Friday, May 15, 2009

On becoming a crone ...

I was one of the lucky women who didn’t experience horrible menstrual cramps or raging PMS. Now, Mulder and my children might disagree on the PMS thing but, this is my story and their input has not been requested.

Nature is of course a woman and therefore a bitch. Going from the “mother to crone” part, she decided that since my “maiden/mother” part was so easy, she was going to kick my ass with the becoming a crone part. I began to have hot flashes and the ever delightful, night sweats in my early 40’s.
My hormones (I assume) were in constant battle. If the government drafted menopausal women to fight wars, we’d win hands down. I was angry, mad, happy, sad, homicidal, hot, sweaty, weepy, busy, lazy. Basically, you name an emotion and I was experiencing it. Usually in rotation every 5 minutes. On top of all this, I still got my period EVERY FUCKING MONTH until I turned 50. Then it stopped. Just like that. Like someone turned off the faucet.

Some women face menopause with dread and a deep sense of loss. They feel they’ve lost their purpose because they can’t reproduce. They are afraid of hair growing in weird places, drying skin, drying hair, wrinkles and a hundred other things. Not me.

I discover after about 6 months of officially being post-menopausal I truly felt liberated. I refused to take HRT so I use and still do natural supplements. They work fairly well and IMO are safer. There are amazing face/body cleansers, toners and moisturizers for the dry skin and wrinkles. Surgery is an option. You know there’s great products for hair, too. I discovered I was more comfortable with my body. I never was a Playboy model and I realized I never would be and I couldn’t have cared less. My body is good, not perfect, but it’s soft, curvy and welcoming. And the best part, for me, was finding how sexual I was becoming.

Was it the freedom from birth control and knowing that I could never, ever have another child? I don’t know. I just know that my libido increased as well as my curiosity about sex and all things sexual. I purchased my very first vibrator at the age of 50 ½. That “Rabbit” is well-used and has been joined with a whole batch of sister vibrators, dildos, eggs, butt plugs – you name it, I’ve probably got it! I want to try new positions, spanking, some bondage. I found I enjoy sex much more and in turn have it more.

My hot flashes and night sweats are diminishing. I still have those moments of irrational anger and weepiness but I chalk them up to “Phantom PMS.” I never once was sad about becoming a crone. I have to be glad that Mother Nature decided that since she made me suffer for so many years in peri-menopause that she cut me some slack when it was over and made me way too sexy. THAT’S a really, really good thing! Right? Isn't the saying, "You never can get too much of a good thing!"

Join me and these other Sexy Mom's ~

Babeland Blog
Mommy Mandy
Christen Clifford
Always Aroused Girl
A Dust Bunny In The Wind
Lesbian Mommy
Domestic Anarchy

19 blew out from under the bed:

dadshouse said...

When I was a teen, the thought of my parents having sex was creepy to me.

Now that I'm middle aged, I can't get enough sex.

Go figure.

Riff Dog said...

If you can't get pregnant anymore, then it sounds like the perfect time for an increase in sex drive!

Akelamalu said...


You described it all perfectly!

I feel better and more confident now than I ever did and hubby fancies the pants off me! Though I thought the hot flushes would have stopped by now, I'm almost 60!

Indi said...

'Ar yes' the hot flushes!! Great if it's a cold day out.. mood swings are my best feature, like jeckel and hide!! Lol. I started this wonderful change of life at the tender age of 45! Yeah, am that young!!!Not sure what I'm meant to change into though?

Indi said...

My friend calls hot flushes ..'power surges' great eh?

Fire Byrd said...

Yep being post menapausal is great for self confidence about who I am... cause I just don't give a flying fuck now!
And I know my sex drive is still high..... just need the man to prove it!!!

Joanna Cake said...

What a very encouraging post! Fabulous. Thank you x

Casdok said...

I look forward to it!! :)

Frequent Traveler said...

