Sunday, October 25, 2009

Randomness

While I'm composing my Chicago post and handling some RL shit, I thought I'd post a little randomness to entertain y'all while I'm dealing.  Enjoy!

















What kind of job do you think she has?                         Ouch!

            
The Philosophy of Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE


IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:




1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.


2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.


3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.


4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?


5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.


6.. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.


7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?


8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?


9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?


10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?


11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"


12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?


13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?


14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?


15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?


16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?


17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?


18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?


19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?


20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?


21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?


22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?


24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?


25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?


26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?


27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?


28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, A ND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?


29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?


30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?


31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?


32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?


33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY
BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?


Now you know you're gonna really think about a couple of those, arent' you?

15 blew out from under the bed:

Ron said...

Love the photos, Nitebyrd!

What is that...scarring art? OUCH is right, but I still thinks it's cool.

Enjoyed all the idiosyncrasies, but #6, 17 and 23 were pricless!

Can't wait to read all about your Chicago trip.

X ya, Sis!

Anonymous said...

LOL
LOL
LOL
LOL

Anonymous said...

That miss deserves somme candy stripes across her ass!

Enjoyed the funnies, especially the apes and evolution thang! Made me think! Dont feed the monkeys..

Anonymous said...

lol those were awesome! The pictures though? I love tattoos and piercings .. but those are ... well ... yeah, I've got nothing. I dont find that attractive or artistic in any way. But thats just me lol.

Fire Byrd said...

Silly!
xx

Joker_SATX said...

Creative.......


....most Creative......

Akelamalu said...

I'm thinking about ALL of them!! LOL

Those two women are scary!

Jackie Adshead said...

Love these! Particularly:

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

LOL

Indigo said...

Blooody L ! I think these are so funny, clever and I can't remember which ones I laughed the most at...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha deep breath hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

lili said...

Thanks for a much needed giggle :)

Hugs Lili

Nolens Volens said...

I love George Carlin's rants. Always fun to read. :)

rage said...

That is some heavy shit to think about!

tattytiara said...

#2 reminds me of Dorothy Parker's lovely little rhyme:

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.

nitebyrd said...

Ron ~ I have no idea what you'd call that on her back. It looks like she has some bars through her skin. Tattoos I can get into, multiple, all-over body piercing's, not so much.

Southern Sage ~ Glad you got a laugh!

Steve ~ I don't know. They both look like they can take LOTS of pain. They'd probably just giggle at a cropping or caning.

Morning Glory ~ I'm with you, girl. More scary that beautiful, IMO.

Fire Byrd ~ Yes, sometimes it's just good to be silly!

Joker ~ Well, the creativity isn't mine. It was an email I received and as Nolens Volens stated, George Carlin is almost certainly the creator. He was one that always managed to point out the obvious in a unique way.

Akelamalu ~ I'm getting you back for burning my brain cells with that Nursery Rhyme post you had! LOL

Jackie ~ That's a good one!

Indigo ~ My post is a success if I made you laugh that hard. :)

lili ~ Hello, girl! I'm so happy to see you here! Hope all is well. (((hugs)) to you!

NV ~ I should have recognized The Master. No credit was given in the email I received but George Carlin would be right on target. Or Stephen Wright?

Rage ~ Yes, they are if you REALLY start to think about them. I try never to think that hard.

tattytiara ~ Welcome! Thanks for stopping by. Dorothy Parker was a balls-out genius, wasn't she? Love her!

Merle cheats said...
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