Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sucker Punch

WTF? That was my reaction after reading a snarky mention of a fellow blogger during my recent reading rounds.  It pissed me right the hell off.

Since the comment is still bothering me, I decided to vent about it here because it’s my blog and that’s what I want to do.  You have the right to make a comment about what I say.  You can tell me to get fucked, you can sympathize with me – you have the right to say whatever the hell it is you want because my comments are open and I’m asking for your feedback – right, wrong, indifferent.  Is this a great thing or what? But to have a snide comment made about you when you're just minding your own business (blog) isn't right.

When we write a public blog, we are putting ourselves out there for kisses and/or kicks.  Some of us are extremely popular (not Heather Armstrong popular) but we get lots of comments, have scads of “followers”, are listed on many Blog Rolls.  Others are here plugging away hoping to entertain others and themselves.  It’s all good.  I read many different types of blogs and it is ALL good.  For the most part.

When I saw the remark, that, in my opinion, was totally uncalled for, it gave me pause – maybe it isn’t all good.  That makes me angry and sad.  It also boiled down to the fact that after much thought the only reason the statement was made was because of jealousy. That made me madder and sadder. I thought we were all in this together.  I thought we were friends.  I guess I was naïve enough to think that since every blog I read is written by adults, well over 21, that all the Jr. High drama was long past.  Pathetically, it isn’t.

My name should have been changed to Pollyanna because I thought it was normal to help each other – emotionally, technically, spiritually and even financially.  We gave aid however we were able. We are/were a community.  While Blogland is a HUGE community, it’s the little circles of communities that run within the big machine that makes blogging fun, exciting and even amazingly educational.  What is the point of snarkyness and jealousy when we are all doing our best?   To me, there is no point.  We know each other but yet we don’t really know each other, if you understand what I mean.  But … we are all blogging, we are all writing about our lives, feelings, emotions, fantasies, etc. for ourselves and each other.  I embrace that sense of community.I thought others did the same.

The bloggers I’m writing about do what I’m mentioned – they help, they entertain, they write well, they aren’t Hitler supporters, they don’t write about horrible, sick things like "crushing".  They are, from their writings, good people who care a lot about their family, readers, the blog community and the world in general.  Why the fuck make random, unprovoked, nasty, out of the blue comments about one another?
When you write publically and leave your comments open you are inviting any and all types of comments.  When you do nothing but blog and do the right thing for yourself and your readers, you don’t deserve to smacked upside the head because someone gets their tits in a twist because you have more readers and/or followers.

Rant over.  Thank you.

22 blew out from under the bed:

Constance said...

Trolls can definitely make anyone's day miserable.

My empathy to you, Nitebyrd.

You DID hit the nail on the head- usually an unkind or uncalled for comment is about the lack of character of the person writing it - and not about you.

Many bloggers who end up being on your links are wonderful, supportive, intelligent, interesting and make great cyber friends over time.

One or two are miserable angry, jealous human beings who just want to hurt others to try to pacify their own inner discontent.

Glad you ranted and got it off your chest.
Our blogs are the place where we can and should be able to be free to be ourselves, happy or sad, good mood or bad mood, whatever.

I had a really nasty troll once who followed me for several years when I had my original erotica blogn -- and then humilated me and made my life miserable on another blog when I tried to have a 'normal life' blog. To this day I loathe that woman for her petty spite.
My only consolation is that I'm not a mean person like she is.

You are nice, Nitebyrd. That counts for far more in life than meanness does.


vixen kitten said...

You said it beautifully, Sugar.

It WAS a snarky remark. To me, it was extremely petty, and had a distinct tone of jealousy.

I guess getting older and wiser do not always go hand in hand.

Thank you for this post. I love your beautiful heart.


Lady in red said...

Over the years I have blogged there have been a few instances of spitefulness in our blogging circle. There was one blogger (I believe she still blogs but I moved away from her and her friends) who was nasty about another blogger. I did blog that I felt she was being a bully ....this led to several posts where they turned on me.

There was also a man who would leave nasty coments on my blog about some of my friends. Eventually we got rid of him by just ignoring him.

