Monday, February 18, 2008

New Drugs for Women



DAMNITOL ~ Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN ~ Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT ~ Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO ~ Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL ~ When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR ~ Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN ~ Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA ~ Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN ~ Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT ~ A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT ~ When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

13 blew out from under the bed:

RONJAZZ said...

VERY funny, Nitebyrd! Love it!

Dazzed and Confused said...

They don't sound like over the counter drugs but I'd like a case of the anti-talksident

Vi said...

I'll take one of each please!

Magnus said...

I'd like a case of Flipitor for my wife, please.

Anonymous said...

I need the Damnitol LOL

Ron said...

Nitebyrd...you deserve a freaking BLOG POST AWARD for this one!!!

Dear God, woman...you had me laughing til I was coughing!

BRAVO!

You truly are one of the funniest bloggers I know. You should be writing for SNL.

Thanks for ALWAYS making me laugh...what a wonderful gift you have!

And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the new header!!!

Magnus said...

Actually... make that a truckload of Flipitor.

SweetAnnee said...

LOL
love it!!

and
your new banner!!
I love the picture of YOU ..the
tattoo laday
and the F c k
cancer .may I steal it. for my wallpaper on
my PC??
deena

Pixie said...

oh so that's where i went wrong with my toyboy then I didn't take the menicillin... Thank goodness!
loved this post very clever.
hugs
pxx

Indigo said...

Welcome back x I lurve the Jackassprin and yes I'll take half a dozen cases..Lol

Lady in red said...

just give me some of each and hope I remember which to use when.

nitebyrd said...

Thanks, everyone. Sometimes I just feel the need to share the good stuff with my friends. ;-)

Ron, you flatter me and make me blush!

Deena, you may steal anything you'd like.

Enigma said...

Do you need a prescription, or can you get them over the counter, or by email.If so I'm putting in an order...very funny poat.