In my somewhat woozy state, I took my three dogs out about 1:00 AM for their evening bathroom break. While I was wandering with them, I almost became entangled in the absolutely most enormous spider web I'd ever seen! It had to be at least 7 feet across. Smack in the center was a big, fat spider who I just know was giving me a spidery stink-eye because she was going to be majorly pissed that I'd wrecked that killing/eating trap that she'd set up in my yard. The old saying that says that angels watch over drunks and fools was true that night because I did stop just short of being covered in sticky webbing. Even in that hard cider haze, that fucking web was eerily stunning there in the moonlight, swaying ever so slightly in the early morning breeze. I knew I wanted to take a picture of it but figured that it would be better with a bit more light 'cause my camera sucks at night shots.
Saturday morning, I was up early. I can't say I was bright. Anyone who has spent the night with me knows that I'm definitely NOT a morning person. I required mass quantities of caffeine and nicotine in order for my pathetic brain cells to start sparking. As I sat on the porch drinking coffee and smoking, I looked over to the spot where the web was last night thinking that now would be the time to capture it for posterity. And it wasn't there! I couldn't believe it! I went outside to the spot and NOTHING! Not a trace of web and not a hint of that mega-spider anywhere! I thoroughly inspected the nasty Bird of Paradise it was anchored to on the left and the pineapple palm it was attached to on the right … zip, nada, zilch … GONE! Okay, I thought, I burnt my toast last night and imaged the whole thing. I figured that hard cider was one of those alcoholic drinks that just messed with my head. As I'm wont to do, I forgot about the web and spider about 10 minutes later.
Saturday night, I venture out to the side yard with the dogs again. And, Bob's your uncle! Isn't that damn spider complete with the huge web back! The pictures you see here are proof that I wasn't having flashbacks to the '60's or hallucinations, it was REAL! Can you fucking believe the size of this web? And don't you know, Sunday morning it was gone again. Without a trace!
The spider is a nocturnal orb weaver. There are apparently many types of orb weavers. This particular one comes out at dark, spins the web to trap all the night bugs (and birds and small animals!) then packs up before dawn until the next evening. Cool, huh? Sunday night, me and Mulder actually caught the bitch weaving the web! Fascinating. She didn't think so I guess because she never came back. Pictures, dogs and nosy people didn't agree with her. Touchy bitch for a spider.