Friday, December 14, 2007

Menopause Shower


I’ve been futzing with my “first date” blog recently. I’m trying to get it the way I want it. In the middle of all this writing and editing, I got sick. Remembering that several people have praised the remedial qualities of Nyquil, I immediately began self-medicating. Oh! My! God! Nyquil dreams are the BEST!

My office is filled with marriageable and/or childbearing age women. I am sick to death of bridal and/or baby showers. I tired of buying gifts. Maybe I’m just selfish but my current idea is to have a “Menopause Shower.” The shower invitations would be on heavy cream-colored stock, copperplate engraved. Gifts would naturally be required, however only expensive jewelry, fine wines and exquisite chocolates would be accepted. Guests would be formally dressed and we would dine on expertly prepared cuisine made by the hunkiest top chef we could find. A ceremonial burning of Midol and tampons would close the evening. Don’tcha just LOVE this idea?

Back to the Nyquil dreams – I dreamt that my “Menopause Shower” was happening! It was fantastic. Bare chested hunks served me and my guests’ delicious champagne and hors d’oeuvres. Then they tended to us all through dinner and beyond. I never wanted to wake up. It was orgasmic!

Sadly, I did wake up to reality. I think I cried. I’m not sure because I needed another dose of Nyquil.

9 blew out from under the bed:

DJ Kirkby said...

I want to have one! What a fabulous idea...

Chopski said...

You know a “Menopause Shower” would never happen. None of you would agree where to have it and if you did the place would be too damn hot!!

Loving Annie said...

Nitebyrd,
Nothing selfish about it. It's about time, Is what I say :)

I'll bring the LeBelge chocolate truffles.

A top chef - superb idea - I'll ring the French Laundry up and tell them to send Thomas Keller when we need him.

The boy toys who attend to us and say we look like we're 30 is another good idea.

Hmmm, I say we make their piddly little stuffed-animal-showers just look pathetic since ours is so FABULOUS. Maybe then they too will want to be over 40 :)

Night-time NyQuil is EXCELLENT for a good night's sleep. And good dreams. It's just the waking up...

RONJAZZ said...

All Menopause showers need to have a sex room, I think. Complete with sound system to allow all the girls to hear the sounds of orgasmic bliss...which are vital to all of us, no matter WHAT age or sex!

nitebyrd said...

Chopski, I hope you're saying that ALL peri and/or menopausal women are HOT! in a good way. :-/

Annie & DJ, I think I may start a business - Menopause Showers, Inc. Annie, I believe I'll require your input. You have fabulous ideas!

Ron, the "sex room" is the entire room that the shower is being held in. We need the food, drink and hot guys close at hand ... tongue, cock, pussy .... *sigh* Where's my Nyquil?

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

ooooo, I wanna reach my menopause just so I can have one of those!!!

Eve in Chains said...

Outstanding idea, really. I think you should market this. It would be our revenge to have better parties than bridal showers. :D

Eve

Moanna said...

I'm new to your blog, but if invited to the shower, I'll bring individual electric mini-fans.

nitebyrd said...

Welcome, moanna! If your uterus is soon to become a useless novelty (we all know vaginas are forever), then of course you're invited! Fans will be most appreciated.