Friday, June 15, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey = Disney Porn

If Walt Disney were to animate "The Story of O", I think it would be exactly like the "Fifty Shades of Grey" series.

Since I was young, whatever book I started reading, I finished.  There is one exception, "The Ruins" by Scott Smith, what a dismal piece of shit that book is!  Since there are three books in the "Fifty Shades" series, I felt compelled to read them all.  I'm glad I didn't have to buy but one.

While Ms. James writing improves somewhat by the second book, I can't help but visualize a Disney princess and prince.  C'mon! Anastasia and Christian - those are Disney names if I ever heard one!  The books are quite improbable, even for fiction.  Nonetheless, they are addictive in an "I-don't-need-my-brain-to-read-this" way.  Easy, uncomplicated reads for when you need a break from reality.

What I don't understand is all the hoopla about the BDSM aspects of the books.  There is hardly any.  I've read harder and more erotic sex scenes in  Laurell K. Hamilton, "Anita Blake" books . Granted most of the sex in those books is with vampires and werewolves, but still, Ms. Hamilton writes raunchy, rough and kinky with delicious descriptiveness.  E.L. James, not so much.  There's lots of talk about sadism, bondage, submissiveness, dominance in the "Fifty Shades" series but not much that type action.  Don't get me wrong, there's scads of sex going on, Anastasia and Christian, fuck like rabbits in heat, but it's romantic, loving sex for the most part.  Dreamy sex between two perfect people with perfect bodies that haven't hit 30 yet!

That a man of 27 years old could be a Master Dominant AND a Captain of Industry was the first clue that Ms. James books were not going to be mind-bending.  The second was that the heroine was 21 years old, flat-out gorgeous and was still a virgin!  Hello, Disney?  (Okay, I'm a jaded old bitch!)  What intrigued me was that these books became, mostly by word of mouth, HUGE bestsellers because of the BDSM and/or sex. Seriously, what were all these women reading before?  Did they never pick up a "bodice ripper" at the supermarket or check out Henry Miller or D.H. Lawrence at Barnes & Noble?  Did they only ever read "Fan Fiction"? While I'm puzzled about all the fuss, I'm happy women are reading something!


The "The Fifty Shades" series didn't arouse me, it amused me.  I'm not a Disney fan, except for the villains and they don't turn me on, either!  In my opinion, the attraction to the books is that they stir remembrance of "first love".  Anastasia and Christian are young, beautiful, they have their whole future ahead of them and they are totally in love with each other.  They have the kind of relationship that happens, if we're lucky, once in a lifetime.  It could be that women are jumping men's bones because reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" reignites the fire they want to rekindle or starts the spark they've always dreamed about.  It could be they want the happily ever after, (Cue - singing cartoon birds and squirrels) if only for a few moments.

10 blew out from under the bed:

Akelamalu said...

Your's is the second review I've read about this series of books and both have said the same. I don't think I'll bother reading them.

Heff said...

I'll pass also. I prefer my porn ON SCREEN, anyway.

nitebyrd said...

Akelamalu ~ If someone gives you the books and you have nothing better to read, then go for it. Otherwise, you aren't missing anything!

Heff ~ I love reading erotica/porn but these books ain't either of those. Sometimes I watch but overall, reading it does it for me! Where you been, man?

Trixie said...

I had no interest. Once everyone is on the band wagon, I assume I probably won't like it (Titanic anyone, ugh). I like your honest review, I think sometimes people just say they like stuff because everyone else does. Also this: "Granted most of the sex in those books is with vampires and werewolves, but still" made me laugh so hard!

And I agree with Heff! LOL

Ron said...

I keep seeing this series of books PLASTERED all over Barnes and Noble, but every single book review I read (like yours) says that same thing.

Nada!

Thanks for sharing, Nitebyrd!

Great review!

X

distracted said...

I just figured I was oversexed from all of the real porn I read, so this stuff wasn't dirty enough to flip my switch.

I like your explanation better.

<3

Dianne said...

I have the 3 books sitting in my to read pile
I'll still read them, just for the hell of it
and I'll be thinking Disney porn all the way
maybe Justin Beiber and his girlfriend will be in the movie

nitebyrd said...

Trixie ~ Since I didn't have to buy the first ones, I was good. May I tell you that I love you even more because Titanic is one of the most overrated movies ever made! And that fucking SONG! Like nails on a chalkboard.

Ron ~ The woman is making a damn fortune! Apparently being a 40-something that gets turned on by sparkly vampires and morose teenagers is the way to be! You're welcome, hun. See what a sacrifice I made for you! LOL

distracted ~ No, it isn't that. These books are definitely not porn, they're not even erotica so you keep reading all the porn you want. You're just fine!

Dianne ~ Justin Beiber rates right up there with Celine Dion for me. *shudder* If you have 'em, read 'em. You won't gnash your teeth and bemoan lost time, you'll give your brain a rest as they are mild diversions and won't offend.

Random Girl said...

You crack me up

nitebyrd said...

Random Girl ~ Thanks! My job here is done! :D