Monday, December 21, 2009

Rambling and stuff ...


From A Dust Bunny In The Wind



My son and his friend call Tim Tebow, the quarterback for the Florida Gators – Little Baby Jesus.
For some odd reason, I find that one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.


Women, please tell me why the fuck you send your clueless husband and sugar-high children to the grocery store? He has no idea what you want so he’s on the cell phone with you while the little bastards children wreak havoc in the aisles. Is this saving you any time? No, you just want to punish us people without Satan’s spawn kids, don’t you? Bitches! While I’m on that topic, old women, why do you bring your old fart husbands with you? I realize you’re on a “fixed income” (Who the hell isn’t?) but will the .25 difference in price between store brand and name brand Shredded Wheat that you are discussing like it was a cure for cancer in the middle of the damn aisle with your cart, push you over the edge into destitution? Will it?


Does the fact that Tiger Woods can’t keep his dick from sinking putts in every female hole he encounters really affect his golfing ability? Does anyone really care?

One of my absolute favorite things to do is give an amazing blow-job. I do them very, very well.
Thankyouverymuch!

A woman I work with laughs CONSTANTLY. Even while she is talking. Nothing is that fucking funny and she gets on my last nerve.

Sometimes doing something nice, just because, gets you a little kiss from Karma. I made those Rolo Pretzels and brought some to the women in the shop that does my facials. They were a big hit and I got a free pedicure. Sweet!

Art said something that makes a whole lot of sense. He’s not religious, he’s spiritual.  Art also gave me some fabulous chocolate from a local candy maker for Christmas.  Can you guess what I gave him? 


I have finally succumbed to the "Twilight" mania. I bought "Twilight" and "New Moon" books. (Just to keep things in perspective, I also finally got Rachel Green's "An Ungodly Child" which I've wanted forever!) Now, I adore a good vampire story but I was resistant about this whole "Twilight" thing because of the hype and because of teenagers. I haven't seen the movies and may not because that Robert Pattinson guy just isn't my idea of sexy.  Brad Pitt, now HE'S a sexy vampire.

Is anybody else just skeeved out by those PSA commercials with some random male TV stars telling you to get your wife, girlfriend, etc. a PAP smear for Christmas or Hanukkah? Seriously, WTF?


Guess what? Tonic water with lime and gin makes me want to dance! At my office Christmas party, I danced like no one was watching. Just between us, I looked FABULOUS! (I love me some Spanx!) The DJ wanted to dance with me and when I said I was hot, as in hot from dancing, one of my co-workers (young) husband said, "Yes, you are!" He meant I was, "HOT!" It made me feel so good, I had another gin and tonic.

I'll be back on Thursday for the Three Wishes HNT.  Right now I only have one thought out. Guess I'd better get my ass in gear for the other two!

Oh! FETLIFE is have one helluva giveaway.  Go visit.  NOW!

THESE are hysterical!

12 blew out from under the bed:

Akelamalu said...

So, WHAT DID YOU GIVE ART? LOL

V said...

I loved each and every one of these! Gave me a good laugh!! :D

Fat Controller said...

H. loves G and T with a splash of lime. A couple of those and she'll give me a pretty damn' good blowjob!

Jeff B said...

I feel much more informed now. Thank you!

vixen kitten said...

OMG You make me laugh!

Now, if I tell you you are HOT, because you soooo are, will you have another gin and tonic and dance with me?

Just wondering.... :)


xoxo
~vk~


PS WTF are spanx?

CrystalChick said...

Lovin' all of your ramblings.
You are HAWT girl and I'm sure Art was even feeling religious afterwards... OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD! LOL

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Merry Christmas honey.
xx

ZomBee said...

oh wow! what a coincidence! I LOVE receiving those.

Oh and the PAP PSAs? Yeah Wife and I turned to each other and said "what the fuck did he just say?"

Jackie Adshead said...

You've made me smile with these insights into your life! As I'm sure the blow job did in turn..... :)

Happy Christmas to you and yours, hope its a good one for you.. x

Indigo said...

Yeah Happy Christmas nitebyrd.. hope it's a great one for you.. I know it's going to be fabulous for me, because I'm with all the people I love and care for, apart from you and Spiky that is bit I got a feeling one day we will have the opportunity to meet each other, and I so look forward to that day ..xxx

rage said...

That's exactly why I do all the grocery shopping. If you want it done right then you have to do it yourself.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I hope you enjoy my book :) Thanks for the mention.