Sunday, November 9, 2008

SELECTIONS FROM H.P. LOVECRAFT'S BRIEF TENURE AS A WHITMAN'S SAMPLER COPYWRITER.
BY LUKE BURNS

White Chocolate Truffle


What black arts could have stripped this chocolate of its natural hue? The horror of the unearthly, corpselike pallor of this truffle's complexion is only offset by its fiendish deliciousness.



Nut Cluster Crunch

This eerie candy will test the sanity of all but those who possess the strongest of constitutions. Strange congeries of almonds, walnuts, and pistachios dance hypnotically within, promising to reveal their eldritch secrets to anyone foolish enough to take a bite of these ancient nut clusters!

Coconut Creme Swirl

They say that the Coconut Creme Swirl sleeps. But if the dread Coconut Creme Swirl slumbers, surely it must also dream. It is certain that while it dozes the Coconut Creme Swirl is absorbed by terrifying visions of exacting its creamy tropical vengeance upon mankind! Consume the Coconut Creme Swirl before it awakens to consume you!

Dark Chocolate Fudge

Dark! All-encompassing, eternal darkness! Human eyes cannot penetrate the stygian blackness of this unholy confection!

Peanut Butter Cup

In 1856, a fisherman from a tiny hamlet on the New England coast made a terrible pact with serpentine beasts from beneath the sea, that he might create the most delicious sweet seen upon the Earth since the days of the great Elder Race. Thus was forged the satanic pact between peanut butter and chocolate that resulted in the mutant offspring you see before you!

Chocolate Cherry Cordial

You must not think me mad when I tell you what I found below the thin shell of chocolate used to disguise this bonbon's true face. Yes! Hidden beneath its rich exterior is a hideously moist cherry cordial! What deranged architect could have engineered this non-Euclidean aberration? I dare not speculate.

Caramel Chew

There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.

Toffee Nugget

Few men dare ask the question "What is toffee, exactly?" All those who have investigated this substance are now either dead or insane.


A very close friend sent this to me awhile ago. I figured after last week it was time for some fun!

12 blew out from under the bed:

Ron said...

ooooh, la-la!

Ok...it's doesn't get any better than THIS!!

Chocolate and sex.

They go so WELL together, don't ya think?

BRAVA, Nitebyrd!

Thanks for the sweet treats!

Trixie said...

Luckily...I don't like chocolate, lol!

Fire Byrd said...

erotic or what.... phew!
would love to get my lips round the last one and lick it clean away!!!

Riff Dog said...

I should not have read this right before lunch! ;)

Akelamalu said...

Ooer missus all that chocolate and sex broke me out in a sweat! ;)

Sorrow said...

The chocolate cocks..
now I know more than a few who would LOVE to take a BITE out of those...
~cheeky grin~
thanks for the chuckles!

DJ Kirkby said...

They all look LUSH, esp those cherries!

CrystalChick said...

Mmmmmm.... all very yummy! Have to go buy some chocolate now and summon hubs to the bedroom. Sex AND chocolate. He's a lucky guy. ;O

Spiky Zora Jones said...

um...sex and chocolates...yum. I'm not allowed to eat sweets/candy...but in this case...I' guess a nibble or two wouldn't hurt me. hehehe

ciao babe.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Yum! I love this post!

Loving Annie said...

Good Thursday to you Nitebyrd !

I rather liked the shape of the toffee nugget :) But I'd have to suck on them very slowly....

garbonzo said...

I didn't know chocolate could get any better! But it does!