Sunday, January 30, 2011

It's on the internet, so it must be true!

I was looking for a picture to illustrate an upcoming blog. This was what produced for results ~

*** Click to enlarge ***

I'll be back later in the week with a recap of The Race and a toy review.  One of the toys is just PERFECT for Valentine's Day!  And it's just too damn cute!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Once Again, The "C" Word

It's time for the annual Susan G. Komen Race for The Cure in South Florida. This will be the 20th year the race has been run in West Palm Beach.  I will be there.  Since I have many new readers, I thought I'd re-run my original post about my daughter's fight and defeat of breast cancer.  My post is in honor of the survivors and in memory of those valiant women and men who lost their battle.

I've put up a PayPal donation button over on my sidebar.  I  have a goody basket of assorted items to give away to someone who makes a donation.  You can donate any amount, it doesn't matter.  100% of your donation to my Komen page will go to research a cure for this disease.  The prize is my incentive for you to donate.  Thank you.

No, not THAT "C" word. The other one: CANCER.

I would be happy to be called a cunt everyday for the rest of my life if only I never had to hear my beautiful daughter say to me, "Mom, I have breast cancer."

My blood froze, every muscle in my body turned to water, and the horrible screaming I heard was actually me. We all cried. Her father, her husband, me and my daughter. Then I got drunk and threw up in her backyard.

After that we all put on our big girl panties (men included) and dealt with it. Next Saturday, January 29, her husband, my daughter, myself, Mulder, and several friends and co-workers, will once again participate in the annual Susan G. Komen Race for The Cure. Our group being none too athletic will be walking the 5K course along the intra-costal waterway. We get to meet and talk to survivors, mothers walking for daughters, sisters walking for sisters, sons walking for mothers. Whether they are walking for survivors or in memory of, every person does this walk or run for someone they love very, very much. It is why I walk so joyfully WITH my daughter - a survivor.The story down below was written right after Christina was diagnosed. She asked me to share it with all my friends - real and cyber.   


A Message from Christina …                         

My daughter, Christina, asked me to do this – for YOU! Christina is 28 years old. In April of this year she felt a pain in her left breast. She also thought she felt a lump. The lump seemed to enlarge and decrease but the pain stayed. She made an appointment with her gynecologist. He did a quick breast exam and told her not to worry about it because there was no history of breast cancer in our family and SHE WAS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE BREAST CANCER.

By early June, the pain was becoming worse and she went to see our family doctor. The family doctor gave her a breast exam and did feel something like a mass, she doubted Christina had cancer – maybe a breast cyst, and scheduled her for a sonogram. The sonogram did show a mass, still possibly a fibrous cyst but the family doc referred her to a breast surgeon. The surgeon did another sonogram to confirm and decided to do a breast biopsy. He was pretty sure it was just an infected cyst but wanted to be sure.After the biopsy, the surgeon told me he was very relieved because when he stuck the anesthetic needle in he felt a “pop” and lots of fluid and blood began to come out. He was 98% sure at this point it was an infected cyst, he drained all the fluid he could but went ahead and did the biopsy because he just needed to be sure. She is only 28 and with no history of breast cancer he felt that cancer was not really an option but just in case, he did the biopsy.

The biopsy showed AN EXTREMELY AGGRESSIVE FORM OF BREAST CANCER.Christina has had a lumpectomy and is now going through chemotherapy and will have radiation. She has large breasts so the removal of the 4cm tumor has left her one breast scarred but it’s not too bad. She has had a port inserted for her chemo because her veins are not very large. Her hair will fall out completely by her 29th birthday, September 25, 2006. We had fun buying wigs. She bought a wig her normal hair color and style (brown and straight) but decided a blonde wig was also in order. She is also thinking about having a double mastectomy and reconstruction.


Christina is 4 1/2 years cancer free. She feels great, has been losing weight and working with a trainer. Her hair came in the most beautiful warm brown and so curly. If I do say so myself, she is gorgeous. She has also learned that the crap you get in life isn't to be worried about. Have some fun and joy every single day. Don't save the good perfume - use it! She's a funny, smart, talented, beautiful woman. She wants to be a mother, soon. I have no doubt she will make a wonderful mother and in time, a fabulous grandmother.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Lelo Sale @ Babeland!

