Saturday, May 10, 2008

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!




1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
'Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
to get stuck that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP .
'Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR .
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think
you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope
they turn out just like you
Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there. I didn't write this but dammit it's so perfect! I will take responsibility for the picture. That's my grandma (sitting), my three oldest aunts (all now deceased, I guess you could figure that out!), my great-aunt and her son. Her son was illegitimate - SCANDAL in the late 1800's.
This picture was taken in Scotland, many years before they all came to the USA along with my grandfather.

10 blew out from under the bed:

John-Michael said...

Since our Mothers obviously studied at the same schools, I wonder if they hung out together. Perhaps sang in the same choir? Tutored by the same band of Gypsies? Inhabited by Aliens from the same Planet? We simply MUST be kin somehow!!

I love You, My Darlin' NiteByrd!

Vi said...

Very funny! And a FAB photo!

SweetAnnee said...

Awesome....
about the pics
and I had a step mom
who taught me much the same
and a mom who skippped out on
my dad and I when I was like 18 months
...sure hope I've been a BETTER mom than that

no whining , just the TRUTH

and you know what, Life is GOOD
love ya
ME

Indigo said...

Cute family!... They kinda look like the 'Munsters?'or maybe the 'Adams family?'Lol...

Ron said...

Oh, man....this list must be a part of the family bible, cause I can't tell you how MANY of these I've heard as a child!!!

#25 sums them all up perfectly!!!

Thanks for sharing these, Nitebyrd. I felt like I just had a "flashback."

Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day, dear lady!

Casdok said...

Loved it!
Happy Mothers day!

Giggle! said...

*GiGGLeS* xx

Jackie Adshead said...

They're brilliant (if you can think of them with humour!) and a terrible warning (if there's any truth in them!) but thanks for sharing them with us, whether you wrote them or not. I've not heard them before! Thankyou, I'm still laffing!!!!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hi babes...My computer is acting up. I have not been able to make my rounds.

I'm so sorry to have missed this fabulous post. It rocks.

babes...Mothers are so lie that...the thing is I've used all of them. I see my son lip sinc my words as they roll out of my mouth. He always seems to make me laugh even when I'm trying to teach him my mothers lessons to me. hehehe. hehehehe

I laughed so much and even called my radio celeb friend and read them to her. She giggled away...

fabulous...I love it.

cuoa babes.

nitebyrd said...

john-michael ~ The sad truth is, I didn't have a mother that said any of those things. I'll be writing about her soon. She might have been an alien, that would explain a lot! LOL We are kin of the heart, hun.

Vi ~ The picture is good. I only vaguely remember my grandmother and I love this picture of her.

Deena ~ From what I can tell you've been a FABULOUS mother and a truly wonderful human being.

Indigo ~ You truly know my dark soul! LOL I always wanted Morticia as my mother. She was just the best!

Ron ~ My Mother's Day was good. Thank you. I can only remember my mother giving me two pieces of advice in my life, I'll be sharing those soon.

casdok ~ Hello! hun. Good to see you. I hope things are going well for you and C. Was it also Mother's Day in the UK? I know it's a different day in Oz but I'm not sure about England.

Jackie ~ If you laughed then I did my job!

Spiky ~ No worries about the late visit, the good part is you did make it. My mother may not have used those but like you, I sure as hell did! LOL