Friday, September 30, 2011

Everyday Zombies!

Zombies have become very popular lately. AMC's “The Walking Dead” has really pumped up zombies Q-rating. Zombies have been around in stories, books and film for a very long time. While zombies aren't as romantic as vampires, they do have their own certain attraction. I've always felt that becoming a zombie was more attainable than becoming a vampire. Ask any person that's a parent. They'll tell you exactly what being a zombie is like.

Right after the amazement of creating a human being wears off, you realize that you're going through a metamorphosis and the life you knew is slowly becoming unrecognizable – as are you! Babies don't sleep. This trend continues right through to teenage years when they sleep all day and stay up all night. (My theory is that vampires are based on teenagers.) Do you know what sleep deprivation does to your brain? It envelopes it in a thick fog like substance so that even remembering to change your underwear becomes monumental task.

The brain vanishing continues as you spend days, weeks and months with your child watching things like Yo Gabba Gabba (this even sounds like zombie noises!), Dora the Explorer, Sesame Street; without adult interaction or beer. You start to loose verbal skills. You tend to babble unintelligibly. This frustrating inability to speak also continues as your baby grows. Have you ever seen and/or heard a parent standing over a screaming, heel-kicking, floor-banging tantrum throwing toddler trying not to scream at the top of their lungs, “FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP!”?
You really can't let loose and swear like a drunken sailor in front of your child no matter how unreasonable they're being. So the parent gurgles and gasps swallowing those nasty words as their eyes start to bulge and spittle sprays as they desperately try to hold down the anger and reason with the little monster darling. That's zombie behavior right there. And have you seen all the stuff you need to tote around when you have a baby? Car seat, baby carrier, stroller, thing you put in the baby carrier to keep the baby's head straight, thing to put in the shopping cart so you don't get germs on the baby, diapers, baby wipes, disinfectant, butt paste, wipes to get baby puke off of you, boogie wipes, bottles, make-my-baby-a-genius educational toys – it goes on and on and on. Parents look like pack mules going over the High Sierras. No wonder they all have back problems and touchy sciatic nerves causing them to lurch around like zombies!
Having children will transform you forever. That's scary, right? Probably scarier than the flesh-eating zombies from “Night of The Living Dead”. And you know what? Kids are even proud of turning you into a zombie. Check these items out by Howdygal. I'm a parent so I know of what I speak. My children are grown but once a zombie, always a zombie. It was because of my own zombiedom that I was able to see it in others.


Someday take the time to watch parents of young children leave a theme park, carnival, fair, etc. after a long day with the ankle-biters. Their eyes are blank, they move with slow, uneven steps, they're dirty – covered in ice cream, cotton candy, hot dog, yogurt and soy milk and probably vomit. They are usually pushing or dragging children, oblivious to the screams and tears being shed. Those parents know exactly why some animals eat their young. They have become ZOMBIES! Those poor, pitiful parents became the inspiration for my Zombie Mommie dolls. Just because I'm a zombie doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor along with my brain!

Zombie Mommies by nitebyrd

There are other types of everyday, semi-scary zombies beside the I'm-A-Parent Zombie. This is why I think that zombies are much more relevant than vampires. You undoubtedly know some, the Soul-Sucking-Dead-End-Job Zombie and the Depression Zombie. I actually am both of those type zombies, too. But those are stories for another time.

The Zombie Mommies in the picture have all gone to their final un-resting places.  I'm resurrecting some more right now.  Keep checking my Etsy shop!

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I'd like to thank Sharon from GHOST HUNTING THEORIES for sponsoring this Blog Walk. I hope y'all will take some time to visit the other blogs that are participating. Show 'em some zombie love, 'K?



19 blew out from under the bed:

Red Shoes said...

Hey YOU! And so it begins, huh?

I LOVE your Zombie Mommies...!!!

Great post!!

~shoes~

Vanessa Morgan said...

Those zombie dolls are awesome... Have fun with the zombie walk...

Sandra said...

This. Was. Brilliant! My favourite blog in a very long time by anyone!!! So true. That's what my problem is: I'm a fucking zombie now. I knew there was something off about me in the past 16 years...

CrystalChick said...

Love the Zombie Mommies!! I'm sure once the new ones are ready they will sell fast at Etsy.

Have a great weekend!

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Zombilicious!

So children are vampires that turn their parents into zombies? I've never heard a better argument for birth control!

Joker_SATX said...

And to add to the mayhem, I came across a site called runforyourlife.com Where it is an obstacle course that you run from Zombies...

Autumnforest said...

Just as I suspected--we are all zombies! Fantastic!

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

Zombie mommies are awesome. ;)

Mama Zen said...

Every word of this is scientifically proven fact.

And, I want a doll!

Little Gothic Horrors said...

Love your Zombie Mommies! And how true... zombies really are amongst us in the form of sleep-deprived parents and the poor souls stuck in dead-end jobs. Great analogy about teenagers and vampires, too. They're both up all night, and dead to the world during the day!!

Pangs said...

The everyday zombie is a menace!

Katy Bennett said...

Throw me into a scene from Night of living dead rather than parenthood. Great post.

Melanie said...

Oh how true! Great post!

ZomBee said...

brilliant! here I always equated zombies with the unwashed masses out for a shopping trip.

Ron said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this post, Nitebyrd!!

"Those parents know exactly why some animals eat their young. They have become ZOMBIES!"

Bwhahahahahahahaha!

I love kids, truly I do, but I think if I were ever a parent, I'd end up being a zombie too!

Ironic you posted this because I was in Barnes and Noble bookstore on Thursday and saw they were selling Zombie coffee mugs with a small Zombie doll inside!

Love your Zombie Mommies! Brilliant!

X ya, Sis!

distracted said...

Love this post. Sharing it with my Nebraska friend. He has said all along his children are out to get him :)

Mortuis said...

Ah, there's the Nitebyrd we all know and love! Excellent post, m'dear, and so true! Makes me glad I have pets.

Indi said...

nitebyrd ~ I came very close to being killed yesterday whilst out on my bike so famously known as 'nitebyrd'.. I'm almost certain the fuckwhit who tried to kill me was in fact a zombie...... that or he was completely brain dead!!! I used alot of hand signals and very bad swearing along with it... glad I have ABS with my new machine, it could have been alot worse,. I'd love to be kissed by a Vampire...


Indi


xx

Random Girl said...

I love your zombie mommies! I also just wanted to let you know that your interview is up next on It's on random! It will be on Friday the 14th! Enjoy!