancer Awareness teddy bear, a Mega-Mite waterproof vibrator, Dust Me Pink, edible body powder with feather duster in Barely Berry, a “surprise” goody bag and a ceramic “Thanks A Bunch” plaque.

Okay, get commenting (and donating, if you can and/or want to!)  THANKS!



Sunday, October 25, 2009

Randomness

While I'm composing my Chicago post and handling some RL shit, I thought I'd post a little randomness to entertain y'all while I'm dealing.  Enjoy!

















What kind of job do you think she has?                         Ouch!

            
The Philosophy of Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE


IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:




1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.


2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.


3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.


4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?


5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.


6.. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.


7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?


8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?


9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?


10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?


11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"


12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?


13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?


14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?


15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?


16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?


17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?


18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?


19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?


20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?


21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?


22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?


24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?


25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?


26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?


27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?


28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, A ND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?


29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?


30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?


31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?


32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?


33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY
BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?


Now you know you're gonna really think about a couple of those, arent' you?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Home from The Windy City



Hi! I'm home!  I had a fantastic time in Chicago.  I'll need a few days to catch up on everyone's blogs and to get a post up.  Y'all need to know that bloggers and Nickelback fans are absolutely the BEST people on earth!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Awards

I've been given three blog awards recently.  *Squee!*



Southern Sage, that extremely sexy cowboy and political maven awarded me with the Dragon's Loyalty Award.  I love to read Sage's blog and do comment on a regular basis.  He's a good man and takes some steamy HNT pictures.  He likes me even though we're sometimes are at opposite ends of the political spectrum 'cause he knows I'm a republicrat.

I'd like to pass along this award to:

Ron at *VENT*
Indigo
Lady In Red
Sorrow
and Fire Byrd

* The sexy Steve at The Levi Store also saw fit to award me the Loyalty Award.  I'm so lucky to have such great bloggers to read and who come to read mine.  Thank you!

** The beautiful, sexy, funny, amazing Barefoot Dreamer bestowed the Award on me as well.  I'm humbled and speechless.  Thank you, beautiful!




Autumn and Morning Glory, those two Oh-So-Sexy-and-Smart-Babes, bestowed me with the You Are A Great Read! award.  The rules are I have to tell you ten things I do every day and then pass it to ten others.  So, here's 10 things I do every day:

1. Worry
2. Drink coffee
3. Meditate for a few minutes sending out positive thoughts and energy to those that need/want it.
4. Kiss my dog and rub his belly.
5. Swear at my crazy beagle.
6. Smoke
7. Bitch about not winning the lottery.
8. Read
9. Try to do something creative.
10. Sleep

Am I just a ball-o-fire or what?  Now these are some people that are really good reads and I love 'em.  Check them out if they aren't already
on your list!

1.  Apollo's Fire - I identify with him so much!
2. At Longing's End - Reading this blog makes me believe in true love.
3. Beyond The Birds and The Bees - Excellent blog for those of you with children and just an all around great read.
4. A Bit Player Reflects - What can I say about Spiky except she's AWESOME!
5. Brain Clouds and Memory Rain - A fellow zombie, with brilliant thoughts.
6. Joker - SATX - He definitely deserves this award for the second time.
7. Yes, I Am A Slut - Her adventures will make you hot and wet!
8. Jackie Adshead - An erotic artist and great writer.  You HAVE to see her paintings.
9. Northern Lights and Sleepless Nights - A love story.
10. Welcome to My Secret Spot - Great HNT pics and interesting, insightful posts.

That other HOT guy that wears jeans, Steve at The Levi Store, also gave me his coveted Gold Button Award for clever comments:




Thank you to Sage, Autumn, Morning Glory and Steve for thinking so much of my blog and me to give me these awards.  And THANK YOU! to everyone who comes by to read and/or lurk here.  MMMMMWAH!

BABELAND, that awesome toy store is donating 20% of the sale price of their PINK OCTOBER TOYS to fight BREAST CANCER this October.  Click on the links to see them and maybe get a nice surprise for the woman who's boobies you love or get something for yourself!






My daughter's team

I'm off on Thursday to visit a fellow blogger and a fellow Nickelback freak!  See ya!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Battle agaist Breast Cancer


Keep watching this blog for my giveaway!





Saturday, October 3, 2009

I need to see this movie!



