Friday, October 26, 2007

10 Minutes

I think I have ARADD (age related attention deficit disorder) because I was composing my story about the Valentine's Day candy and got distracted by a squirrel.

Today in The Sunshine State was gray and gloomy. If you didn't see palm trees out the window and people walking by in shorts, you'd swear it was going to snow. The 82 degree temperature was also a dead giveaway we weren't in Fargo. I went outside to smoke (no chiding, please.) Down on the ground by a car was a squirrel, happily munching on an acorn. We have some very pitiful looking oak trees here. He didn't run in terror when I approached, rather he looked at me with a, "WHAT???" expression. He made me smile.

He continued to look for acorns on the ground, occasionally glancing at me just to make sure I wasn't going to snatch his lunch. He hopped along and then went up the tree, still looking at me every so often. At one point he actually stopped dead, stared me right in the eye and began swearing at me in squirrel-speak. I laughed out loud right there in the parking lot, all alone.

I think I was out there about ten minutes. I had ten minutes of sheer peace and happiness. Ten minutes where I didn't worry about my life, money, global warming, bills, work, the war, the X, my children or Hillary becoming president. It was glorious.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Are you for real?

We all know the Internet horror stories about pedophiles and crazed axe murders. Or even men and women who seduce then bilk a person out of their life savings. Also the people that pretend to be famous to get ill-gotten gains. Those stories get tons of publicity. The stories that don't get noticed are the ones about everyday people getting hurt by impostors. These people don't lose money or life; they lose trust and self-confidence. Aren't those things precious, too?

Recently in my new world of blogging an impostor was revealed. I never read her blog but she lied and plagiarized. Even a newbie knows that isn't right. Her outing caused her to lash out viciously against other bloggers. She appears to be a real bitch-on-wheels. This incident brought back two very awful impostor stories to me. So, instead of the Valentine's Day Candy Saga, I thought you might like to read about my experiences with liars, cheats and scoundrels lurking in cyberspace.

About four years ago, when the X decided to flush everything down the toilet, I needed a distraction. My new job had Internet access. My co-worker listened to AOL radio. I kept hearing a song over and over, the guy's voice made me wet. I found out it was "Nickelback," the singer was Chad Kroeger. Now, y'all stop laughing. I've heard it all - He's the ugliest man in Rock & Roll, All their songs sound the same, Nickelback sucks - yada, yada, yada. I don't care. The man is smokin' hot to me. I adore the music. I've experienced IO's (instant orgasms) standing on the rail at their concerts. But, I digress. My love of Nickelback led me to my deep involvement with the Internet. I joined a Nickelback message board run by three sisters and met my BFF, Amelia.

Amelia lives is Australia. At the time, she was very vulnerable. Her 22 year marriage was breaking up, she lived all those years in a very isolated area and was afraid of venturing into life again. She was desperate to believe she was attractive and desirable. The three sisters, who in my opinion would have made great witches in Macbeth, got Amelia convinced that the head of security for Nickelback (Hawk) was in love with her. Hawk and Amelia were having cybersex, talking about meeting in Oz on the next tour, sharing little private jokes, etc. Amelia was truly ass over tea kettle in love with Hawk. Me being me, had doubts that I tried to convey to Amelia. She was deaf to my concerns. This went on for almost a year.

When the three sisters tired of playing with Amelia, they dropped her like a cat drops a dead rat. As the tale unraveled we discovered what the three sisters had done. They treated Amelia cruelly and without regard for her emotional and/or mental state. Amelia was devastated. We spent hours, days, weeks on the telephone and messenger. She was suicidal. Her spirit and confidence had been crushed. She overdosed on alcohol and prescription drugs but was rescued. She did, however, lose custody of her three children to her ex-husband. I have never feared for someones life and sanity as I did Amelia's.

The tree sisters have abandoned our Nickelback board, leaving us twisting in the wind. I imagine they are off tormenting someone else when they are not de-winging flies. I am happy to report that Amelia has met the love of her life and will be getting married soon. She still hurts when we talk about what happened but has overcome the damage that was done to her.

The second incident also involves Nickelback. Another person from this same board pretended to be a famous tennis player. I played along. It didn't harm me because I wasn't losing anything but time. I'd listen to her problems and follow along with her "tournaments." She even had her boyfriend, another famous tennis player, emailing me. Getting advice from me on their relationship. Hey! It was something to do and she wasn't hurting anyone as I believe that I was the only one she was bullshitting in the beginning. Then came a time when she got friendly through MySpace with one of Nickelback's crew members. She began promising him things. Meeting him, playing tennis, etc. She never came through. He questioned me and I felt at that point it was time to end the charade. I wasn't bothered by her delusions but he could have been hurt. After Amelia, I wouldn't want anyone hurt or even embarrassed by an Internet impostor. I sang like a canary! She was really, really pissed off at me.

Being a skeptic and cynic is my nature. It's not everyone's. I rarely get my feelings hurt but will always try to be aware of not hurting others. I think impostor's, liars, plagiarizers and the three sisters are detrimental to us good peeps. The Internet allows people to hide behind the mask of anonymity but they should at least be themselves, leaving us with at least some of our self-confidence and trust in our fellow humans intact.

Friday, October 19, 2007

In-Laws or Outlaws?

My X-Mother-in-law asked me if she did anything to make me divorce her son.

I suppose I could tell her it was her fault he was born. Couldn't I? Not that it would do any good, she can't put him back. I kept him much too long.

It did rather surprise me that she would think that she was THAT important in my life or that she could anything so horrid that I would leave her son because of it. I thought it was very presumptuous of her. She has a martyr complex, I believe.

I've been struggling to get all of the incidents leading up to the final episode down to the Reader's Digest version. That ain't gonna happen. I now think it might be therapeutic to write about the high-lights. This will give me an opportunity to vent, analyze then discard them; or at least put them to rest. I'll also get some different perspectives (hopefully) from comments.

My next post will explore the Valentine's Day candy saga. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I'm feeling blah today. Kind of semi-depressed and sad. I'm not really sure why. I've been working on a blog so all y'all that stumble in here could get to know me a bit more. I don't want to say I've hit a wall but I'm stuck. My theory has always been even if you are on death's door when someone asks you how you're doing, you say, "Fine." I'm finding it most difficult to tell even the unknowns in cyberspace that my life is out of control and I'm responsible for most of it.

A wonderful friend of mine told me I was like a caged animal yearning to be free but comfortable in the cage because I'd been there so long. This is true. Why couldn't I grow girly-balls earlier than I did?

I can't cry over what's happened but only look forward to what's to be. I'm trying to. Really, I am.

Update: I found this over at Fancies & Fuckeries:"

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

I Want This!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Sadly a beautiful, intelligent, funny, educational, inspirational door closed today in the blogging world. "The Sensuous Libertine" will publish no more.

So, as this door has shut I thought it might be time to open a window. My window where I'll look out at the world and let the world look in on me. Just keep your fingers crossed that I don't jump out of the window.

I can't bear to say, "Goodbye, Cherrie." I'll just say, "Hope to see you soon."