BABELAND is having a sale on LELO for 4 Days!  The sale includes the NEA, my new favorite toy!

♥ ♥ ♥ Valentine's Day is less than a month away! ♥ ♥ ♥

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sleepless in The Abyss

I couldn’t get to sleep a few nights ago.  My thoughts wandered hither and yon like balls in a pinball game.  (Remember pinball machines? Yeah, you’re old, too!)  St. Jude was the first nebulous thought.  Not the hospital, the actual saint.  He’s the patron saint of lost causes which was what I was thinking about the elusive sleep I was looking for.  From there it was thoughts about the New Orleans Saints and Drew Brees.  He’s a cutie and I hope he doesn’t end up a man-whore like Brett Favre. Brett Farve brought to mind the Nickelback song, “Figured You Out” (I like your pants around your feet …) which led to memories of a road trip to see Nickelback in New Orleans. I really like New Orleans. From there I thought about being in the Superdome a year after Katrina and the tour of the Ninth Ward and all the destruction that was still evident. Thoughts of destruction brought to mind the hotel room I shared with three other women on a later trip to The Big Easy for Slumber Parties. From there, with visions of vibrators, a very overweight bed-mate, the loss of the rest of my 6-pack of Blackened Voodoo Ale and being locked out of the bathroom while a roommate had sex (I shoulda been having sex!), danced in my head while I remembered a poem one of my college professors given as a dramatic reading to the class.  I'm now going to share it with you ~

The Lady's Dressing Room 

Jonathan Swift


Five Hours, (and who can do it less in?)
By haughty Celia spent in Dressing;
The Goddess from her Chamber issues,
Array'd in Lace, Brocades and Tissues.
   Strephon, who found the Room was void,
And Betty otherwise employ'd;
Stole in, and took a strict Survey,
Of all the Litter as it lay;
Whereof, to make the Matter clear,
An Inventory follows here.
   And first a dirty Smock appear'd,
Beneath the Arm-pits well besmear'd.
Strephon, the Rogue, display'd it wide,
And turn'd it round on every Side.
On such a Point few Words are best,
And Strephon bids us guess the rest;
But swears how damnably the Men lie,
In calling Celia sweet and cleanly.
Now listen while he next produces,
The various Combs for various Uses,
Fill'd up with Dirt so closely fixt,
No Brush could force a way betwixt.
A Paste of Composition rare,
Sweat, Dandriff, Powder, Lead and Hair;
A Forehead Cloth with Oyl upon't
To smooth the Wrinkles on her Front;
Here Allum Flower to stop the Steams,
Exhal'd from sour unsavoury Streams,
There Night-gloves made of Tripsy's Hide,
Bequeath'd by Tripsy when she dy'd,
With Puppy Water, Beauty's Help
Distill'd from Tripsy's darling Whelp;
Here Gallypots and Vials plac'd,
Some fill'd with washes, some with Paste,
Some with Pomatum, Paints and Slops,
And Ointments good for scabby Chops.
Hard by a filthy Bason stands,
Fowl'd with the Scouring of her Hands;
The Bason takes whatever comes
The Scrapings of her Teeth and Gums,
A nasty Compound of all Hues,
For here she spits, and here she spues.
But oh! it turn'd poor Strephon's Bowels,
When he beheld and smelt the Towels,
Begumm'd, bematter'd, and beslim'd
With Dirt, and Sweat, and Ear-Wax grim'd.
No Object Strephon's Eye escapes,
Here Pettycoats in frowzy Heaps;
Nor be the Handkerchiefs forgot
All varnish'd o'er with Snuff and Snot.
The Stockings, why shou'd I expose,
Stain'd with the Marks of stinking Toes;
Or greasy Coifs and Pinners reeking,
Which Celia slept at least a Week in?
A Pair of Tweezers next he found
To pluck her Brows in Arches round,
Or Hairs that sink the Forehead low,
Or on her Chin like Bristles grow.