ZOMBIELAND

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Vanilla, Kool-Aid, pass the Valium, please



I went to lunch with an old friend the other day. I’ve known her for over twenty years.

We met at work and had a few things in common at that time. We were both married young, had a boy and girl, were from New York, and liked to sew and to do needlework. So, we got on very well. I see her for lunch about once every two months. But recently, I’ve noticed the differences we have are beginning to grow exponentially to our similarities.

She has never had any financial difficulty in her life. I don’t begrudge her this and am happy that she hasn’t nor will she experience what I have gone through in the past and am currently dealing with. She also has three grandchildren, I have none. I’m one of those oddball women that really doesn’t care much for babies and/or children. I really don’t have much to say about them and will never willingly engage random women with babies in conversation about the cuteness of their child. I also will never ask to hold a baby just because it’s there. My friend is also still married and I believe will remain so until, “death do them part.” One of our other differences is religion. She is a church going Catholic and I’m not.

"Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in moods, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement mixer long after one's interest in the topic has waned”
~ Fran Lebowitz

We also have never discussed anything about sex. Ever. I just know that my views on polyamorous relationships, sex for recreation, being submissive, aggressive sex, sex blogs, etc. would give her apoplexy. She went to church to say a novena when I became a Slumber Parties distributor. Any chatting about the qualities of vibrators, lubes and restraints is out of the question.

My friend has now found something new to talk about that not only annoys the shit out of me but actually makes me want to stick a fork in her eye. She is selling a product through a multi-level marketing company (Think, AMWAY) and has not only drunk the Kool-Aid but now makes it herself. The product is a good one, I use it myself and know that it’s good but I cannot and will not chat up total strangers, even close personal friends, about purchasing this product or becoming a “distributor.” My friend who has known me for over twenty years is totally unwilling and/or unable to get this through her fucking thick skull!

She is so brainwashed that she just won’t see that she is not going to become a millionaire selling this product. That train has left the station with the people who started selling in 30 years ago. I’ve tried politely the last couple of times I’ve met her to move the conversation past the selling, distribution, presentations for friends, etc. on to any other topic – even the grandchildren. She is tenacious as a dog with a T-bone. This last time, I became sharper with my comments regarding my desire not to speak about this. My words fell on deaf ears. It became very uncomfortable for me when she began cornering sales people in various stores and the waiter at the restaurant extolling the virtues and possible additional income of this product. It was her goal to speak to 3 people about the product during our outing. Well, who the fuck cares that I don’t want to talk about anything relating to the product or the fact that it’s a pyramid scheme?

I needed several alcoholic beverages at lunch. I love my friend but am starting to think that we’ve grown very far apart. Her agenda and lust for the possibility of untold fortunes by her single-minded devotion to this product is definitely driving a wedge through our friendship. She doesn’t respect my thoughts regarding this. I almost feel like a child that does not understand the lesson. She feels that she repeats it over and over again, I’ll suddenly agree with the brilliance of it.

This will not happen. My path is in a very different direction from hers. I’ve changed drastically from the woman I was those 20 plus years ago. I respect that she has changed as well but I’m not getting the same respect from her.

My lovely, brilliant readers give me some advice, please. I really don’t want to stick a fork in her eye next time we meet.



Friday, September 25, 2009

I just love a good zombie!

My love of all things zombie sometimes brings an unexpected smile.

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Another One (Year) Bites The Dust!





In the central place of every heart there is a recording chamber. So long as it receives a message of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage - so long are you young. When the wires are all down and our heart is covered with the snow of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, are you grown old.

~Douglas MacArthur




(It's my birthday today.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Goodbye, Patrick

Patrick Swayze died today.
May he rest in peace.

Friday, September 11, 2009


My niece was getting married on September 29, 2001. I hadn’t been back to New York since my nephew’s wedding five years earlier. My daughter was going with me, as she didn’t remember the last time she was in the state. Our tickets were purchased well in advance and we would fly out on my daughter’s birthday, September 24th.

I was excited to be going. I miss the fall and missed The City. A day trip to and apple farm and another trip into Manhattan by train were planned. My daughter was also looking forward to making this trip. Although she was born in Florida, New York has always been close to her heart.

The day began like any other, except I’d taken off work to bring my son to the dentist and run pre-trip errands. On the way to school after the dentist appointment, we were listening to “The Bob & Tom Show”. During the middle of one of their discussions, either Bob or Tom announced there was a fire burning in The World Trade Center in New York, There was obvious confusion and much discussion taking place in the radio studio. Minutes later one of them said the words that froze my soul – “It’s believed that a plane has crashed into one of the towers.” Life as we knew it would never be the same.