You my dear are a much better person than whoever is doing this.

we all love you

Indi said...

nitebyrd ~ you are a wonerfully wickedly amazingly beautiful human being, sexy gorgeous woman ( you free tonight?) this twat who did this needs some punishment ( I have a gun?!). Yes I go leave stupid comments on UBS some times but she knows my sense of humour. I love your blog and what you write, so take no BULLSHIT from no one... I'll come sory 'em out for ya babe... the world would be a far better place with out these kinda 'fuckwits'... I Love YOU so don't let him get to you.



Ronjazz said...

Just remember those who mean the most to you. That really is the sweetest revenge...:)

nitebyrd said...

The remark was made about another blogger, not me. It just seemed so petty and uncalled for that I got angry about it. If it was made by some random person in the comment section of their blog, then I wouldn't have gotten upset. We all know how to deal with rat-bastard, low-life, bottom feeders that always seem to leave anonymous comments. No, this was a blogger giving another blogger a sucker punch. But it wasn't about me. Thank y'all for being so nice!

Ron said...

Brava, Nitebyrd!

Thank you for posting this because it needed to be shared.

I've often wondered why some people think comments on a blog gives them the right say whatever the hell they want and however the hell they want to say it? This is I will ALWAYS moderate my comments. I allow people to share whatever they want on my blog, as long as it's not hateful or nasty, therefore I have no problem deleting their comments.

So far, there has only been two people I've had to "expell" from my blog for leaving nasty comments.

You hit the nail on the head when you said "jealousy." I also think it has to do with their own "issues."

You ROCK, Sis!


Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hi honey. It's part of the blog business that is for sure. sometimes peeps take their frustration out on another...it's cowardly. in real life they wouldn't have the balls. But at least you know their heart now and can move on. A good vent does wonders huh?

I don't know from who or where you read this. It doesn't matter. we don;thave time for such things...life is to short.

And we shouldn't take LIFE seriouly, no one ever get's out alive anyway. :)

chin up...forward ahead.

later sweets. xxx

Anonymous said...

There seems to be a lot of jealousy out there. Simple minded people talk about other people. Ye shall know them by their fruits.

get em girl.

Riff Dog said...

In a weird way, I don't mind seeing snark about myself (it gives me a better idea of who my friends really are/aren't.) But seeing it written about a friend really pisses me off.

I think you're right that there's a lot of junior high jealousy at play with most of it. And a couple times, I've been absolutely floored by the two-faced aspects of what I'll read.

Dangerous Lilly said...

I used to feel the same as you, and still do to some degree. Unless someone was an asshole and outright purposely wronged you.....why snark and snip like that?

My momma always told me .... that the HS behavior I couldn't deal with back in HS would end then. She lieddddd, lol. It's never gone away. Not at work, not here in blogs.

So I'm trying to do my deep breathing and bitch in private and live by the adage "the best revenge is success". And that the best way to deal with an asshat is to give them no reaction at all. That last one I'm still working on because I feel this inherent NEED to verbally bitchslap the asshats....even though it rarely works. I keep thinking it'll change them. Maybe I'm the one who needs slapped, lol.

Deech said...

It seems to me that the real way of hurting another blogger is to stop paying attention to them.

I say, organize a campaign, go to that person's blog and we all leave one last comment...

"This is my last comment here...goodbye..."

And then never visit his or her blog again. Simple.


I just used that same snarky pic in a blog post yesterday. How funny.

Yes, jealousy... we all have it to a degree however, I think most of us keep it to ourselves. Most of us can get over it and be genuinely happy for someone else. Most of us in blogland really do wish the best for others.

And then some people... NOT.

But hey, you have a blog where you can vent and let it all out, right. That's gotta balance out with more good than bad, I would think. It looks like many people who are aware of the snarky comment agree with you. In this case, one bad comment didn't spoil the whole bunch, thankfully.

Blogland is our support network, isn't it?

At least, that's why I continue blogging.

Hubman said...

Very well said!

Though I gotta admit, I'm wondering who you're referring too...

Bella said...

Ha! That pic is too funny. And I agree. Preach it!

Sorrow said...

Oh my!
Ya know, I learned something of the bizzare nature of blogging when my stalker, wouldn't leave me alone.
Not sure what button I pushed with ( him?) her...
but It was never fun to open up my blog and find some nasty comment...
people are weird, ya wanna go for ice cream?

DJ Kirkby said...

I hate stuff like that too. It comes in from surprising people / sites sometimes too, places where I would expect to be safe. I'm glad you're cross about whoever this person is that got treated nasty, it's nice to see there are strong people out there who take care of others.
P.S word veri = grabit :)

ZomBee said...

