Friday, April 15, 2011

Who says the art of writing letters is dead?

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol  
 
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead!!!
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

EDIT: The following letter is NOT funny at all. Not. At. All.

Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy OK?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans
 
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

My daughter sent me these. Pretty damn funny, right? (Except that Nickelback one.)  I've got a review coming up for BABELAND and then some posts about things I've been thinking about.  My brain is a dark, twisted place.

18 blew out from under the bed:

Fat Controller said...

Lol...Thanks for sharing those. Looking forward to your dark and twisted musings.

Have a good weekend!

Anonymous said...

Oh, that was the laugh I needed!
especially the irreverant ones...
geez~
~snicker~

Indi said...

nitebyrd ~ I love the last one.. cor blimey they made me laugh...THANK YOU... and thank you to your daughter.. fricken funny


Indi


xx

Akelamalu said...

Those are just so funny and so damn clever! I particularly like the Dear Yahoo one. :)

UP said...

Dear Nitebyrd,
You make me pee with laughter!

UP

Kallan said...

LOVED these.. still laughing! My fave was Marco...

lolol
Thanks so much!

mina said...

Hahaha brilliant! I must tweet this!

CrystalChick said...

OH I definitely LOL'd at quite a few. And will probably borrow this list. ;)

flying solo said...

I laughed out loud right here at my desk. Thanks for brightening the dark dreary day here.. My fav is the Jersey Shore girls... Someone remind why they are famous again???????

=]

UBERMOUTH said...

Hilarious pos ! Thanks, I needed the laugh.

TAG said...

Dear Elephant,

Glad you think it is cute.
I can NOT pick up peanuts with it.
But I can pick up WOMEN with it.
I win.

Man :D

Heff said...

Letter writing is ALMOST as dead as (gasp!) BLOGGER !!

Joker_SATX said...

Thanks for the laugh chica!

Dianne said...

I love them!!
I have too many favorites to name them
thanks for the laughs

Anonymous said...

i used to write letters when i was a child...oh wait...

Ruth @Welcome to me said...

Those were funny.

Sandra said...

Yeah, I didn't laugh at the Nickelback on either!....or the Justin Bieber one. Don't judge.
The others: hysterical!

Vixen said...

Ok those were freakin FUNNY! The iPhone one especially.

Thanks for sharing!

xo