There are occurrences in our lives that will stay with us as long as we live. Most of the time the events are of a personal nature but there are always a few that will encompass the world. For me, I can remember the entire scenario when I was told my father died. The same goes for when President Kennedy was assassinated and lastly, when it was known that brutal terrorists attacked the United States. The first two life altering events happened when I was very young so the pain and shock have been worn smooth by time. Not so with the events of September 11, 2001.


The advent of 24/7/365 news and technological advances made the attack photographs and breaking news ever present. The horror of watching the towers burn then fall knowing that innocent people were dying was almost too much to bear. The shock of knowing that=2 0other countries hated the U.S. enough to attack us using airplanes and unknowing civilians was mind numbing. Not only was New York a target as we came to learn but Washington, DC and other targets never (?) to be revealed.

Days passed before I was able to reach my sister by telephone. My nephew and niece both worked in Manhattan; cold fear was in me until I finally knew they both were fine. My niece was not near the World Trade Center but my nephew was. He was one of the many, unhurt, but dazed people that walked uptown, covered in ash, debris and who knows what else, to escape the terror. He found a bar that was open and sat there drinking to dull his emotions. He said it was quiet in there even as more of the walking wounded piled in. There was nothing to say because no one could form rational thoughts. Not yet.

The silence in the skies made me wonder if my daughter and I would get to my nieces wedding. It was wait and see for several days but we were allowed to fly. New security regulations were in effect. Mostly chaos rules security. Panic, worry, fear were all present in the Florida and NY airports. It was actually the best time to fly anywhere, I think. Landing in Westchester, which is north of the city, we didn’t get a first hand look at the two main airports. We did get to visit New York City. It was almost unrecognizable as THE city that pulses with energy, day and night. It was still pulsing but with fear and sadness.

Grand Central Station still teemed with people but they were cautious and respectful. On the streets were more police than I’ve ever seen. Heavy equipment operators, construction workers, National Guard, tourists and residents were out, doing what they needed to do. To see men and women in military uniforms walking down Broadway with rifles was disconcerting and terrifying. But what made our hearts stop were the “Missing” posters/pictures – everywhere. At that time, there was still hope that people in the towers might be trapped but still, maybe alive.

There was no going downtown; we stayed north of 42nd Street. While we walked and walked and walked, we did enjoy the time spent in Manhattan but we knew it would never be the same.

Reading the newspapers was also an exercise in misery. Page upon page of obituaries. Men, women and children with different birth dates but with the same date of death – September 11, 2001.

I took some time to visit my mother’s and father’s grave. I’ve never been to a cemetery so “active”. Funerals were being held all day. A number of firemen were being interred there, the lone piper played. The bagpipe doesn’t really produce a beautiful sound on the best of occasions but it was hauntingly mournful that day.

My niece got married. The rest of our visit was pleasant and uneventful. The events that took place only a few days before were present every minute of everyday. The attacks were one of those moments that will stay in the mind of every person old enough to remember them. And we should remember.

I’ve often said I’m not a politically savvy person. I have no grand plan or answers for what happened then and what might happen in the future. Americans seem to become apathetic fairly quickly. I only know that it should never, ever happen again. That is the reason we need to remember the horror, the pain, the unbelievable, the incomprehensible actions that took place on September 11, 2001.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Babeland "Freestyle" Vibrator Review






Since I’ve made my love of rock & roll pretty clear, I was damn excited to get the Babeland exclusive Freestyle vibrator by OhMiBod.

This vibe is so fucking cool! You can wirelessly use it hooked up to your mp3 player or home music system to have personalized orgasm after orgasm. Or, you can use one of the seven (7) programmed vibrations without music. After trying the Freestyle out both ways, I want to marry this vibe!