Well that sucks when someone pulls the rug like that. I would rather be attacked by a religious zealot on my blog then that crap. At least then it can be fun to push the buttons.

I was going to say more but most all have been covered and I just noticed the "I am a slut" blog on your roll that I just gotta check out. cuse me.

Anonymous said...

Well said sweetness.


nitebyrd said...

Aurora ~ This wasn't a "troll" it was a blogger dissing another blogger in the body of their blog. The person that made the comment really had no call to say what they did. It was truly a "WTF?" moment for me, even though, as you said, we all have the right to say whatever we want in our blogs. Thanks for sharing with me, girl!

VK ~ Glad you knew what I was talking about and that you got the same message I did. It confirms my feelings that venting about it was the right thing. Thank you, love.

LIR ~ Thank you. You stood up and did the right thing. If those bloggers turned on you, then they are the ones who lost. I consider you a beautiful person, inside and out. It's my honor to call you "friend". I also remember that evil little troll man that plagued you and Trixie. What a dickhead he was!

Indi ~ I'm privileged to have you at my back, woman! You are such an incredible friend! Making a snide or snarky comment with humor is totally different from the way this statement was made. Thank you for coming with guns drawn, sexy!

Ronjazz ~ I do. Many of my blog/cyber friends mean more to me than my RL acquaintances. As you well know. ;)

Ron ~ Thanks, bro! In a way, open comments do let people say whatever the hell they want about you and what you've written. To me, that's perfectly all right. It's when something is written about you on another's blog, for no apparent reason other than, because you can - that pisses me off.

Spiky ~ You're right, beautiful. We don't have time for jealousy and small-mindedness. I am glad I vented it though! LOL

Sage ~ Unlike you, who is know for his succulent, firm, delicious fruit, the poster may just have an overripe banana. ;D

Riff ~ Exactly. You can talk about me all you want. In fact, if someone is talking shit about me, they're leaving someone else alone. I don't mind. But talk about someone I truly care for and watch out! It's sad that adults need to revert to childhood and not in a good way. Thanks, man!

Dangerous Lilly ~ You are definitely right that some people cannot get past the pettiness and childishness of those miserable teen years, no matter how fucking old they are. They are mad because someone looks better, talks better, writes better, has more friends, has a better ass or tits, then them. Instead of looking inward, they lash out. Okay ... time for that deep breathing, now! Thanks for stopping by.

Joker ~ Have I told you lately how brilliant you are? I believe I just might do that. Well, not start a movement or anything but just not bother anymore with that person myself. I am such a rebel! LOL

nitebyrd said...

T ~ LOL! It's a funny picture. Also, finding anything for "Snarky" or "Sucker Punch" was hard. :\ Most of us who no longer fall to the floor, kicking and screaming, keep our jealousy and envy to ourselves. We know that what may look good on paper (so to speak) might not be so wonderful in RL. I think the remark went largely unnoticed and/or uncommented on, which is good. Yes, other bloggers help, very much and the reason I keep writing as well. Thank you for coming by.

Hubman ~ I think you probably know or have found out by this time. I have no delusions of grandeur that my post about the remark will cause all of Blogland to be in a tizzy but I also was pleasantly surprised by the number of bloggers that knew about it and were as pissed as I was. Thank you.

Bella ~ Thanks, gorgeous! Yeah, I'm lovin' that picture, too!

Sorrow ~ Mmmmmm .... ice cream! Oh, YES!, please. I want some Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia and a cappuccino. No stalkers for me but I've seen those rat-bastards that continue to leave the nastiest swill in people's comments. Pigs! Now, back to ice cream .... ;)

DJ ~ That was probably the major reason this remark burned my ass so badly. It was from a totally unexpected source. Sometimes, I have to speak out. I'm not a person that usually does, but I felt it was right, this time. At the time I read the remark, I coulda reached out and grabit their neck!

ZomBee ~ I always hang on to my purse extra tight when I meet someone that tells me, they are a good Christian/Jew/Muslin/Catholic/Wiccan. Usually, if they're tellin' me, they aren't. Hope you enjoyed "I'm A Slut" she's a damn good writer and looks so damn fine, it hurts!

rosie ~ Thank you, sweetie!

Sexy PTA Mom said...

Oooooooh. :( I missed all the drama. Makes me glad I'm not blogging.