Love the new blog look, Nitebryd ! It is so pretty and cheerful !

You're smart about menopause - I'm in the middle of it, and glad not to have debilitating cramps anymore !

CrystalChick said...

Seems I've been in the 'peri' stage f.o.r.e.v.e.r and I'll only be 45 this year. How long it will go on, who knows. LOL Waking up on occasional mornings way before the alarm sweating...yuck. I just get out of bed and go crank up the a/c. LOL
Great post!

Lady in red said...

love the new look ....took me by suprise

I am so glad I don't have those awful cramps anymore.....I guess I have been lucky that with the help of HRT I only had the flushes etc for a few weeks when I was 39. But I do have to agree that my libido is sky high now compared to rock bottom as it was but I'm not sure if that is down to being post menopause or post marriage

nitebyrd said...

dadshouse ~ Change is the only constant. We will never be our parents. Actually, it's still creepy to think about parents having sex. But, that's my kids problem now! Thanks for coming by.

Riff Dog ~ My thoughts exactly! Some women lose theirs which is sad.

Akelamalu ~ The hot flashes seem to have settled in for good. I have an 82 year old friend who's still getting them!
I think the confidence and I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass attitude is one of the bonus results of menopause.

Indigo ~ I wanted to change into Queen of The Universe but it didn't happen. *sigh* Mood swings can be fun especially if someone pisses you off.

Fire Byrd ~ I'm sure you'll find a willing man. What man in his right mind wouldn't want a sexy, beautiful, smart woman like you? You just want the right one.

Cake ~ Thank you. I figure everyone talks about the bad parts. I wanted to let younger women know it's not a death sentence.

Casdok ~ After I knew I wasn't having any more children, I looked forward to it too. Of course, I had to wait 18 years! LOL

Annie ~ Thank you. I figured it was time for a change. "Cheerful" has never been used to describe me but, yeah, it does look "lighter!" I'm still decorating. I'm such a slacker!

CrystalChick ~ My "peri" stage was long. My A/C is always set to "freezing" the others in the house can get warm but it's not that easy to get cold so, to hell with 'em!

Lady In Red ~ I think it was all that went on when my menopause was actually happening that gave me more sexual desire. Nothing like total life upheaval to shock the system. I changed in many ways. Glad you like the new look!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I can't wait. Sometimes I just want to take a knife and make the cramp hurt go away. Then I'm nice again and forget about it for a while.

good or you sweetie.

ciao honey.

Passion said...

Wow, what a cool blog..where have been hiding all this time...LOL

Ronjazz said...

One big fucking YUM!!!

rage said...

I don't think I really have PMS issues either so I wonder if I will go through the same thing you did. I need to feel liberated right about now.

Loved this post. It rocked!

Jackie Adshead said...

I don't like the thought of you calling yourself a crone - sounds like you're a very sexy woman full of vitality, who just doesn't happen to have periods anymore! :)

nitebyrd said...

Spiky ~ Don't rush it, it'll come soon enough. I feel badly for women who get all bent out of shape when it happens. I saw a "pulp poster" that had a guy saying to a sweaty woman sitting on a couch - "Menopause is part of being a woman." She said, "Like being stupid is part of being a man!" I laughed like an idiot!

Passion ~ Well, thank you! I hide under the bed most days.

Ronjazz ~ Right back atcha, you sexy man!

rage ~ May the "Menopause Fairy" be kind to you and all women when their time comes. Thanks! ;)

Jackie ~ Actually, I'm honored to have become a "Crone." The Crone in Wicca represents wisdom. She also represents death but I'll just ignore that! I'm definitely still have one foot in The Mother area, still want to enjoy life and sex.

Ron said...

Well...speaking as a man, I think WE go through this too!

It's called MAN-O-PAUSE!

And I totally think we experience PMS too!

Now, interesting enough, my sexual appetite got stronger as I got into my late 40's-50's too.

However, I've always been a PIG!