Here’s the technical stuff:

The Freestyle measures 8.25” long, 5.75” insertable, and 1 1/8” in diameter. Molded from premium grade hypoallergenic non-toxic, non porous ABS plastic with a PU coating. Chrome finish detail. Rechargeable battery. 2 hours charge time for up to 5 hours of play time! The Freestyle comes with a 2.4GHz (RF) wireless transmitter with 2 AAA batteries. 12” (30cm) 3.5mm connector cable for home audio AUX-input. Custom travel case. Universal charger with adapters for EU, UK & AU/NZ and the instruction manual. I love the pretty deep raspberry color. Freestyle is phthalate free and pretty quiet. It’s splash proof but not waterproof. Compatible with all iPods, iPhone, mp3 players and home audio systems. 1 year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Freestyle feels nice. It’s smooth, hefty and silky. The PU coating gives it almost a skin-like feel and allows you to use minimal lube. I used a water-based lube. Clean-up was very easy using Babeland toy cleaner and a soft cloth.

Since my review is a day late, y’all know I was having a fantastic time with the Freestyle.
I had it and my iPod all charged up and ready to go yesterday morning. I put in my ear buds, cranked up the volume and inserted the Freestyle into my very anxious pussy. My fucking Chad Kroeger fantasy started with “Burn It to the Ground’ and continued through “S.E.X.” I may never actually fuck Chad but using the Freestyle that hit my g-spot with delicious intensity with every note of the music, is just about the next best thing. I’m not easily orgasmic and love to have my clit
stimulated, REALLY stimulated – the Freestyle and my iPod had my clit totally, completely satisfied with pounding, tickling, rumbling vibrations. Somewhere during the middle of “Light My Fire”, I passed over to orgasm Valhalla and believe I touched the face of Jim Morrison. The Freestyle with my iPod playlist gave me several amazing orgasms but that last one blew me away.

I have many, many toys and I’m so impressed with this vibrator. It feels so good slipping in and out of my vagina. The weight and girth are just perfect. I came so many times that I was glad I used a thick towel on the bed and never needed to reapply any lube. When I used the tip of the vibe on my clit, the intensity proved equally strong throughout the length of the Freestyle.

After going through my playlist, I decided to call a friend in the interest of science to have some phone fun going through the 7 delicious vibrations of the Freestyle without using the wireless music function.

With him talking dirty to me, I was amazed at the variety and once again, the intensity of vibrations the Freestyle offered. Some more equally intense orgasms followed until, I just was wrung out but very, very content.

The Freestyle vibrator is an investment. It’s not cheap but it's worth every penny, in my opinion. It is a quality product that will last and give you hours, days, weeks, months, and years of pleasure. Up until August 26th, Babeland is offering discounts on purchases and the Freestyle comes with a free gift of 2 ounces of Babeland Lube. And remember, Christmas (or your celebrated holiday) is coming!


I’m looking forward to using the vibe with my partner because he doesn’t think I can dance. He’ll think differently when he sees me moving like Shakira all over the bed or the floor or the couch! The Freestyle definitely gets me moving in many ways.
Thank you, Babeland!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Book Review - Black Boxes



I didn’t do HNT this week because I was reading. When I finished reading, I was thinking about the book I’d just finished. Usually, I don’t read books I have to think about because the two of me (Lizzie and Martha) will end up fighting about the whole concept and I end up with a headache. However, I believe that I’ve gotten everyone on board with the same thoughts about this book.

A few months ago, I was the lucky winner over on DJ Kirkby’s blog of “Black Boxes” by Caroline Smailes. Caroline was kind enough to send me the signed copy which I flipped through, a bit intrigued by the format of the writing style and then put in my “To Read” pile.

Monday I started to read Black Boxes and found that I couldn’t stop reading until I finished it! My first impression of Ana was that she was just a weak woman who fell in love with the wrong man. I didn’t like her very much. I really didn’t like Alex who was just plain horrid. What did Ana see in him? Why would she love such a bastard?

Opening “Black Boxes” is like opening Pandora’s Box. Thoughts and emotions start to fly all over the place. This book is tragic, painful, enlightening and even though the majority of women and/or men who read it are not as on the edge as Ana and Alex, they’ll recognize a wee bit of themselves in the characters. I know I did.

I went from disliking Ana to pitying her to being angry for her. She was a house of cards to begin with and through her narrative, I was able to see her fall totally apart. Her anguished silent screams for help were never heard. Perhaps that’s the reason she chose Alex, he was self-absorbed and dominated by a woman he probably hated but felt powerless against. Thus, I think he was drawn to Ana whom he would be able to ignore and abuse to feed his need for self-worth. I never came to like Alex at all. I only felt increasing anger towards him.

Personally, I could relate to Ana’s post-partum depression and her feeling of being trapped. It was a scary look inside myself. But I realized I also felt
superior to her because I gave up the dream of “happily ever after” a long time ago and I was, nor will I be such a fragile woman.