  The Virtues we must not let pass,
Of Celia's magnifying Glass.
When frighted Strephon cast his Eye on't
It shew'd the Visage of a Gyant.
A Glass that can to Sight disclose,
The smallest Worm in Celia's Nose,
And faithfully direct her Nail
To squeeze it out from Head to Tail;
For catch it nicely by the Head,
It must come out alive or dead.
   Why Strephon will you tell the rest?
And must you needs describe the Chest?
That careless Wench! no Creature warn her
To move it out from yonder Corner;
But leave it standing full in Sight
For you to exercise your Spight.
In vain, the Workman shew'd his Wit
With Rings and Hinges counterfeit
To make it seem in this Disguise,
A Cabinet to vulgar Eyes;
For Strephon ventur'd to look in,
Resolv'd to go thro' thick and thin;
He lifts the Lid, there needs no more,
He smelt it all the Time before.
As from within Pandora's Box,
When Epimetheus op'd the Locks,
A sudden universal Crew
Of humane Evils upwards flew;
He still was comforted to find
That Hope at last remain'd behind;
So Strephon lifting up the Lid,
To view what in the Chest was hid.
The Vapours flew from out the Vent,
But Strephon cautious never meant
The Bottom of the Pan to grope,
And fowl his Hands in Search of Hope.
O never may such vile Machine
Be once in Celia's Chamber seen!
O may she better learn to keep
"Those Secrets of the hoary deep!"
   As Mutton Cutlets, Prime of Meat,
Which tho' with Art you salt and beat,
As Laws of Cookery require,
And toast them at the clearest Fire;
If from adown the hopful Chops
The Fat upon a Cinder drops,
To stinking Smoak it turns the Flame
Pois'ning the Flesh from whence it came;
And up exhales a greasy Stench,
For which you curse the careless Wench;
So Things, which must not be exprest,
When plumpt into the reeking Chest;
Send up an excremental Smell
To taint the Parts from whence they fell.
The Pettycoats and Gown perfume,
Which waft a Stink round every Room.
   Thus finishing his grand Survey,
Disgusted Strephon stole away
Repeating in his amorous Fits,
Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!
   But Vengeance, Goddess never sleeping
Soon punish'd Strephon for his Peeping;
His foul Imagination links
Each Dame he sees with all her Stinks:
And, if unsav'ry Odours fly,
Conceives a Lady standing by:
All Women his Description fits,
And both Idea's jump like Wits:
By vicious Fancy coupled fast,
And still appearing in Contrast.
I pity wretched Strephon blind
To all the Charms of Female Kind;
Should I the Queen of Love refuse,
Because she rose from stinking Ooze?
To him that looks behind the Scene,

Satira's but some pocky Quean.
When Celia in her Glory shows,
If Strephon would but stop his Nose;
(Who now so impiously blasphemes
Her Ointments, Daubs, and Paints and Creams,
Her Washes, Slops, and every Clout,
With which he makes so foul a Rout;)
He soon would learn to think like me,
And bless his ravisht Sight to see
Such Order from Confusion sprung,
Such gaudy Tulips rais'd from Dung.
I  probably should have taken a sleeping pill.                                 

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lucky Me!

Usually, I don't have much luck in winning stuff. Every blue moon I'll get 3 numbers on a Lottery ticket but usually I don't even have one number. But recently, I've been quite lucky. I've won several give-aways and/or contests in cyberspace. I also figured you might like to know that I'm not a weepy, cranky, miserable bitch all the time. I can be pretty fucking happy at times. Not only did I win prizes but in most cases I was able to donate to a worthy cause or to help a fellow blogger. Being able to afford to give some money, time, materials, etc. to help always makes me feel good. Take a look at my loot!

Blacknick Sculpture had a give-away on his blog a few months back. I have a deep love of skulls so I left a comment on his blog, became a follower, told him where I'd display it and was overjoyed when Brian emailed me to tell me I won! Brian is a incredibly talented artist. Check out his blog and Etsy shop. Prepared to be amazed! This skull is so detailed and well-crafted, I am honored to own it. He's the star of my skull collection. THANK YOU, Brian! (*click the pictures to make them bigger*)

I am very ashamed that I didn't write about this piece sooner. Please accept my apologies Brian. Smiley from

Up next is what I got with the $50.00 Fascinations Gift Card I won over at aag's blog for donating to SCARLETEEN. I didn't donate because I thought I might win something. I NEVER think I'll win anything because I usually don't. Winning this was a very nice surprise. Deciding to forgo another toy, (shocking, right?) I scanned the Fascinations site and found out they carry PURSES! This beauty is the one I got. The best thing about this bag/purse by Living Dead Souls (gotta LOVE that name!) is that not only is it great for carrying all the usual shit I carry in my purse but it can double as a TOY TOTE! It's got pockets galore. A long snap one on the back, two on the side, two front zipper pockets outside, three slip pockets and a zipper pocket inside. And it's BIG. You could carry a whole passle of toys, lube, restraints, batteries, undies, a snack and still have room for your make-up! The lining is a tight weave polyester that will wipe clean. Oh! It also has it's own wee set of handcuffs and a ruby-eyed skull! (Y'all should consider donating something to SCARLETEEN, your kids and/or grand kids will thank you.)

