In September, me and Mulder drove up to Fayetteville, North Carolina for a concert. One of my most favorite things in the world is going to rock concerts. I just love the whole experience. Normally, I loathe being near people and abhor crowds but put me in an arena in front of a stage with hot young guys beating drums, ripping guitars and booming rock & roll and I'm in heaven. I can't explain it but the feeling of freedom and exhilaration I get is just amazing like the worlds best orgasm
|Mark Tremonti - ALTER BRIDGE|
Somewhere there is written, or if they're unwritten, I'm writing them now - etiquette guidelines for rock concerts. Now, I know that there will always be exceptions to the rule but in beautiful downtown Fayetteville, the exceptions were the rule. Sweet Jesus, Mary and Don Kirshner! , these people must have never seen a rock &roll band EVER! I'm now going to tell y'all every rule of rock concert etiquette broken in North Carolina, USA.
|Keith Wallen - ADELITA'S WAY|
#2 ~ If you have arrived early, gotten your spot on the rail, but only want to see the third band of a five band show, at least look like you're enjoying the performances the other four bands are putting on. Standing in the front row like a damn corpse is just plain rude. If you don't clap, scream, sing and generally rock your face (and ass) off, go see Michael Buble.
|John Lawhon - BLACK STONE CHERRY|
#4 ~ Ladies, regardless of the fact that you've put on your best Victoria's Secret push-up-demi-balconette-wonder bra, your finest J.C. Penney semi-sheer, off-the-shoulder top, your brand-new pajama jeans and your peep-toe-sling-back-fuck-me-pumps, the lead singer of the third band of a five band show is NOT going to leap off the stage and boink your brains out in the audience. He won't get paid and you just might get an elbow in your pushed-up, fiberfill enhanced tit because you keep smacking me in the face with it.
#5 ~ Full body contact from random strangers can be enjoyable on occasion, but I prefer that they:
- Not be drunk
- Not be chewing tobacco
- Not be wearing a gimme cap from the local plumbing supply company
- Not be raising their arms, wildly waving rock horns whilst screaming, “YAAAAAAH, Rock & Roll”, having not taken a shower after working at the local slaughterhouse.
|Dean Back - TOAD|
|Lance Dowdle - EMPHATIC|
It was my thing, though and I rocked my face AND ass right off.