Whatever the back-story is that made Ana and Alex the people they were and what they became is what kept me thinking.

Black Boxes is an excellent read. Even though there are no real monsters, it’s frightening. In addition, although there is no real hero or heroine, I think you’ll feel a sense of victory because you have read this book and got a glimpse of a life you (hopefully) aren’t taking part in.

Caroline Smailes has another book, “In Search of Adam”, that I believe I’ll be reading shortly.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tagged!


Here are the rules:

1. Mention the person (or people) who tagged you. I got this from DJ Kirkby

2. Complete the lists of 8s.

3. Tag 8 other bloggers and let them know they have been tagged.


8 things I am looking forward to: 1. Retiring, 2. Winning the lottery, 3. Freedom, 4. The blisters on my feet to heal, 5. Taking a trip to meet a friend, 6. A new Nickelback CD, 7. Seeing fall and feeling the air, 8. Better days.

8 things I did yesterday: 1. Woke up in Orlando, 2. Ate breakfast at Sizzler, 3. Drove home, 4. Did laundry, 5. Took a nap, 6. Bought an Elvis Beanie Baby bear, 7. Ironed, 8. Gave Mulder a blow job.


8 things I wish I could do: 1. Stop working, 2. Have the money and freedom to go and do what I want/need, 3. Write a book , 4. Have a Siamese cat, 5. Be with a very special friend, 6. Have legs like Tina Turner, 7. Ride a bike without maiming myself, 8. Dance

8 Shows I watch: 1. Bones, 2. Dexter, 3. CSI, 4. Amazing Grace, 5. In Plain Sight, 6. Forensic Files, 7. Big Bang Theory, 8. Law and Order


8 favorite fruits: 1. Pineapple, 2. Waternelon, 3. Grapes, 4. Blueberries, 5. Blackberries, 6. Raspberries, 7. Kiwi, 8. Bananas


8 Places I'd Like to Travel : 1. Australia, 2.
Scotland, 3. England, 4. Arizona, 5. Colorado, 6. Canada, 7. Barbados, 8. Over the rainbow


8. Places I've Lived: 1. Mamaroneck, 2. Peekskill, 3. Ossining, 4. Dania, 5. Hollywood, 6. Coral Springs, 7. Port St. Lucie


8 People I've Tagged But Who Don't Have To Do It If They Don't Want To:
1. Ronjazz, 2. Ron @ Vent, 3. Autumn, 4. Lily, 5. Butterfly, 6. Indigo, 7. Sorrow, 8. Sage

Friday, July 3, 2009

Lies, I tell you, LIES!



Ladies, in my opinion, we have been sold a bill of goods, a pig in the poke, the Brooklyn Bridge. Feminism, Woman’s Rights – blah, blah, blah, is a huge crock of shit.

I know you’re probably totally shocked at this notion. Initially, I was too. However, after 3 or 4 gin & tonics the whole devious plot became crystal clear.

Picture this – some well-heeled guys in a “Men’s Club” a la Randolph and Mortimer Duke in “Trading Places”. They’re all comfy in big leather chairs drinking single malt Scotch, smoking Cuban cigars, back in the mid- 1960’s.

Guy 1: You know, this birth control pill is going to let women slut around like we do.

Guy 2: Yeah, next thing you know they’ll be wanting our jobs.

Guy 3: Well, you know during WWII, the women did take our jobs and some of them really liked it.

Guy 2: Shit! We gave ‘em voting rights and now they want everything!

Guy 1: (Thoughtfully) They liked working and taking care of children and the house? I wonder if there is some way we could get ‘em to do everything all the time?

Guys 2&3: WHAT!?! Why the hell would anyone want to do all that, all the time? That’s just crazy talk. Plus, women can’t do “real” work like men.

Guy 1: But what if we could make them think that they could do it all? We MARKET the whole idea really well, present it in a great package, appeal to their minds and reinforce it constantly? Think about it, wives and girlfriends are out working, trying to reach the top of their chosen professions because we told them they could, they come home to take care of the house and kids, we get ‘em to keep in shape on top of it all, they’ll be so damn busy all the time that they’ll leave us alone and we can do whatever we want!

Guy 2: It could work but I think we’d have to make some token efforts to “help.”