Next up is the Sweet Streak Parisian Ruffles Lace-Up Basque G-String and Skirt Set from LoveHoney UK. I actually won the daily prize on day seven of the Paid On Results 12 Days of Christmas Contest for LoveHoney. Y'all remember me posting decorated pictures on the top of my blog before Christmas, don'tcha? I had a lot of fun doing this particular contest. I damn near fell off my chair when I got the email that my entry was selected! LoveHoney UK and Paid On Results were so gracious when I asked for a gift card instead of having money transferred to my bank account. (Suspicious, cynical Yank that I am). LoveHoney UK shipped this gorgeous corset and skirt to me posthaste and it is FABULOUS! I promise a full review with pictures, very soon.

The Whimsical Cottage is another blog that I follow and a fellow Etsy-ian. Danielle had an ornament in competition over at Better Homes & Gardens. Her snowman ornament was just too cute! Lemme tell you, I voted the hell out of it and she should have won the damn contest. After looking through the “unofficial” winners over there, she was ROBBED! I was once again a lucky duck because I left a comment on her blog when she posted about the BH&G contest and didn't I win one of Danielle's handmade gingerbread man ornaments! He is the most adorable thing! I couldn't bear to pack him up with the other Christmas stuff so he's hanging off my baker's rack wine rack for all to see. Danielle must bring me luck because during Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween, I won one of her prints – Goblin in Thought that looks stunning hanging in my sewing/facial room. Take a peek at The Whimsical Cottage on Etsy, won't you?

Last, but certainly not least, I donated to help the family of Riley. He's the little boy killed in a horrible accident just weeks before Christmas. My heart broke for his family. I still cannot fathom the suffering his family is going through. By helping Riley's parents, the wonderful organizer of the “raffle” - Babes Rockin Mami collected gift cards, services and merchandise donated by very generous , lovely peeps. For each dollar someone donated, they were issued a “ticket”. I was the recipient of a $100.00 gift card to Eden Fantasys. NIIIIIIIICE! I was able to complete my JimmyJane Massage Stone set by getting the “Contour M” stone. These ceramic stones are wonderful! You can heat 'em up or cool them down. They can be used together or separately. I just adore them for massage and I use them when I give facials. I also treated myself to a Lelo Nea. Since Lelo products always get rave reviews but are pricey, this was a perfect opportunity for me to splurge. I'll also be reviewing it sometime in the not too distant future. I need to overcome the orgasm headaches I've been having first. I live in fear of getting migraines again. But that's another blog! Check out Steph's yummy Etsy shop, too!

While receiving all this incredible bounty, I also am going to give because Karma is a bitch. During the month of December, I totaled up 141 comments for my “Cans For Comments” promotion. Dogs and Cats Forever will be getting an $85.00 cash donation from me ($21.00 a month for 4 months, 'cause I'm still kinda broke!) as they would like to purchase their own animal food. A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who commented and who continue to comment.

I'd also like to thank the readers who've visited my affiliate links and have made purchases. While I don't think I'm ever going to make a living off my blog, it's nice that I receive a tiny bit of cash every once in awhile.

There you have it. I was extremely lucky recently and I hope to hell it'll rub off on one of those Lottery and/or PowerBall tickets really soon. If it does, PARTY in Florida and y'all are invited!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Stay Tuned - Regular Programming Will Resume Shortly!

Due to some fucked up work schedule Mulder is having this week, I won't have internet access in the evening.  After work is when I usually post, comment, etc.  I'll be back this weekend with some more pleasant posts then I've had recently.  Thanks for understanding.

This just made me crack the hell up.  Hope it does the same for y'all!

Suave Frog ~

Funny Pictures - Suave Frog Gif
see more Lolcats and funny pictures