The other day I went to Sam’s Club for a 55 gallon drum of laundry detergent and 86 rolls of toilet paper.I tend to wander in Sam’s ‘cause it’s ginormous and you get to look at The People of Wal-Mart that have come over for bigger quantities of the stuff they buy in Wal-Mart.
Marveling at a 5 gallon jar of pickled eggs, I’m wondering who the fuck eats pickled eggs and why do they need 5 gallons?What kind of farts would come from eating pickled eggs while drinking beer?
Whilst in the vitamin/shampoo/diaper department, I noticed these ~
BOOGIE WIPES! Seriously? Couldn’t you just call ‘em Snot Rags and be done?
What kind of drugs is your marketing department on to want to call your product ANTI-MONKEY BUTT POWDER and use a red-assed monkey as the spokes animal? Their new product is going to be Anti-Rotting Fish Douche. Charlie the Tuna has been chosen to represent the item. To go along with your Monkey Butt Powder, we've also got BOUDREAUX'S BUTT PASTE! I guess if you put a French sounding name in front of Butt Paste it sounds more like pate foie gras and not like an acute intestinal infection.
WTF? America! Get some class, please! I saw a commercial for Tampax Tampons that called the tampon “cute”! CUTE! Are you insane? Any woman who has their period doesn’t want a “cute” plug trying to block the flow. That’s like asking Barbie to do hostage negotiations with a psycho-killer. You don’t want “cute”, you want smart, ripped, ready-for-anything, like G.I. Joe tampons! Cute tampons. What is the advertising world coming to?
Although, sometimes the Ad Men get it almost right (the E-Trade baby – LOVE him) if not hysterical and get the product in your brain. Watch this ~
If I had balls, Jamie Pressly could wash them. I did buy my son one of these Axe Detailers last Christmas. He recommends NOT using the scrubby side on your actual balls, guys. Just a tip from a real live consumer who treasures his balls, likes ‘em clean and sees no reason on earth for anyone to want pickled eggs.
PENN PAT: BRAIN BISCUIT
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