Guy 3: Yeah, but we’ll be so “inept” that we’ll try really hard *snigger* but screw things up so badly that they’ll end up doing it themselves.

And this is how the most nefarious plot in history began.

Oh!, yes, my sisters. The majority of us got sucked in to some extent. There are those that definitely managed to achieve the status of “Super Woman.” The rest of us just were fooled into believing that we could do it.

The TV show “Wonder Woman” gave us a great visual and we thought, “I can be that woman!” We played right into the hands of the men by watching “That Girl” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Those shows led us to believe that working, taking care of business and dating was madcap fun. Those “guys” gave us wings – on our mini-pads, pantyhose, mini-skirts, plastic applicators and go-go boots. And even our own cigarettes! We were intoxicated with the power and if that wasn’t enough, they bestowed us with two idols for us to worship – Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem!


In my vision of how life is, these two weren’t goddesses because they were actually, … (wait for it …) … MEN! Yes. Men. Groomed to head the revolution by men, for men, they were false prophets in drag. Take a long look at them. Men, I tell you, MEN!. “Ms.” Friedan and Steinem preached that we were powerful, strong and smart. Didn’t we know that already? We’re strong enough to carry a human being in our bodies, powerful enough to push it out of a very tiny opening and then magically produce food to nourish this offspring and smart enough (well, most of us) not to do it again! That’s what the birth control pill was for. (That and so we could slut around like men (before HIV/AIDS and crazy STD’s) because, dammit, we like fucking, too! )

Instead of using our keen wits to keep as much free time to ourselves as possible, like lemmings, we followed the preaching of these two charlatans. We really gave up our power to persuade, our talent for guile, to become “Super Woman.” We didn’t even get the cool bullet deflecting bracelets or that nifty lasso, did we? Nope. Most of us didn’t get Lynda Carter’s killer boobs, either. (I have another theory about bras and boobs, but I’ll save it for another time.)

What we got was the shaft. Peter Steele’s shaft would’ve been nice but, NO! We all toddled into a bottomless shaft of careers, being wives/mothers, jobs, teacher, driver, entertainment chairwoman, CEO, CFO, negotiator, chief cook and bottle washer. Butcher, baker …

Men were joyous! They could forgo all decision making. When there was a fuck-up, they could blame women. They could slack off with work because we were, “bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan.” Of course something important would come up for then when it was time to drive to dance rehearsal or the dentist or stay home if the kids were sick. Remember, WOMEN CAN DO AND HAVE IT ALL!

So, can we have/do/be all? Apparently not. A brilliant woman spoke on TV the other day verifying my hypothesis. I didn’t get to watch the whole segment because I had to do some dishes, walk the dogs, fold laundry and clean the cat box before I went to work. The gist of it is that thirty-something years ago when all this malarkey about being the willing, the knowing able to accomplish the impossible with nothing crap got started we were too brainwashed to realize that all we were going to get was exhausted, frustrated and angry. And we’d be hungry. Hungry because all the while we were changing the world, we still had to look gorgeous and be able to do it all day, everyday in fuck-me-pumps. (Hello? Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Steve Madden – MEN!)

I do realize that some women have been able to become the Betty Friedan/Gloria Steinem ideal. Good for them. Me, I’m a total failure at it. I suck at multi-tasking. I never wanted to be in charge of anything or anyone. I wanted to be an artist. Yes, I know that I made my own decisions. I had free will and all that crap. Nevertheless, I think things should have been left alone. Since everyone (pretty much) has free will, the women that wanted to could have fought the good fight and the ones that liked the men bringing home the money, mowing the lawn, playing golf, coulda just stayed home to look after the children, go to yoga, fuck the pool boy, and bake cookies. You know, the Donna Reed woman. I should have just kept my intelligence and abilities under wraps. I should have only let them out in small measure. On the other hand, I could have just been very selfish and done it all, been it all only for me. *I* know *I* would have appreciated me!

One of my nightmares is seeing Gloria and perhaps Janeane Garofalo (since dear Betty is gone. Hopefully to a suitable “reward”) sitting in leather chairs, drinking Scotch. Gloria is scratching her junk and they are both laughing as discuss the change they hath wrought. Bitches!

Since change is the only constant in life, I think that I’ll use what brains and life force I have left to engage my brilliance, ingenuity and passion to figure out a way to settle the score – a way to have it all but have it MY way! I know I’ll do it because, after all, I am a woman...

And I’ve got gin!